We Live in a Yellow Submarine
A stupid, out of character Mulder POV nothing-to-do-with-an-X-File X-
File by Hardra6
Rated: PG for muchos liquor consumption
Notes: I know it's out of character, but it also happens to be silly thank
you very much
Summary: Mulder and Scully skip a meeting, get real drunk, sing the
Beatles and make prank phone calls....That about sums it up
More notes: what are you crazy? There are no more notes! Read, reader,
read!!!! Okay there is one more notes, I love the Yellow Submarine song,
but that's all. Chow!
We Live in a Yellow Submarine
Oh, wait, but first.....(hee hee hee!)......
....in the town
where I was born
there lived a ma-aa-aaan,
who sailed the seas,
and he told
us of the life
in the la-aa-and,
of submarines,
so we sailed
into the sun
until we fou-ou-ound
the sea of green
and we lived
beneath the waves
in our yellow
submarine...
we all live in a yellow submarine
yellow submarine
yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
And our friends
Are all on board
Many more of them
Live next door
And the band
Begins to play--
Brum-pa-de-dum, de-dum, de-dum,
Brum-pa-de-dum de dum de dum de da da da
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
Every one of us
Has all we need
-All we need!
Sky of blue
-Sky of blue!
And sea of green
-Sea of green!
In our yellow
-In our yellow!
Submarine!
-Submarine!!
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
Yellow submarine
--With muchos respectos,
The Beatles
(once again,) We Live in a Yellow Submarine
Well, it started as a normal Friday. Started being our key word. We had
some files to go over, chop up, re-arrange and hand in, followed by the
weekly ankle-grabbing session that I think neither of us was looking
forward to. Plagued by writer's block, I sat back and glared at the screen;
stupid reports, I couldn't write anything without making it sound like
crud.
Scully looked at me from across the room. "Mulder, get hopping, we've
got--" she checked her watch--"about an hour to get finished." So I
started Word and began tapping my fingers against the keys.
It went on like that for a while before I eventually logged onto the
internet to see if there was anything better to do out there--I discovered
that I was going to die on October 3, 2044 at the ripe old age of 82--but
of course nothing new or interesting popped up about aliens or bog
monsters. Eventually I caught a glare from my bored partner and I got
back into Word.
I was kind of getting into my nonsense report, so I didn't notice when she
came over and looked at the screen from behind me. I didn't even notice
as she crossed her arms and glared at my head.
"Iggmiffshiff neropo ligistalp, ick no mick no meenie," I typed.
"Mulder I think we should move on to something a little more productive
than gibberish," she suggested. I blanched and streaked to cover my
tracks.
"Ohhh....uh, this isn't gibberish....It's Reticulan. I am sending them email
asking for a more complicated, err, analysis of their genomes." I sent her
a professional smile. She sent back a sarcastic professional smile, then
groaned loudly and stomped around the room.
"Mulder, we are in so deep here....." she looked at her watch again and
put a hand to her forehead. "I don't believe you! What are we supposed to
tell Skinner?!"
I looked up at the many pencil holes still in the ceiling and an idea hit
me. "Well, I could have forgotten that I had a dental appointment and
you could go home sick," I suggested.
"That's bull, Mulder, you know he won't fall for that."
^*^*^*^
"Where's Scully and Mulder?" Assistant Director Skinner said, clicking
on his intercom to his secretary. The replay came quite casually.
"Oh, Agent Scully went home sick about half an hour ago."
"Then Where's Agent Mulder?"
"Ummmmm......Oh, here's the fax--apparently he's had a--a family
crisis."
"What family?!" Skinner grumbled to himself, getting up and going into
his outer office where his secretary was looking over a few faxes. He
snatched them from her and she shrugged.
"This is no coincidence," Skinner growled, pulling on his coat and
storming out of his office. "Those two are going to be in a WHOLE lot
of--"
*^*^*^
"Trouble."
