Konosuba but it's the tractor who got reincarnated.
Vroom...vroom.
I was a tractor. My job was to plow the farm fields, but the old master only used me to stroll around various places. He was once a farmer who lost his touch; had to sell his farm due to the lack of interest from the younger generation. Even with games like Harvest Moon and Farming Simulator, the sight of what real farming were actually like would scare them off.
He once reminisced about the good old days when he had to tend his grandfather's farm during the holidays, while other children could just play around. His complaints akin to a child's tantrum annoyed me a lot. Alas, I couldn't even retort back at this damn geezer.
I could only comply and listen; sometimes I felt like strangling this fellow to death and slap him in the face from whining too much, but before it came to the point I started ignoring him, out of blue, he told me his so-called profound wisdom from.
"I did not regret being a farmer at all. I could release dump and take a leak in the fields as I please. While people brought our products, in the end, some of the stuff they ate were a product of my compost donation."
..profound your head.
In one peculiar perspective, yes his words did make an impact. Even more so, since I couldn't even spurt oil and waste at the farm even if I wanted to. This life was a torture, why did my will was given to a mere tractor I had no control of? What kind of crimes I did in my past life to suffer so long?
That to be said, I didn't gain sentience for that long. As I came to, I found myself in the automotive store, waiting endlessly with nothing to anticipate. Rarely anyone ever came by, and the owner wasn't even a talkative person. In any case, why would a sane person talk to a tractor anyway?
As soon as I realize that, I felt grateful in life for being with old master. He was old and lonely—his wife had passed away some time ago; all his children and grandchildren had left for somewhere else. If he were to pass away, would I had to stare at nothingness for eternity?
...who knows. Before that time came, I just hope that one day, I could die and go somewhere else, but I beg of you, whoever governs this world. With the cost of my life, as a gratitude for the happiness he gave me through his neurotic talks.
...end his suffering by also taking his life.
Reality was quite fickle, just when I was getting accustomed to this kind of life with old master, things took a strange turn.
One day, old master and I went on a casual stroll. Driving around an asphalt road overlooking a scenic lake, old master nearly hit a schoolgirl. His driving wasn't normal and he went too fast.
As I stared at his face, with the amount of time we spent together, I knew he daydreamed about his late wife. Lately his complexion was getting paler by the second and he could go on without talking for days.
That morning, he was strangely energetic—I didn't even know what caused his sudden recovery, but that's when I realized...
..he was nearing the end of his life.
As soon as old master yelled out the name of his wife when he nearly hit the schoolgirl, he passed away from heart attack.
...and the young man who charged forth to save the girl also died from being run over. He seem to have a weak physique that was no different than an elderly, and the injuries had put him into a coma. The state he was in was so miserable, with bleeding all over and various fractures. Even if the young man went over his condition, there's a good chance he'd be crippled forever.
Not long after, I saw a blue-haired woman wearing hagoromo eying me with contempt.
"You stupid tractor! For killing this young man, you gave me another troublesome job! How on Earth could I make a fake story to convince him not to feel remorse on dying and moving to another world? Go die and reflect on your actions!"
What the hell. I was just a tractor without any control over myself and you blamed me for murder? Why wouldn't you blame this damn geezer instead! Was it because he's already dead you wish to pick me as a scapegoat?
Though, even if she was stupid, her powers were the real deal. I felt my consciousness separating from the tractor, and I transformed into an orb of light flying towards the skies. Soon after, I went to a dreamlike state, observing the past of that peculiar young man.
Satou Kazuma, he became a NEET after his elementary school lover went with another guy during his third year in middle school—what the hell was that? Oh well, he was supposed to be in his first year of high school. I didn't understand what the hell's with those teenagers.
...because I myself was not that young anymore, tractors had no age but I used to be a human. I forgot a lot of things about my past life especially how I ended up here-but I knew, to end up being a tractor, there's a good chance I wasn't someone decent.
Given that his parents were mostly out for the job, they didn't notice their son playing truant—that's when the letter from the school came in. Kazuma suffered a lot of scolding but he refused to give in no mater what due to his heartbreak.
Soon, they gave up on him; even refusing to give him allowances. Although that didn't matter, since he was able to make money through MMOs, which allowed him to sustain his NEET lifestyle.
He was just returning from buying his games when the tractor hit him. He, who should be enjoying his life without having to worry about money due to his skills, were forced into this predicament.
