John Paul let three buses go past before he realised he wasn't really intending to get on one. Each time he saw one coming, he started to stand up and then reached into Matthew's pram, or pulled his phone from his pocket again and messed around with it. Anything to make sure he looked busy so the driver would just carry on by.
It had been an hour since he'd sent that text to Doug apologising for not being able to make it; he had to have read it by now but as yet he'd had no reply. So that was another thing he'd managed to mess up.
That was when it occurred to him that he was being a massive idiot about everything. Exactly what good would running off again do? It would just make him miserable, make his mum and Carmel worry, and make Doug hate him. He'd pretty much had enough of people hating him to last a lifetime.
Just as the fourth bus was coming up the road towards him he stood up and turned the pram around, walking off in the direction of Doug's flat instead.
He couldn't even be sure Doug would let him in, of course. It didn't exactly look great, the way he'd been pulling away every time they got close and then now they'd finally slept together he basically stood Doug up. He reached into Matthew's pram with one hand and unlocked his phone with the other, smiling to himself a little as the sleeping baby curled his fist tightly around John Paul's finger as if for moral support. At least he still had one person on his side, even if that was only because he was a baby and he didn't know any better.
"Wish Daddy luck," he muttered as he found Doug's number and pressed dial.
It rang long enough that John Paul was starting to assume Doug wasn't going to answer, but he stubbornly kept it pressed to his ear and thanked his lucky stars Doug didn't have a decent voicemail service. Eventually there was a click as Doug answered.
"Hi," Doug answered. He was quiet, and John Paul assumed it was a combination of pissed off and upset.
"Listen," John Paul started. "I'm sorry I missed dinner. I understand if you want to tell me to get lost, but I've had the worst day, I'm sort of standing outside your flat as we speak, and I'm really hoping you'll let me in so I can explain-"
"Sure. Come up."
"Thank-" John Paul was cut off by a beeping in his ear and he realised Doug had ended the call. Steeling himself, he started to fight with the pram to get it inside but he ended up abandoning it and carrying Matthew up to the door in his arms instead. He was just trying to free a hand to knock on the door when Doug opened it. John Paul could tell he was doing his best to show annoyance on his face, but he took one look at John Paul and all of the forced tension drained from his body as he instinctively reached forward to take Matthew.
"You look terrible," Doug noted softly, cuddling Matthew close with a small smile. Taking the baby was a small gesture, but it meant the world to John Paul – he really wasn't alone in all this. "You weren't kidding about having a bad day, were you?"
John Paul just shook his head as he closed the door and then leant back against it, closing his eyes. "Patrick suspended me again. For the post-it thing, and for kissing you."
"What?!" Doug exclaimed, and then lowered his voice to try and keep from waking Matthew. "He can't do that!"
All of the fight had gone out of John Paul since the confrontation in Patrick's office. All he really wanted to do was go to sleep and forget about the whole thing. "There were pictures of us beside the car pasted up all over the school. It was one of the kids..." he trailed off, sighing again. "I just can't handle any more of this."
Doug passed Matthew back to John Paul and retrieved the pram from outside, a task that was much easier when there wasn't a sleeping baby in it. Closing the door again and locking it, he watched as John Paul settled Matthew – who was mercifully still asleep – back into it, and then he took John Paul's hand and tugged him over to the couch. "You can. I'm here. You can get some sleep and then in the morning we'll figure out how we're going to handle this. I am partly to blame, after all."
John Paul smiled as Doug settled down beside him on the couch, lifting his legs and settling them across his lap. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Doug absently tracing patterns on John Paul's calves like it was the most natural thing in the world and John Paul just staring up at the ceiling, trying to remember the last time he felt like somebody actually cared like this. He knew it had been like this with Craig once, but all of the bad memories were still outweighing the good at the moment.
"I'm sorry I cancelled on you," he mumbled, breaking the silence. "I have terrible instincts sometimes."
Doug shrugged. "It's fine. You're here now."
"I was going to leave," John Paul started, and Doug looked at him with a frown. He stumbled to clarify his words. "I sent you that text because I was at the bus stop and I was going to run away again. I'm really good at running away from my problems and I thought my only option was for this to be another one of those times."
Doug's hands stilled on John Paul's legs. "What changed your mind?" He asked, softly.
