Disclaimer: I don't own RENT and its characters.

Author's notes: Just a quick one shot inspired by a song by my favorite band, the Sons of Pitches. I only heard the song once, and they don't have the lyrics posted because they tend to be a family-ish band and this was clearly not a family-ish song but, whatever.

Roger POV

OK, so I've never exactly been the boy that mothers would point at when they were out walking with their daughters and say, "Oh Mitzy, look at that Davis boy. He's going to make a great husband someday. Are you friends with him? I know his mother I can give her a call if you'd like." I was more like the boy that they would point at and say, "Mitzy, look at that Davis boy. I have heard that he smokes and drinks, and that he takes advantage of young girls. I want you to stay away from him. If he ever comes near you are to ignore him and walk away."

I knew I was this guy. I was quite proud of being this guy. I also knew that being this guy was gonna get me in trouble, eventually. But it was high school, and hell if I cared. Even after the first time that it got me in trouble.

The day after graduation (not mine, I was a sophomore) I went to one of the parties (but I was that cool)…and at this party there was a shitload of booze and girls. Two of my favorite pastimes. I was pretty much in heaven. And about two hours into it, I was pretty much drunk.

I was in the midst of getting another drink from the punch bowl, which held pretty much anything other than punch, when I was approached by this girl, a brunette. She wasn't exactly the hottest thing on the planet, but with a couple drinks she was morphing into something a bit more acceptable, so I figured I could give her the time of day. Or in this case, another drink, a pointless action for a few reasons. One, I had seen her a few times around school, and knew of her reputation to be rather lacking when it came to the ability of keeping her legs shut, and two, she was already pretty drunk. I just wanted to make sure this was going to be a sure thing.

So then we went upstairs and did our thing, parted ways and that was that. I didn't really think of it for a couple days. All it was, was a meaningless drunken fuck.

And then I started to get a burning sensation…down there…when I went to the bathroom. Yeah. I tried to ignore, but it wouldn't go away. I'm not exactly a medical expert, but I knew that wasn't good. So to the free clinic I went.

That's where the doctor swabbed me…down there…and the entire time he was doing it he was just smiling and explaining to me every possibility of what I had. Let me tell you, it was probably the most awkward experience of my life. Me being a 16 year old, with this forty year old doctor swabbing me. It was so fun. Really. I suggest you try it.

Then I waited for the test results. Read about fifty issues of Highlights magazine, and found all the stupid fish in the trees or whatever. Afterwards the doctor told me my problem. I had contracted chlamydia.

That bitch gave me chlamydia.

OK, technically it wasn't entirely her fault. I was fully willing to do her, and we were both a little to drunk to be perfectly safe…but she was so the one with chlamydia to begin with.

In any case, I had chlamydia, which was my first warning that my lifestyle was going to be a problem. But the doctor gave me some antibiotics, which I took, and then after a few days everything cleared up, and I was ready to turn over a new leaf. I was going to be a more responsible guy.

And then my friend threw a party. With a keg. And I met this blond…

I liked being the guy that mothers steered their daughters away from. It was far more fun than being one of the promising boys anyways.

Yeah so the song was basically that story, but I took a few liberties. It was very entertaining, and I just couldn't get the concept of using it with RENT out of my head so this was born.

Thoughts?