...what a terrible luck.
Before I experienced the flashback, I sensed his lack of life-force even before the ambulance came and escorted him. Her words were true; my tractor body killed him.
The next thing I knew, I ended up in a morgue, since he was already deceased before the medical staff could help him.
"Kazuma...Kazuma..."
In his deathbed, his parents could be seen crying without end. Their son might be a NEET, but it's still their children. Even though it was supposed to be a sad scene, for some reason it felt really distant to me.
Where's my human heart to not feel anything aside from sarcastic things? Was it due to me being a tractor and not being able to do anything beside cursing at everything?
...then I realize, the loser wasn't actually that young man.
It was me.
The one who had terrible luck was also me. On top of that, I was pinned for murder although its beyond my control. The reason why I didn't feel anything for his demise was due to my heart freezing from all this torture.
..of staring towards nothingness and not being able to do anything.
Saddest fact of them all, no matter how much I tried to gain control of myself it was to no avail. Even if I was free, this society wouldn't even accept a tractor who had a will of his own. If I wander around as a spirit, I would face greater peril and be enslaved by the stronger entities for all eternity.
I noticed that, inside this vehicle, there was a barrier-like thing which kept my existence safe so far. Yet, all of this only made it dilemmatic for me to move forward.
If I gained my control over this tractor and be found out, I would be exorcised and be sent to the netherworld where I would suffer never-ending torture.
..what did I do to deserve this?
Tell me, what did I do wrong to receive this kind of punishment?
As I was deep in my contemplation in the sight of weeping parents, I was teleported into a space filled with darkness around, a palatial ground of emerald floors—with the entire space being empty except for a certain area—it's exactly where I currently am; in front of me was a throne where a girl sat solemly.
It was a white-haired angel.
In this form, I was able to look at my own body, which was now a burning flame spirit. The angel muttered in a low voice whilst bowing her head:
"...we apologize for putting you through this ordeal. Even though you're a criminal in this past life, seeing you in such miserable state, it was indeed to harsh of a punishment."
"Forget about it."
To my words, she raised her head, still keeping the same pious face and even her tone was well-articulated.
"What?"
"I'm curious about the youngster over here. Even though it wasn't my fault, that young man was killed by my own body. I was wondering if he was doing well in the next world. In addition, tell me how my old master went."
I decided-even if the blue-haired goddess was responsible for my torment, I'd forget it for now. Maybe it was harsher to memories related to the crime erased, so I could truly amend myself and become a better person. If I knew all along the terrible things I've done in my past life, I might felt sorry but when opportunity came I would went back wronging others once more.
It's because of this young man I finally regained freedom.
The angel's mouth twitched and wearing a strange expression, she stuttered:
"S-satou Kazuma, h-he...went with goddess Aqua to the world governed by goddess Eris."
"Can you tell me what happened in detail?"
A screen appeared out of thin air as the angel made a swiping motion. There I saw the blue-haired goddess and the young man berating each other.
W-what's with this comical scene? Wasn't she supposed to be a goddess? Why was her mental age similar to a children? The young man wasn't any better either, but I could relate with him since I like to make snarky comments about everything.
...though when it came to the explanation why the young man died, I was baffled.
"Do you know how you died? It was so hilarious! What you saw before wasn't a truck—it was a small tractor driving at a slow speed. The girl was okay but you fell unconscious on the road, and died through a heart attack at the hospital—even the doctors laughed at your condition!"
"The story was the lamest bullshit I've ever heard since I became a tractor! Not even the old man would make such unreliable lie. Since the young man seem pretty smart, although mentally unstable, I doubt he'd believe such bull-"
What? He actually bought such lame excuse of a fake story!
Putting a wider smug smile, the goddess looked as if she completely triumphed over the youngster.
"Your parents didn't care about you anymore, you HikiNEET! You have two choices: either to go to heaven, but it's boring you know? Or you can go and defeat the Demon King in a fantasy-like world. You can bring one cheat item or ability to this world. Now go along, don't waste my time."
"You damn bitch, I'm bringing you along with me!"
The young man pulled the goddess towards the portal; they went to another world just like that.
Now I thought about it, even though my respect fell a bit due to him buying the lies so easily, his decision to bring the goddess made sense. With such entity who wield such tremendous power, defeating the demon king would be a piece of cake and it's not a lie.