John Paul was quiet for a minute. "Honestly?" He muttered, and Doug nodded. "You. I know that probably sounds stupid and intense when we haven't even been on a real date yet, but I just..." he trailed off, struggling to put his thoughts into words. This is why he's a teacher, not a writer. "Last night was the best I've felt in ages, and I realised I would be stupid to run away from the one thing that's going right for me at the moment."
Doug smiled down at him and John Paul couldn't help but grin back. He pushed himself up onto his elbows as Doug leaned in for a kiss, but before they could meet in the middle a gurgling sound came from Matthew's pram, quickly followed by a full blown scream.
"Hey, mate, it's okay, I'm here," John Paul babbled, scrambling to get up.
Doug pushed him back down onto the couch. "It's okay. I'll get him."
"I-" John Paul started, but Doug was already on his feet and lifting Matthew out of the pram. The baby immediately quietened back down and Doug laughed, bringing him back over to the couch where John Paul had sat up properly and swung back around to plant his feet on the floor.
"See, your cockblocking kid just wanted some attention," Doug grinned, and John Paul laughed at him, pushing Doug in the shoulder as he sat back down.
"He takes after his gran," John Paul admitted with a chuckle, twisting sideways a little so that he could press closer to Doug. "In both respects."
"Attention seeking and cockblocking? Remind me never to get on Myra's bad side," Doug smiled, bouncing Matthew up and down a little as he smiled happily back up at them.
"You're good at this," John Paul commented, and Doug laughed.
"Yeah, well, seems I have a thing for single dads," he murmured, leaning closer to John Paul.
"You'll be regretting that when he's old enough to walk in on us in bed," John Paul breathed, flicking his eyes down to Doug's lips and back up again before Doug closed the gap and pressed a kiss on his mouth. It was a gentle kiss, nothing like the passionate ones of last night, and it made John Paul's fingers tingle as it confirmed to him he'd made the right decision in sticking around.
"You're already planning that far ahead, huh?" Doug whispered as he pulled back, unable to keep a smile off his lips. "Think I'll still be here then?"
John Paul looked down at Matthew and then back at Doug. "I really hope so."
Doug blushed a little as he grinned, dancing Matthew up and down on his lap. "Yay," he cooed, laughing as Matthew beamed back at him and then handed the baby back to John Paul as he stood up. "I'll reheat dinner. You're probably starving."
"You're like an angel," John Paul sighed happily, swinging his legs back up on the couch and settling Matthew on his chest. "I don't deserve you."
"Just be glad I didn't throw it all out when I got your text like I was tempted to."
John Paul lay on the sofa, watching Doug move around the kitchen reheating the food and stroking Matthew's back until he finally fell asleep again just as Doug was dishing their dinner onto plates. Standing up, he settled Matthew back in the pram and prepared himself for a broken night of sleep; the pram wasn't an ideal place to try and get a baby to sleep the whole night but this once it would just have to do.
He padded across the floor and pressed close behind Doug, hooking his chin over his shoulder and placing a couple of kisses on his neck.
"Suddenly I'm not so hungry," John Paul whispered into Doug's ear with a grin, and Doug laughed as he turned around in John Paul's arms.
"Nuh-uh Mr McQueen, I don't think so. I'm not letting this food go to waste and I can't reheat it again," he teased.
John Paul snorted a laugh and squeezed at Doug's waist. "Bossy."
Doug pecked a kiss at the corner of John Paul's mouth and then reached behind him to pick up one of the plates, moving it to within smelling distance for John Paul, and John Paul couldn't help but move towards it. "Well... if you insist..."
"I do." Doug twisted out of John Paul's grip with a chuckle and took their plates over to the table, where the places were still set although the candles had been blown out and the wine was back in the fridge. They ate in silence for a few minutes and John Paul suddenly realised how hungry he actually was. He'd had some toast before he left Doug's that morning, and a jam sandwich while he was shoving some of Matthew's things into a bag earlier, but nothing substantial since well before the middle-of-the-afternoon-drunkenness yesterday.
"This is amazing," John Paul managed to mumble between mouthfuls. "I'm sorry I almost missed the chance to eat this. My stomach would never have forgiven me."
"You're an idiot," Doug laughed. "But you're welcome. And you can stop apologising."
John Paul nodded as he carried on shovelling spaghetti into his mouth. "Sorry. I mean, erm. Yeah."
