a/n: ok ..yeah...this story isnt my best... and i dunno...its my first LJ...
a/n: ok, hi there. umm.. i have been editing all of my oneshots lately, so... yeah.. i fixed the typos [i think i got all of them] but i dont really think i changed much more than that.. umm... yeah... i probably wont be updating my ron/herm story because it sucks...so... dont expect anything new on that front....besides, i've been really into lily/james lately.
READ MY NEW STORY: YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!
summary: revised: one shot. James is just about ready to give up. no matter how many times he asks her, lily will never say yes. but, sitting by the lake, he thinks of the perfect plan to get his Flower...[pg13 for language] RR
When Squids Fly
Lily was in her 7th year of Hogwarts, Head Girl, perfect student. At least, that's what she let on. Her life wasn't perfect, not even close. At home, she was hated for being a witch. At school, she was hated for being a muggleborn, or for being so "perfect". There was no refuge. So she closed herself off. What else could she do? And its not like CERTAIN students were making Hogwarts any easier. Namely, James Potter.
At first, they hated each other and Lily could deal with that. If it was one thing Lily knew, it was hate. But, then, he changed the rules. He fell "in love" with her and she couldn't deal with that. So, she hated him more, convinced that he just wanted to say he got to the Untouchable, to the Ice Queen.
She convinced herself he didn't give a damn about her except that she had said no. He'd never been rejected before and the moment she said no, she became a challenge. A challenge he had stuck to since her 5th year. A challenge he had yet to give up on.
Lily wished he would just leave her alone. At first, it was easy to hate him, reject him. After all the shit he pulled on her since first year? That made it so easy for her to hate him. And it's not like he stopped after 5th. In fact, he pranked her even MORE since he started asking her out EVERY DAMN DAY! Okay, so she was a little frustrated. Mostly because he had stopped. He hadn't pranked her all this year.
There were two possible reasons for this: he had matured... OR he was planning something huge that will catch her TOTALLY off guard. She wished she could choose the latter, but its kinda hard to disregard what your heart was telling you. That's right. The Ice Queen herself, in all her icy glory, was melting and her heart was out there, making decisions her brain should be making. And she couldn't stop it. More than anything, she wished she could stop it. But she hadn't noticed until it was too late.
It started out slow... she was a little less bitchy when James asked her out. Now it was to then point where she felt bad everytime she said no....this was bad. No, it was worse than bad. What was worse than worse than bad was that it scared the shit out of her. She hated feeling scared. When she was the Ice Queen, she was sure of herself. She knew what was going on with her. Now, not so much....
This was VERY bad, worse than worse than worse than bad. But, after years of living with her family, she knew how to hide pain- or any emotions for that matter. And, slowly but surely, after reliving every single horrible thing James had ever done to her, she felt her icy-ness return. That was good. That was very good.
Lily always had liked Christmas. Not that she'd ever had a particularly nice one, but during holidays, everyone was gone. Lily always stayed...she just did. And Christmas was better than Easter break because exams were right after that break, so most people felt obligated to stay. Plus, winter could kick spring's ass any day. Lily didn't see how people could hate the winter.
She loved the rejuvinating cold and the icy snow. After the first snow storm, she was in her element. She was the "Ice Queen" after all. The only good thing about spring was the rain. Other than that, it just meant another summer was coming. She hated summer. But this was her last Hogwarts winter, and she planned to enjoy it. It was the last day before break, and everyone was bustingly about, getting packed and all that. Lily was by the lake, sitting under her favorite tree.
The lake was frozen over but Lily refused to skate. The Giant Squid might seek revenge against the school and could break the ice at any moment. At least, that's what Lily thought. She had a rather active imagination and couldn't help but think of grim results to any happy or joyous thing. But, she'd been ending more and more stories with "happily ever after"....
This didn't worry her. She was just bored with the "they're all dead" endings. Right? Of course, she didn't realize that she was melting all over again. History was repeating itself, and she wouldn't realize until it was far too late.
She didn't know how long she had sat there, but Lily awoke from her daydreams when she heard the crunch of snow and twigs behind her. She turned around, only to see Potter staring at her. She faced the lake again, not even acknowledging his existance. As he sat down, she stood up and went to walk away.
"Wait, Lily." He grabbed her arm. Shrugging him off, she turned to face him, her eyes locking with his.
Suddenly, she felt weak in the knees. Uh oh. She tried to turn around, but all she could manage was to avert her gaze. Looking no where in particular, she waited. He cleared his throat, obviously nervous.
"Look. I know you hate me and all but... would you at least look at me?" He pleaded, noticing how her eyes were glazed over. She looked into his eyes again but this time made no attempt to look away.
He seemed sad... but there was a flicker of hope behind it. She sighed and he stepped closer. He licked his lips, whether out of nervousness or because of the cold, she didn't know. He just stared into her eyes, as if he could find out all of her secrets through them. This scared her, but she couldn't break the gaze. Finally, he snapped out of his stupor.