"It was such an obvious bullcrap, why did he fell for that?"
"The goddess used a spell so the other party wouldn't notice a lie on their end. It would also persist in their entire lives so they would believe the fake story which the other party won't doubt in the rest of their lives. Goddess Aqua had to suffer myriads of guilt making those young people forget the tragic death they had to go through in this life!"
"She acted so nonchalant and shameless though, is there a problem with her head?"
"It's her way to keep herself from being sane. Given that the ones who reincarnated with special privileges were youths who died tragic deaths, it was especially soul-crushing to recount on their deaths and made a fake story as if their voyage was nothing at all..."
"That doesn't make any sense. Why won't she just explain to them the truth?"
"Because they might not be able to handle it and with no cause to their death explained, they would kept wondering to the point it would continuously distract them during their adventures. Remember, they were still children. Goddess Aqua would only explain the truth, if based on her judgment, the other party would pass on quietly without any grudges. Satou Kazuma didn't seem to be the case."
She didn't seem like a considerate goddess in the first place. Was this Angel actually her subordinate who got tasked on indoctrination? That seem plausible, but asking her about that wouldn't get me anywhere.
"Seeing him pull her just now, he was quite the vengeful person alright. How about you? Didn't you feel troubled having to guide such things?"
"Of course not, I'm just an AI program created by the gods to handle the previous world ruler tasks until a suitable replacement were chosen. No matter how much despair their stories had, I would always accomplish my job."
"Huh...that aside, did bringing that goddess along count as being granted a cheat item or ability?"
"Of course not. Seeing as goddess Aqua would lost her godly powers upon entering another goddess' world, she didn't qualify to be a cheat. Instead, Satou Kazuma would get another ability the goddess herself prepared."
"What's that?"
"Luck blessed by a goddess. It was an ability which enhanced your luck to the maximum level, when one wasn't able to choose any cheat abilities and items, she would choose what's best for them."
"Why did she choose luck? For what I know, it wasn't everything. Wouldn't it be best if she bestowed a lot of wisdom or intelligence to the young man?"
"Unfortunately, goddess Aqua didn't have any of that, I'm afraid. She prefer gambling rather than working smart—that's why her stipends always run out before the end of the month. No need to question further why she choose luck."
So it was actually her 'totally biased without common sense' personal preference rather than thinking on others' shoes. I couldn't see anything more unreliable than this.
"How the hell did she became a goddess then?"
"The will of the deities are unfathomable for a mere mortal like you."
Man, I felt like having a headache.
"Ah..fine then, let's drop the matter for now—how's my old master?"
"...I thought you'd forgotten about that matter."
"The youngster did made me curious but I wouldn't forget old master. Granted, he's the one who annoyed me the most ever since I gained consciousness in this world."
This time the angel, or should I say, the AI Program—performed another swipe, and a bigger screen unfolded before my eyes.
It was a scene reminiscent to the world of Immortals in Chinese novels. I wouldn't get into detail since it just flashed through, until it stopped at a certain bamboo house near a field of medical herbs. A woman dressed on medieval Eastern robe brought a baby to a man who looked like an Imperial Official, judging from their words (translated on the screen) the newborn was a boy.
Maybe it's just my feeling, but for a moment there, the newborn seem to be looking at my direction with a smile. Not long after, before the screen blurred, there seemed to be a young girl about few years old rushing over at the couple and greeted them.
...that was all I could see.
"Do you get the big picture now?"
"...is this going to be another stereotypical Xianxia journey?" I couldn't help but ask.
The plot probably went like this: the little girl would be the love interest, whom were the reincarnation of his wife. As they grew up and practice cultivation within a sect, the girl was taken by an arrogant young master and he was reduced to a trash with his dantian crippled, making him unable to cultivate in addition, his entire family was killed. One day, the gods gave him a cheat ability which allowed him to get back against the young master and took back his wife and avenge his parents.
Although, due to the young master influence, it only sparked a beginning in which the main character started his domination to become the strongest in the entire cultivation world and regain back everything he lost. A journey of romance and revenge.
Hmm...I said it was pretty stereotypical but I didn't know gramps or probably the blue-haired goddess was into that kind of thing.
"That, I could not answer. It all depends on fate itself."
I guess it's more natural to refer to her as the angel. She now pondered for a bit before the conversation turned towards me.