Doug reached across the table to empty the rest of the remaining food onto John Paul's plate. "I ate an entire box of Jaffa Cakes after I got your text, and I snacked all day at work, so you should definitely be the one to eat the rest of this."
John Paul wasn't going to say no to that. He was feeling a bit fuller now and he'd slowed back down to the rate a normal person would eat at. He realised Doug had finished a while ago and was just sitting back in his chair, watching John Paul with a little smile and running his finger around the rim of his empty glass.
"What?"
Doug shrugged. "Nothing. Well. No, nothing."
John Paul cocked his head to one side. "Come on. If you want me to stop apologising, you have to at least be honest with me or I'm going to think you're still pissed off."
Doug huffed a laugh and shook his head a little. "Just... promise me you won't run. I don't think I could handle it if I let myself fall for you and then you disappeared."
John Paul could sense Doug was serious about this and he put down his fork, reaching across the table and taking one of Doug's hands in both of his. "I promise."
"No matter what, right? I'm a pretty easygoing guy. Anything happens, we can talk about it and work it out." He looked down at their hands and smiled a little. "There's pretty much nothing you could throw at me that I couldn't handle, trust me, I've been through a lot. Just don't run away."
John Paul nodded and squeezed Doug's hand. "I promise. I'm sorry I considered it." He laughed as Doug quirked an eyebrow. "Last one, I promise."
"Good." Doug stood, tugging at John Paul's hands and leading him back over to the couch. "Now that's the serious stuff over with, want to watch a movie? I'll let you fall asleep on me and I won't even complain if you drool on my shoulder."
John Paul flopped down on the sofa beside Doug. "I don't even know where to start with that. I think you just insulted me three different ways in one sentence and for some reason it's extremely endearing..." he smiled, his eyes twinkling as he leant into Doug for a kiss. Doug reached out, his hand settling on the back of John Paul's head as he pressed their mouths closer together. John Paul's fingers worked their way under Doug's collar as they kissed, eventually pulling apart when they needed some air.
"So which part offended you most?" Doug questioned with a chuckle as he rested his forehead against John Paul's.
"Well, we only slept together once and already you're displaying a worrying lack of desire to get me back into bed..."
Doug snorted and kissed John Paul again. "Your son is here, you idiot. Plus I'm pretty sure I've not been shy at showing you how much I'm into you."
"Well..."
"Next problem?"
"You think I'd dribble on you?"
"I'm not saying you definitely would, I'm just saying I wouldn't complain if you did."
"That's a bit of a weird kink, Doug."
Doug grabbed a cushion from the other end of the sofa and whacked John Paul in the arm with it, laughing. "That's not what I meant and you know it. What was the third one?"
"That you think I'd fall asleep in the first place in order to do the drooling."
"I don't even know how that could be construed as an insult."
"I- well-"
"Neither do you." Doug dropped the cushion and leaned back towards John Paul for another kiss. "You're dead on your feet. I'm just suggesting you relax."
John Paul nodded slightly and rested his elbow on the back of the sofa, his fingers rubbing gently at the hair at the base of Doug's neck. "I'm more relaxed around you than I've felt in months. It's a bit of a revelation, actually."
Doug closed his eyes, leaning into John Paul's touch. "I know what you mean." He twisted his head against the back of the couch to look at John Paul. "Oh and by the way, when you said earlier that we haven't even been on a real date yet? I absolutely count yesterday as our first date. What better first date story for us to tell Matthew when he's older than drunkenly covering your boss's car in Post-It notes?"
John Paul snorted and tipped his head back against the sofa, letting his arm drop as Doug stood up to go and pick out a DVD. "As long as I get you out of this, I don't even care if I lose my job."
Doug twisted around from where he was crouching on the floor, a couple of movie boxes in his hand. "We're going to fix that." He held up the boxes. "Skyfall, or Die Hard?"
John Paul shrugged. "Whichever you want," he yawned, closing his eyes. Doug laughed, putting Skyfall in the DVD player, and he was completely unsurprised that John Paul was already asleep by the time he stood up again. He smiled at the scene, tugging free the cushion that John Paul was now hugging, and sitting back down beside him. John Paul stirred, opening one eye and yawning again. "Sorry," he mumbled, and within seconds both eyes were closed again as he shifted in his seat and settled his head against Doug's shoulder.
Doug laughed quietly and placed a kiss in his hair. "I thought we agreed no more apologies," he whispered, and then turned his attention to the movie.