"Lily, would you... consider... maybe... goingtoHogmeadewithme?" He asked quickly. Lily blinked, and finally regained her composure. She took a deep breath, obviously annoyed to be asked AGAIN, and said to him, quite coldly
"When the Giant Squid flies around the Quidditch pitch." And with that, she stalked off. On the outside, she was angry at being asked out by James yet again. But, inside, she was having a mild [okay, major...] panic attack. All she could think was that she had wanted to say yes. That she had been one breath away from giving in... and now she wished she had taken that leap. This was bad....very bad.
James was crushed. He sat down where his Flower had just been. It wasn't worth it. Why go through all this pain for someone who hated him? He had thought, for a moment, she was going to say yes. She hadn't yelled or glared. She just kind of stared at him. But then she had refused. Again. And if he asked her the next day? Same result.
She always said no. James was ready to give up. He could have any girl in the school, so why did he want the one who hated him? He sighed. That was it, he was done. He'd find some other girl and then, hopefully, he'd forget Lily. He had had girlfriends before. They were great, exactly what he always thought he was looking for. But no matter how many girls he found, they weren't her. They couldn't make him forget her.
And now? Now he was depressed.
He knew no one else would cut it but... she didn't want him. He stared out into the lake, where the Giant Squid was currently cracking the surface of the ice with a tentacle. Luckily, everyone skating on it got to the edge of the lake in time...but wait...He was hit with a stroke of brillance. That was it! The Squid! He jumped up and ran for the Tower, plans formulating on winning his Flower. All he needed was a little help from his friends and maybe some cooperation from a certain lakedweller....
Lily hadn't really left her dorm, aside from meals, since "it" happened. She realized that she was falling for him the moment she had weakened her resolve to hate James. But this time was different...it was impossible to get those walls back up a second time... Everytime she tried to think of all the horrible, terrible things James had done to her, she just thought of how sad he looked when she refused him the last time. Or how bitchy she had been to him. Or how sorry he had been lately. Or how sincere, kind, and mature he'd been.
All of her excuses were gone. She didn't hate him anymore. She didn't even dislike him. She didn't know what she was feeling. She had never felt this way before. All she knew was she was scared out of her mind. That, and she had to avoid James at all costs...he held way too much power over her....
Avoiding him had been easy so far, he had been rather busy and she didn't care why. It meant that she could go to meals and come back without any hassle. She didn't know why, but strangely she was disappointed every time she entered the Common Room and he wasn't there. It was almost as if she missed him. But no, that couldn't be it? She was so confused and it sucked. Lily just wanted it to be like it was before. Hate was so much easier to understand than whatever she was feeling now....but they couldn't go back and Lily was terrified to go forward. What was she going to do? What were they going to do? She spent a good part of her time obsessing over this.... and over him.
It was Christmas. Lily woke up around 10, not in any rush to see the "presents" on her bed. Usually, she just got a letter from her parents, saying how proud they were of Petunia, and a small gift from them [like a pair of socks or some money...just to shut her up], a few Howlers from a certain house, saying what a disgrace she was to wizards [they only sent them to her, mostly because she was the only muggleborn to do better than every single Slytherin in every class... including potions], and, the only thing she actually looked forward to, a gift from her favorite aunt. She wasn't really her aunt, more like a family friend who her parents stopped talking to because she was a witch.
As Lily awoke, she saw her normal pile of letters, some in lovely red envelopes, a package she was sure was from aunt Isabel [who always wrapped her Christmas presents with paper that had moving broomsticks on them], and strangley enough, a small box with a card. Sighing, Lily reached for the letter undoubtedly form her parents. She skimmed it, seeing them blather on about Petty's new boyfriend, who sounded VERY boring, and getting stuck at the part where they had written, ever so lovingly, that she had better get all of her shit out of their house before next August or else it will get thrown away. Lovely. Lily felt her eyes sting with tears but she quickly blinked them back. Inside the envelope was some money. Lily took a deep breath and looked to see how many Howlers she had recieved. She counted 5 and reached for the first one. It exploded, as did the others following it. They all said the same thing, but she wasn't listening.
She moved onto he aunt's gift. Unwrapping it carefully, so as not to rip the paper, Lily thought about how much she wished she could live with her aunt. But, her aunt lived in New York...how could she still go to Hogwarts? It was impossible, so she let it go. Her aunt Isabel was the oddest women Lily had ever known. She was obsessed with Quidditch, and had already given Lily quite a few clothing items with either Quaffles, broomsticks, snitches, and/or bludgers zooming around, including the pajama pants she was wearing. Her pants were covered in tiny snitches and broomsticks, and she was wearing them with a plain, white t-shirt that reached to her mid-thigh. She sighed, thinking of all the clothes her aunt had given her over the years.
