Kurosaki Ichigo was just your average 15-year old high school student.
Well…he could see ghosts.
Apart from that he was normal.
..
The bell rang, signifying the end of the school day, and all the students were getting ready to leave.
As Ichigo was putting his books in his bag, a familiar and annoying voice came from behind him.
"ICHIGOOOOOOOO", yelled out Asano Keigo. "What're you up to man? Wanna go hang out at the arcade?"
That asshat really got on Ichigo's nerves. They had been friends since their first year of high school, and they always seemed to hang out together at lunch, in gym, and stuff, but how they had managed to stay friends was beyond him.
But thinking about it meant thinking about Keigo's annoying personality, and that was one thing that Ichigo didn't want to do. So he never really tried to think about any of that.
It was all for the best anyways.
..
After punching Keigo out of his way while declining his offer, Ichigo made his way down the hall, and out onto the streets so he could walk home.
..
As Ichigo unlocked the front door, a different annoying voice bellowed from inside.
"ICHIGOOOOOOOOOO" yelled Kurosaki Isshin, as he flew gracelessly out the front door trying to do a flying kick.
Ichigo sidestepped him and kicked his father in the side while the latter was still in mid-air.
"Fucking hell…" Ichigo muttered under his breath.
"I'm amazed you managed to avoid my ultra-super-duper-surprise-attack-of-death, Ichigo!" said Isshin as he got back up.
"I don't see how it anyone could've been taken off guard when you yelled as fucking loud as you did."
"Yup, you must've inherited my awesome hearing, or as we geniuseses like to say, 'auditory' capability." said Ichigo's father as he brushed off some dirt from his clothes.
"(Sigh…)"
"Listen up, Ichigo," said his father with an uncharacteristically serious voice. "One day, all this land and property you see in front of you shall be yours. But…you have to be prepared to handle all the responsibility as well as handling the tremendous power you will wield."
"Why are we facing this fire hydrant?"
"HOLY CRAP" yelled out Isshin so loudly that it could've drowned out a busy highway had there been one right next to him.
Startled at his father's sudden (and fucking loud) outburst, Ichigo jumped back a few feet.
"I forgot I was wearing a black sock and a white one! Feels all yin-yangy you know?" said Isshin with a look of childish joy on his face.
Ichigo put his hand to his face and stood there quietly for a few brief moments.
Finally, he put his hand back down and said:
"Anyways…I'm getting hungry, so what're we having for dinner?"
"Hmm…how about road kill?"
"…"
"What about take-out?"
"We've had take-out all damn week now!"
"Soooo…road kill?"
"…Whatever, I'll be in my room. Have Suzu or Karin tell me when we're eating."
..
After finishing eating his supper (which luckily didn't turn out to be road kill (you can never be sure when his father is being serious or not…)), Ichigo went back up to his room to finish the last few pieces of homework he had left.
..
At around 11.30 pm, he heard a strange noise coming from outside.
As he got up to look out the window, a person crashed through it and landed on his floor.
After yelling out a couple of profane words out of surprise, Ichigo took a closer look at the person's appearance.
Judging by the stranger's face, it was either a girl or a really good transvestite. Her outfit was entirely black, with the exception of a pair of white shoes, and what appeared to be a pin in the shape of a bunny's head, but Ichigo wasn't sure if that was just his imagination.
She didn't seem to notice his presence, raised her arm, on which there seemed to be some kind of gadget strapped to her wrist, and started talking into it in a fairly low voice.
"It doesn't seem like the Hollowtron has surfaced yet. It'll undoubtedly do so in the next 5 or so minutes I would guess…"
Ichigo took a few steps toward her and asked in a slightly louder than average voice:
"Who are you and why the fuck did you come crashing through my window?"
The woman turned her head slightly towards him and spoke, still to herself:
"There appears to be a brutish inhabitant alarmed at the sudden destruction of its window. Not sure if it has seen me, but given its caveman-like appearance, I am inclined to doubt the possibility that it possesses the minimal Mindo levels needed to see one of our kind."
"Who the fuck are you calling a brute?"
"The creature appears to be panicking at the sign of possible danger, and seems to be raising its voice and shouting in order to comfort itself and calm down. Truly a pitiful sight."
"That's fucking it!"
As she turned away to look out onto the street, Ichigo took a few steps torward her and kicked her in the back with as much force as he could muster (without risking any possible accidental killing).
