Once More with Feeling – Harry Potter style!
Ok, crazy idea but I recently watched the episode of Buffy entitled, "Once More with Feeling." This is the one where they all sing, you know, like it's a musical.
Well I had a crazy notion to substitute the characters from Buffy with the characters (well some of them) from Harry Potter.
The thought of Draco Malfoy and Ron singing was just too irresistible, so here it is.
If you don't watch Buffy, you should know that before this episode that I am about to recreate, Buffy died and was brought back to life by her witch friend Willow. So to make things easier for me to write, I'm going to have my surrogate Buffy die also, and be brought back to life. Here is a little summary of the characters from Buffy, and their new Harry Potter alter egos.
Buffy: Harry Potter (HP)
Xander: Draco Malfoy (DM)
Anya: Hermione Granger (HG)
Willow: Fleur Delacour (FD)
Tara: Ron Weasley (RW)
Dawn: Ginny Weasley (GW)
Spike: Cho Chang (CC)
Giles: Sirius Black (SB)
Demon bloke: Voldemort in the guise of Tom Riddle (TR)
Minion1: Minion 1
Minion 2: Minion 2
Minion 3: Minion 3
Because there are songs going on throughout the story, I thought it would be easier to follow if, when the characters are singing, they're initials appear in front of their lines. If 2 people are singing at the same time, then the writing will be in bold for 1 and bold Italics for the second. Anything that appears within these: , are the actions that are happening as the person is singing. Hope that's clear, if not, let's hope that it becomes apparent as the story progresses.
The disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters in Harry Potter; I also do not own Buffy, or any of those characters. They are the property of J.K Rowling and I think Joss Whedon, so do not sue.
Ok, so here's the story before the story, if you get me, i.e. this is the bit where our surrogate Buffy (i.e. Harry) dies and gets brought back to life. Because this is not the important singing part of this story I thought I'd just give you a sort of blanket overview of what's happening with our characters.
Voldemort was close – Harry in pain from his scar – falls into unfortunately close lake – attack of the giant squid – water in lungs – death – brought back to life by Fleur Delacour who, by some phenomenon, is at Hogwarts and by some inexplicable freak of nature, is dating Ron Weasley. (Please do not ask me how or why, it will probably be too difficult and long-winded to explain.) Ron is none to pleased with Fleur at the moment as he thinks she is using too much magic to sort out easy problems. To stop him being mad at her, Fleur has bewitched a small flower to make him forget his anger, which she has placed under his pillow for him to find
After much arguing and fighting and wand-waving and more arguing… Draco and Hermione are engaged. (See above brackets for Fleur/Ron relationship, as the same theory applies.)
Cho is the only one who knows about Harry's true feelings about his rising from the dead, but no one really pays attention to her, as she is a Ravenclaw. (On this note it must be said that no one really likes Draco, but is too afraid that Hermione will hex them into "insensibility" if they tell her how they feel.)
Sirius is out of hiding and around to help Harry after his recent demise.
Ginny is as annoying as ever, and has a frequent habit of getting into irritatingly complicated and dangerous trouble. The sort of trouble that increases Harry's mortality exponentially, as he is the "Boy who Lived" rather than "Slayer" , and the only one who can save the day… just because that's the way life is.
On with the music. In Buffy, Buffy slays vampires and demons and such, in our story Harry shall slay the evil things and whatnot that hang around in the Forbidden Forest. Oh, one more thing. I made Draco Xander and Hermione Anya, but some of their song parts are swapped around… for comedy value. You'll see.
Now… on with the story.
The alarm went off shrilly. Harry picked it up and looked at it for a while. In the next room Fleur was brushing her hair frantically as she wandered towards the bathroom. Ron sighed and made the bed. He picked up the pillow and saw a little flower underneath. Thinking Fleur had left it for him to surprise him, he picked it up and pocketed it. Ginny was banging frantically on the bathroom door, as Fleur emerged and let her go in. Harry was still looking at his alarm clock.
Downstairs at breakfast, Hermione was showing Draco something she'd found in Witch-Bride Weekly. Draco was showing no interest whatsoever. Hermione elbowed him sharply in the ribs before a friend called her. With a withering look at the injured Draco she swayed off.
Fleur was showing Ron an interesting spell in a book she was reading.
Harry was sat, colouring in a piece of paper so that it was all black.
Sirius appeared from nowhere. He passed Ginny who was reading 'Moste Pontente Potions', and scowled. He pulled the book from her grasp. She gave a small huff and wandered off. Sirius made his way towards Harry who had almost completed his colouring task. He waved his wand in front of Harry's face, Saturday morning training time, so Harry got up and followed Sirius from the hall.
Later on… actually much later on… it was night-time. Harry was wandering through the Forbidden Forest, wand at the ready. Music appeared from nowhere, but Harry continued walking and then…
HP: "Every single night the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real nothing here is right.
(Smacks werewolf out the way with blast from wand)
I've been making shows of training blows,
Just hoping no one knows
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking through the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.
(Stabs the returning werewolf with silver knife… and it dies)
I was always brave, and kind, out righteous,
Now I find I'm wavering.
(Sees demon and 2 vampires performing ritual on helpless person… who is tied to a tree)
"Crawling round the ground, you'll find this fight just,
Doesn't mean a thing."