Ever since she started Hogwarts, Lily has had to pay for EVERYTHING, with her aunt to help anyway she could. But Lily preferred to concentrate on the gift in front of her, rather than dwell on the past. When she opened it, Lily saw that her aunt had gotten a little crazier. The box was full of books. Some of them Quiditch, but most of them exactly what Lily usually had to borrow from the library. And underneath that? A beautiful gown, packed carefully in a sepate box....
Lily remembered seeing the gown in her aunt's closet, on one of her frequent trips to her aunt's house. Lily had loved the white gown from the moment she saw it....her aunt had told her it was her wedding dress...wait. WEDDING DRESS? Aunty Isabel was a little more than off her rocker if she sent LILY a wedding dress...Note. Had to find an explanation. And Lily found one in the card. Isabel had given Lily the dress because.... because she was "grown up now and might need it soon" she was to take good care of it and not mess with any of the charms placed on it. Lily didn't even take it out of the box. She placed all of the protection charms she could think of on it and put it in the secret compartment in her wall she had found ages ago. That dress was the most important thing Lily had and she didn't want anyone to mess it up.
Lily was ready to take a shower when she noticed the last gift on her bed. She didn't know who it was from but...it couldn't hurt, could it? Lily sat back down and opened the box, immediately shcoked by what she saw inside. It was a gold chain with a charm on the end. The charm was a tiny lily and on the back was an engraved "L". Lily was amazed. No one would - or should - spend this much money on her, at least not in her opinion. She was freaking out, but spotted the card.
It was short and to the point: Flower, Meet me at the Quiditch Pitch at 7...please....James. Lily wasn't sure if she should go but....she was torn. Should she go and deal with this whole thing or just ignore it all? After a few agonizing minutes of debate, Lily decided she had to go, but ONLY to return the gift. [OK, so she was in denial...so what?]
7 o'clock
Lily was sitting on the stands, freezing her fingers off. She placed a warming charm on them before impaciently looking at her watch again. He had 4 minutes before he was late... well, 3 1/2 now. Then, she saw him coming from the other end of the field. She stood up, box in hand, all set to give him the rehearsed speech. But, the moment he came withing 10 feet of her, that all flew out the window. She stepped down to the ground and waited for him to come to her. She looked around and turned to him
"What?" He took a deep breath and said to Lily "I have a question to ask you. But don't interupt me...please just hear me out. I've liked you for a really long time and...well...I was wondering if-" Lily's eyes suddenly grew wide and she sputtered out, trying to remain calm
"James-J-j-james? Um...did you know that there is a .....thing.....flying aroung the Quiditch PItch? It looks remarkably like-like-like .." James smiled, and turned to the direction she was looking
"The Giant Squid?" He asked, seemingly normal, as if it were natural
"Yes...the Squid" she said slowly, turning to James, who laughed.
"Well, look at that, the Giant Squid flies around the Quidditch pitch. Not something that hapens all the time, huh?" Suddenly, Lily remembered how she had turned James down the last time he had asked her out. She smirked and tilted her head.
Poking him in the chest, she said "Think you're so clever, [poke] huh? Using my [poke] own words against me [poke][poke] Well, I'm not as predictable [poke] as you thought. [poke] What, you thought I'd just say 'yes' to your [poke] date offer [poke poke] because the Squid is flying around? Well [poke] did'ya?" Her face was now inches away from his. He was obviously dumbstruck, thinking she was totally pissed and about to hex him into next year.
He was too shocked to answer, so instead, Lily did something no one would have expected. She leaned in, and kissed him. It took him a moment to realize what was going on, but when he did, he was even more shocked.
As Lily pulled away, he seemed to come to his senses. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close to him. Her arms went around his neck and she kissed him again. At that moment, she realized why she had been so confused, what she had been feeling.
She loved James and with that her ice melted away and her walls collapsed. But she didn't miss them. She didn't want to be "Ice Queen" anymore. Not as long as she had James. She wasn't scared or worried, being with James was better than being Ice Queen because she could lose her anger and hatred, but she knew she would never lose James. They broke apart again and Lily laid her forehead against his, biting her lip. "Guess it worked, huh?" She whispered to him, not wanting to let go.
He was too shocked to speak or move, he just stood there staring at her. She sighed and whispered to him "James? James... I love you" Hearing that, he broke into a smile and kissed her.
"I love you, too." And neither of them knew how long they stood there, staring into eachother's eyes. But, obviously it was too long because whoever [hmm...a certain Padfoot?] was controlling the Giant Squid got bored and decided to have the squid cannonball back into the lake, causing a huge splash, It awoke both of them from whatever spell was holding them, and they walked back to the castle, hand-in-hand. Lily finally had the perfect "happily ever after" ending... at least for now.
a/n: I know the ending isn't very good, but w/e. my first lily/james fic. if anyone spotted any irony, PLEASE review and tell me, I don't want my humor to be lost [hint: has something to do with the Squid and the ice and the lake- somewhere in the beginning!!].... give me some feedback, please????? umm... i had something else to say but I don't remember what [uhoh] anyways, thanks for reading :)