"While it was true you were a criminal in the past life, but your crimes were much too meager for such punishment. At most, you were to start over in this life with bigger handicaps. To avert you from doing the same thing again, you were supposed to be born to kind parents who would groom you with good morals but apparently goddess Aqua made an error in her judgment. She thought of it as April Fools because she read too much manga and didn't feel like working at all."
"..."
My rage felt like exploding. I wish to strangle this goddess to death right now—so my suffering was actually a joke to her...
"...we understand you felt totally wronged about this, but in return, you will reincarnate with two cheat abilities. Since you didn't possess a human body in this life, you would start over as a baby."
At first, I wish to take three cheat abilities but I figure, one was already enough, given they made the right choice. I wasn't that shameless to bit off more than I can chew.
"Before that, can you please tell me what crime I committed to deserve such punishments?"
"Are you sure you wish for me to release the memory-impairment charm?"
Even if I couldn't nod with my current physique, I made an affirmative sound.
...
"The seal would be uncovered by the time you finished your reincarnation, but if you truly wish to resolve your karma, you should wait and enjoy your time here until the moment arrives."
To me, Karma was a very important thing. I didn't want any lingering debts or grudges carrying over to the next life for.
It was my utmost wish to immerse myself in the present, so whenever there's an opportunity to have my Karma resolved, I shall persevere, no matter how long it takes.
My incarnation as a tractor taught me such matters better than anything else.
"Alright."
...
I didn't know how long was it, since the youngster actually managed to journey through when I got reincarnated, but that wasn't important right now.
It's been a while since I last felt the warmth of a bed, or should I say a crib. In my flame spirit form, I couldn't feel and touch anything. The wait wasn't as painful since I could still enjoy the entertainment of this world. I could also eat after being fed spiritual energy by the Angel. Some of these things felt like gourmet food.
It was such a long dream in which I couldn't even sleep and dreamt of another, but now I was finally awake. Free to enter and leave this world as I pleased.
My vision came by...and I saw...this youngster holding my body with both hands. He was much older and he didn't look as naive back then.
What the heck? Why are you my father!
With my sudden surprise, I couldn't suppress my outburst and broke to tears.
"Kazuma! Be more gentle while holding the baby, he's our child you know!"
A black-haired woman with short hair and red eyes came to him, her chest was a bit flat though.
"Ahaha...well, he looks like a cheeky little bastard I felt like pranking him, I didn't know what rascal did he resemble."
"Who else other than you!"
There were various silly talks between this stupid couple, but at the very least I could tell, these folks got along pretty well.
I didn't know anything about the woman, but since this youngster were the ones who saved me by sacrificing his life, I would do my best to repay his favor.
Well, at the very least, try to become a filial son.
Who knows what face he might make when he realize I was the reincarnation of the tractor that killed him.
Anyways, when I met that goddess again I would make her suffer and prank her every time for putting me in the previous predicament.
As for the cheat skills of my choice, it wasn't really important. My adventures as I grew up would be similar to a stereotypical hero with cheat powers.
It's would be boring as hell-no need to hear it.
As for what crime I committed.
I had a car accident because I was drunk and depressed. I smashed someone's car and both of our vehicles went off the railing. In the other party's auto, there was the blue-haired goddess' favorite author. Both of us apparently died in the end, although the Author's condition was a bit better.
Although if she actually apologized and earnestly repaid her mistakes, I wouldn't mind letting her off the hook. If she was kind to me, I would also try my best to make her happy.
That was an ideal scenario, in which my karma with her would be resolved, but well—they say reality would just give you things you'd never expect.
...but until that day comes, I just wish to savor the life to its fullest with this silly couple.
END
Author's Notes:
Based on the canon, time flows differently in the goddess' space and the world Kazuma and co. was in. So the spirit's waiting time might not be as long as expected.
About the story, I first wanted to make something ridiculous and absurd, filled with silly comedy but for some reason it turned out like this. I'd like to pick up writing again and start rebuilding my foundations by making oneshots I can be satisfied with.
I wish to be more productive and write a lot more stories I'd be joyful about and fill my days with actual meaning. I myself thought, it was fortunate this story was complete and I hope, the next ones would be easier now I had taken the first step.
Last but not least, thank you for reading. I will try to be more productive and write more fanfictions; the next one may not necessarily be about Konosuba though. I just felt like writing fanfiction of various different franchises.
Well that's all, see ya on the next occasion.