I looked at my worried partner and she looked back, sighing. "Mulder,
why did you say you'd had a family emergency?! You don't have a
family!"
"Maybe my goldfish died."
"They're already dead."
"Have to go to their funeral?"
"Right, a goodbye flush?"
I sighed and leaned back in the driver's seat. "What do you want to do?"
"What?!" Scully yelled. "Mulder, we've got mountains of paperwork to
do, we can't just go out and have fun all day!!"
"Come on, Scully, never seen 'Ferris Beuller's Day Off'?" I chided. "Hey,
burgers. Let's get a burger and go see a baseball game." I eagerly pulled
into a parking garage and in a few minutes we were sitting in a tiny little
diner, my jacket had been abandoned in the heat of this grueling Summer
in downtown DC. I busied myself rolling up my shirt sleeves while
Scully pouted about having work to do.
"What if they decide this is the last straw, Mulder? what if they close our
section again, huh? What if our careers are predominately destroyed by
your stupid idea to get away from the office on the--"
"--Most beautiful day this Summer," I finished for her. A second later,
"Scully! Today is perfect!! We are going to be the masters of the city.
And I promise we won't do it, ever, ever again."
"Ever-ever?"
"Ever-ever-ever-ever."
"Okay, then."
I smiled when she ordered a beer.
*^*^*^*
A.D. Skinner left the FBI Building; they'd done it once, but they weren't
going to do it again. In fact, they'd done it several times. Several times
too many.
He didn't bother to catch a cab; they wouldn't have gone far. The only
thing he knew at that point was.....
....They were in SO much trouble.....
^*^*^*^
"Right....TWO THREE FOUR---"
"In the town,"
"where I was born,"
"there lived a maaa-aa-aann,"
"who sailed the seas," (she giggled.)
"and he told,"
"us of the life,"
"in the laaa-aaa-and,"
"of submarine....."
So, maybe one or two or three of us had too many beers too many, who
cares? We sang beautifully as a duo--who would have guessed? Actually
you know, I'm not even sure if we were all so good....all I knew was that
I had never sung anything in my whole life willingly and, hey, there's a
first time for everything.
"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!" Scully yelled into the
microphone along with me. I drowned a little more liquor between
singing and laughing, my arm around her shoulders. Where were we?
Had to have been a karaoke bar, but who really cares? Not I.
"A YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE!! WE ALL
LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE!
YELLOW SUBMARINE!!"
Okay so by the time we had finished annoying everybody in the bar, we
finished our last (sniff) shots and I paid before clinging to her before we
stumbled away. Anyway, before long we were looking down over a very
long, high bridge and Scully started giggling like crazy, and so I helped
her dump our overdue report into the water far below.
"I bet the submarines will find it down there," I suggested.
"The yellow ones. The yellow ones," she insisted. I nodded.
"The Yellow Submarine gods are shining upon us today," She reached
towards the sky. "There it is--" she pointed to the sun and we both
cracked up, using each other to support ourselves on our way down
towards the streets again.
*^*^*^*^^
A.D. Skinner checked everywhere before it occurred to him to check
their cell phones. He dialed Mulder's number and was met instantly with
laughter and the agent's voice saying, "Yankee Stadium, Second base!"
"Agent Mulder, where the hell are you?!" Skinner yelled into the phone.
There was a hushed murmur and more giggles from the other end before
he distinctly heard Scully's voice on the phone. "Sir," she said seriously,
"Sir, is your computer running right now?"
Skinner opened his mouth to question but didn't get that far. "THEN
YOU BETTER STOP IT BEFORE IT GETS AWAY!!!" there was
hysterical laughter from both of his agents before he heard a very definite
BEEP.
Shoving his phone back into his jacket pocket, Skinner straightened his
tie and started for the nearest bar. He felt sickly sure that he would find
his agents there, if anywhere.