(Hexes vampire round the head)
Vampire 1: "He ain't got that swing
HP: "Thanks for noticing."
Vampires: He does pretty well
With fiends from hell,
But lately we can tell that he's just going through the motions
Demon: … Going through the motions,
V1 2: Faking it somehow.
(Kills off vampire 1 and blasts demon guy with wand)
Demon: He's not even half the guy he… ow! Collapses
HP: "Will I stay this way forever?
Sleep walk through my life's endeavour."
Cuts captive free from tree
Token Blonde: "How can I repay…"
HP: "Whatever,
I don't want to be,
Going through the motions,
Losing all my drive.
I can't even see,
If this is really me,
And I just wanna be…
(Vampire 2 attacks, Harry kills it)
Alive!
The music fades out to nothing as Harry looked meaningfully off into the distance.
Harry made his way down to breakfast the next morning. Everyone was sat at the Gryffindor table, even Malfoy and Sirius, enjoying their breakfast.
"Respect the cereal, and tame the toast!" Draco yelled whilst brandishing the aforementioned breakfast goods.
"That's still funny Draco," Hermione said without enthusiasm as she concentrated on her breakfast. Draco dropped the food.
"Did Ginny get off to arithmancy Ok?" Ron asked his best friend as he sat down.
"What?" Harry said distractedly, "Oh, yeah, I think so…" Ron looked at him puzzled.
"So… there's no research going on today, no new death-eaters or whatnot?" Harry asked brokenly. Hermione shook her head Sirius repeated the gesture.
"Good," Harry said as he looked at them all, "So, did anybody… I mean last night, did anybody… burst into song?" Harry asked as he surveyed them. Everyone stopped what they were doing, Hermione dropped her spoon.
"Merciful Slytherin," Draco muttered.
"We thought it was just us!" Fleur declared as she grabbed Ron's hand.
"That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see…" Sirius began, but everyone was talking over each other.
"We were just talking and then everything rhymed it was like…" Ron said.
"Like you were in a musical," Harry finished, Ron nodded.
"We were arguing and then everything rhymed," Hermione was saying.
"… And the synchronised dancing from the house elves," Sirius continued.
"…And the huge dancing montage…" Hermione continued.
Everyone fell quiet.
"It was very disturbing," Draco mumbled.
"What did you sing about?" Sirius asked Harry. Harry looked uncomfortable.
"I don't remember," he said quickly, "but it seemed perfectly normal."
"But disturbing," Draco piped up, "and not the natural order of things and do you think it'll happen again?"
"Well we should investigate,"Sirius said.
"With zee books," Fleur exclaimed.
"Do we have any books on this?" Ron asked.
"Well we need to break it down," Draco said, flailing his arms a bit, "look at the facts before it happens again, 'cause I for one…"
SB: "I've got a theory, that it's a demon,
A dancing demon, nyeh, something isn't right there."
FD: "I've got a theory, some kid is dreaming,
And we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare."
(Ron does an imitation of Jazz hands)
DM: "I've got a theory we should work this out,"
ALL (no HP): "It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about?"
HG: It could be purebloods, some evil purebloods.
(Sees Ron and Draco's faces)
Which is ridiculous,
'Cos purebloods, theyarestandupguysareancinetgoodandlovlierthepurebloodpowerandI'llbeoverhere."
DM: "I've got a theory, it could be bunnies."
(Everyone looks at him in disbelief for a while)
RW: "I've got a theory…"
DM: "They're not just cute like everybody supposes,
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.
And what's with all the carrots,
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?
Bunnies, bunnies it must be BUNNIES!"
(Everyone looks at him shocked and incredulous)
DM: "… Or maybe muggles…" (Hermione glares)
FD: I've got a theory we should work this fast,"
(Sits down and opens book)
FD SB: "Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed."
(Sirius gets up and turns around)
HP: "I've got a theory, what does it matter?"
(Sirius turns to look at Harry)
"What can't we face if we're together?
What's in this place that we can't weather?
Lord Voldemort,
(Everyone winces)
We've all been there,
The same old tricks, why should we care?"
ALL (no SB): "What can't we do if we get in it?
Herm'll work it through within a minute,
(Hermione looks amused but annoyed)
ALL: We have to try, we'll pay the price,
It's do or die…"
HP: "I've nearly died twice."
(Sirius laughs)
ALL (no SB): "What can't we face if we're together?"
SB: "… What can't we face…?"
ALL: "What's in this place that we can't weather?
SB: "If we're together…"
ALL: "There's nothing we can't face…"
DM: "Except for bunnies."
"You see, now that was disturbing," Draco said as he sat down heavily.
"I thought it was wonderful," Fleur said as she flicked through a book.
"So, what is it?" Harry questioned, "What's causing it?"
"I thought it didn't matter?" Sirius said with a raised eyebrow. Harry smiled.
"Well I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish, yet affordable, quidditch gear, but something unnatural is going on," Harry said, "and that doesn't uaually lead to hugs and puppies." Sirius smiled.
"Well is it just us?" Hermione asked, "I mean is it only happening to us, because that would probably mean a curse," she ventured. Harry wandered to the entrance of the hall and looked out.
"I got new mail today!" A boy was singing
"We got new mail today!" A large group sang behind him as they did synchronised dance with the mail.
"It's not just us," Harry said as he wandered back to the table.