"OW! What in blaze's-"
"Will you fucking explain to me who you are, and what you are up to?" said Ichigo in a strained voice as he tried to keep his calm.
"You-you can see me?"
"Of course I fucking can! Anybody would be able to see a goddamn stranger crash through their window in the middle of the night while they were studying!"
She looked at him for a few seconds, as if evaluating whether she should tell him anything or not, when a strange growl came from outside.
It sounded unnatural, guttural, like something a giant Chihuahua would make.
A giant zombie Chihuahua.
"Damnit, I'll explain later, there's something I must do."
She leapt out the window as she spoke. Ichigo hurried over to where his window once lay in one piece, and saw something he had missed since he had been too preoccupied with the strange woman to take a look at what was standing outside his house.
.
It was a mech.
.
It was about as high as a two story building, was painted entirely black and it appeared to have what looked like a sword in its sheath attached to the side.
The woman had climbed into the cockpit, and proceeded to activate the machine.
Ichigo looked around, and saw another mech, this one was also black, except for the head, which was white with some markings ressembling eyes and a mouth.
It looked butt-ugly, frankly.
The woman's mech staggered a couple of steps forward, then charged towards the other one.
'That must be what a Hollow…mo...tron… is' thought Ichigo.
The white-faced mech lunged at the other one, taking swipes with its arms. It didn't seem to have any sword or any other weapon of its own.
Things seemed to be going in favour of the stranger, and she had the other one on the ground, sword pointing at its face.
Just then, it let loose a ferocious and pant-wetting screech and sent one of its arms straight toward the center of the up til now winning mech.
It pierced through the armour platting, and while it was only a shallow wound, it had still caused the black mech to spill some very red and blood-like oil.
Believing its quarry to be dead (which is a stupid thing to do), the creature-thing…ish turned towards Ichigo, who had gotten himself down to the ground below his window.
It charged towards him, missed for some reason, and ended up crashing into the house, causing part of the wall to crumble.
Ichigo's father and his two younger sisters conveniently rolled out while on their beds (which had wheels or something I guess…) and were still fast asleep.
The Hollowtron turned its attention to them, as fresh meat lay right next to him.
But, the Hollowtron had miscalculated something (or it would've, if it wasn't a creature of pure instinct).
Now, most people would think that a human going up against a mech would have a hard time.
But Ichigo wasn't most people.
"Hey asshat. Back. The fuck off. From my family!" said Ichigo loudly as he ran towards the hideously ugly mech and proceeded to give it the fucking strongest kick he could.
Unfortunately, there is only so much damage a human foot can inflict on a machine like that before hurting like hell.
And so Ichigo spent the next few seconds hopping on his one good foot, while clutching the other in his hand and swearing profusely.
Eventually, Ichigo noticed some movement by the mech that had been downed a few minutes ago.
As he limped over to it, he saw the girl from before climbing out of it (or trying to at any rate).
"Hey, are you alright?" he asked as he helped her out of the thing.
After coughing up a bit of blood, she looked around to see what had happened after she had been beaten up.
The look of horror on her face as she stared at Ichigo's house made him quickly turn around to see the cause of it.
The Hollowtron was walking (reaaaally) slowly towards his family, with the clear intent of devouring them.
Ichigo felt a tug on his sleeve, and heard the girl ask:
"Do you want to save your family?"
"Of course." said Ichigo solemnly.
"Then take this pilot's key, she said, handing him a very oddly shaped (almost phallic really) key. You'll need it to turn the mech on."
"What? I've never touched anything like that in my life, how can you expect me to go up against that thing?"
"The controls might feel awkward at first, but it's pretty instinctive, so after a minute or two you should get the hang of it."
'Assuming you survive that long' she grimly thought to herself.
"Well, whatever, not like I have much choice anyways." said Ichigo, voice full of determination.
Ichigo climbed into the cockpit and briefly looked around to see where to insert the key.
It didn't take him long to notice a label saying 'insert key here you retarded pilot (seriously, you're a fucking retard and I fucking hate you (and don't give me that fucking puzzled look you fucking moron. I've crapped shit smarter than you […])'. Ichigo could read the rest later.
After powering the thing back up, there was a massive burst of light and some massively loud and empowering techno rock dance punk music (it didn't make any sense, but all Ichigo knew was that he could take on fucking anything now).
As the Hollowtron finally raised his hand to grab the weaker looking sister, it suddenly had one of its arms chopped the fuck off.
"Did you miss me, bitch?"