*^*^*^*
Wow we spent alllllll day in DC, puttin' on the Ritz I suppose. We drank,
sang, drank, made prank phone calls, duped the police with our superior
wit (and badges that happened to read FBI on them) and did I mention
we drank?
"I am......" Scully stumbled into me as we made our way down the
sidewalk. "I am.......drunk," she mumbled, leaning her head on my
shoulder.
"I am......." I hiccuped and thought about that one for a minute. Finally I
raised my voice and lifted my hands into the air. "I am.......THE
WALRUS!!"
"You don't look like a walrus," Scully said, surprised, looking at me from
a distance and nearly falling over. I caught her arm and raised a finger,
hiccuping again.
"No, no, no, I am the walrus." I nodded and blinked hard; why was
everything so blurry like this? "I am also.......I am.......drunk, too."
"Me too," Scully chimed in. We leaned against each other and laughed a
little.
"Mulller I'm tired," she whined.
" 'Cully, I'm.........drunk."
"So am I."
"Me too."
"What you wanna do?"
"I think we've done everything there is."
"Tha's impossible,"
"Nooo," I complained, looking down at her dizzily. "No, it's not. I
mean.....we......uh, mmm......what was the question again?"
"Don' remember."
"Okay."
Scully rubbed her eyes and we sat down on a bench somewhere. "Wha
time is it?" she yawned.
"I don't--" I stopped and looked at her, appalled. "How am I supposed to
know?!"
"You got a watch." She pointed to my arm.
"Oh." I pointed to her arm. "You got a watch, too."
"Oh." She started laughing hysterically again, but cut herself off a minute
or two later. "So what time is it?"
"I don't remember."
"Oh."
"Look up," I suggested, pointing at the sun. "Hmm looks like it's between
time for lunch and time for....wha' comes after lunch?"
"Dinner I think. Or wait, Supper? Dang, I've forgotten."
"I'm tired, Scully."
"I said that already."
" 'I'm tired Scully'?"
"No....'I'm Tired Mulder'."
"When'd you say that?!"
"I don't remember."
"Oh."
"Good night, Mulder," she said, and leaned her weight on my shoulder.
"Good night, Scully," I said, and I blacked out.
^*^*^*^*^
Skinner found Scully's car in a nearby parking garage; and he waited
there until nine--he figured, what the heck, I'll get on them tomorrow. He
sighed and caught a cab to the Hoover Building, then drove home.
^*^*^*^*^
THE NEXT MORNING
I woke up with a headache, and that wasn't all. I mean, if you count
Scully being draped over me like a dead twig.
"UUUUUUUhhhn," I moaned and rolled over.
It was then that I realized that I was in Scully's apartment; and I wasn't
wearing anything.
*^*^*^
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
!!!!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
!!!!!"
*^*^*^
I took the next day off from work. I told them that my friend's son had
died in a car accident--it kind of qualified--and that I really wasn't feeling
up to coming in.
I rushed home; we didn't speak to each other all morning. Which was sort
of ok. What wasn't okay was I didn't remember the previous evening, and
I woke up next to my best friend.
But the surprises didn't stop there.
As soon as I got home I stumbled into the bathroom and took a handful
of aspirin, then started the shower and took off my shirt. I caught sight of
myself in the mirror and turned in a terrified circle, like a dog trying to
chase its tail. Because there was something on my back.
I fumbled around until I found a handheld mirror and I used both
reflections to see what the hell was on my back.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
!!!"
Perched innocently on my shoulder blade was a colorful image of........
.......Well.......
I banged my head against the mirror and reached back to touch it. It hurt
a little physically, but that was nothing. Oh, hell, I'd gotten a tattoo! This
wasn't supposed to happen to me....!!!
I sighed into the mirror and then got into the shower.
Of all things to have tattooed across my back......
Why the hell a yellow submarine?
~ The End ~ *giggle, giggle, snort* please send me feedback to
hardra6@yahoo.com my first official try at silliness....I liked it, you like
it?