I have already posted this on another site a few years ago, but I've been reading a lot of stories here so I thought I'd contribute a little.
Blurb: P&P to the tune of the Christmas carol "Deck the Halls".
Deck the Halls at Longbourn
Mrs. Bennet's Verse
Mrs. B: Deck the halls with bows for Collins.
Jane: Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Mrs. B: Heedless of his teeth or folly.
Lizzy: Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Mrs. B: Like him more than his looks warrant,
Lydia: La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Mrs. B: For he is the heir apparent.
Kitty: Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
.o8o.
Mr. Bennet's Verse
Mr. B: See the blazing fool before us.
Mary: Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Mr. B: Mary, stop that bloody chorus.
Mary: Fa-la…
Mr. B: While I view most fools with pleasure,
Mary:(silence)
Mr. B: This man tries me past my measure.
Mary: (silence)
.o8o.
Mr. Collins' Verse
Mr. C: When dead away the old man passes,
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
You'll need me to save you lasses.
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
In return, I ask a favor.
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Marry me. I'll be your savior.
Bwa-ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha.
.o8o.
The Bennet Sisters' Verse
Jane: I have only eyes for Bingley.
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Lizzy: I remain by choice quite singly.
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Mary: I'm the best bet for your offers.
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Kitty and Lydia: We have only eyes for off'cers.
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
.o8o.
The Bingley Siblings' Verse
Charles: I'm in love with... Oh look, shiny!
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Lousia and Caroline: (aside to Darcy) Wherever you lead, he'll follow blindly.
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Let us leave this dull backwater.
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Ere he weds a local's daughter.
Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
.o8o.
Darcy's Verse
Darcy: (spoken) I do not perform for strangers.
Caroline: Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Darcy: (silence)
Caroline: Fa-la-la, la-la, la-la-la-la!
Darcy: (glaring silence)
Caroline: (silence)
Darcy: (silence)
Caroline: (silence)
END