Happy was sitting in bed with two laptops next to her and one on her legs just below her bump. She had a Bluetooth earpiece in and was still talking with Cabe when Toby walked into the bedroom.
"He just got home. Yes, I'm glad he's not dead either." She glares at the shrink before turning back to her laptop. "If anyone is killing him, it's me."
Toby gave her a tight smile while he kicked off his shoes and threw his jacket onto the dresser. He grabbed a t-shirt and went into the bathroom with a small sigh.
She took a deep breath and spoke once more to Cabe. "I know, but it still got said. This is between us; it's not up for team discussion."
The earpiece was on a closed laptop next to her when Toby opened the door and now wore just a t-shirt and his boxers. He looked worn down and she knew he regretted what got said the week before.
"Can I move these, babe?" He motioned to the laptops and she said the case was over so she didn't need them at the moment. "We need to talk, please?"
Happy sighed and rested a hand on her bump while he made room to sit beside her. "There's nothing to talk about, Toby. This pregnancy hit a roadbump and your first suggestion was that I abort. You made yourself and your feelings very clear."
"And I wouldn't have suggested it if your life wasn't in danger." The pain was evident in his voice and clear in his eyes as he sat on his side of the bed. "I love you and I can't lose you, not now."
"Well, the risk is high and I'm still not aborting at five months. Not when we've heard the heartbeat and felt her move so much." Her eyes fluttered downward as both hands held her bump; her fingers rubbing at the spot they both knew the baby liked to kick at. Toby's face fell at how she avoided his gaze.
"Will you look at me, Hap? We can't go another day without speaking because of this." He moved his hand over one of hers and finally got her to look at him when he laced their fingers, the clink of their wedding bands making her lips quirk up ever so slightly.
But her eyes still held such misery that he hated himself for bringing this on her. The words she said next cut deep and Toby knew that all he wanted was to make her smile again. "I never wanted children, Doc, not with how my life has been. But when it was your child I was pregnant with, I wanted it. I want her."
"Happy, more than anything I want to have a child with you. But the thought of losing you was too much, I panicked. And I'm sorry for that."
Her pre-eclampsia was discovered last week and it was severe. Being a doctor, Toby blamed himself for not catching the warning signs sooner. Happy assured him, as did her obstetrician, that the condition doesn't typically present itself until much later into the pregnancy. Her back hurt, she had nausea throughout the day, and she'd get headaches - none of which alarmed her as she chalked it all up to her body reacting to the pregnancy.
Her condition wasn't discovered until she woke Toby one night at three am in the middle of the night saying her vision was blurry and that she saw flashing lights even though their bedroom was dark. In that moment Toby realized her symptoms weren't normal, they were much more deadly. His fears, and hers, were confirmed with the pre-eclampsia diagnosis when her urine tested high for protein.
She closed her eyes and sunk further into the pillows behind her. "You always go on and on about how you're a Harvard trained M.D. and such a world class doctor. Now when I needed you to step it up, your first thought was to abort this pregnancy and not fight. That isn't like you, Toby. That isn't like us."
Both were aware of how much that wasn't their style. After months of skirting around each other - his comical bout in the boxing ring and her painful wipeout at standup, Happy finally told him she was ready for them if he still wanted it. Toby pulled her flush against him and said he never stopped wanting it, wanting her. They started with that moment and neither looked back.
Now, almost two years later, the way Happy's eyes stayed shut worried Toby as he settled onto his side and brushed a piece of hair back from her face. He kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger on her skin until he asked a heartbreaking question. "Do you hate me, love?"
Her eyes snapped open so quickly to those words that he pulled back with a start as she stared at him. "How could you even think that?" Her eyes drifted down again before she continued in a softer tone. "No, I don't hate you. But I am disappointed."
Toby was now unable to keep his eyes open at hearing her tell him that so he closed them. He laid his head on her shoulder and pressed a warm kiss to her neck. "I'm so sorry, Happy. My reaction was uncalled for, you both deserved better."
Her fingers snaked through his curls and she sighed, bringing his face up with her other hand so she could look at him. "All I want is you, Doc. And now I want our daughter." He shifted some so his arm was across her belly but where she still had access to play with his hair. "I'm on bedrest until I deliver, Toby. You of all people need to know how much I want this if I'm willing to stay off my feet."
"I know, princess, and I want it, too. But I wasn't able to deal with the idea of losing you. Not when it's taken us so long to get together and finally be this happy."
"Has any part of you changed your mind on us becoming parents?" she asked quietly.
"No, of course not." His hazel eyes were bright with assurance. "I want this baby, Happy. But I'm terrified of losing you in exchange for her." Toby squeezed her hand and nuzzled his scruff against the smooth skin of her neck while he trailed soft kisses along the hollow of her clavicle. "We've had so little time together that I want us to have a lifetime."
"Do you think I'm not terrified? I don't want you to lose me the same way my dad lost my mom." She was as close to tears as Toby had ever seen her and he wanted her wrapped in his arms.
Very carefully extricating himself from around her, he sat up before helping her shift onto his lap to sit sideways.
Happy wrapped her arms around his neck and looked at him. "It took so long to not be afraid of letting myself completely open up to you, now that I have, I want more." Her hand moved to hold the side of his face, her thumb brushing back and forth over his scruff. With her forehead against his, she exhaled a shaky breath. "God, Toby, all I want is you and this pregnancy has a very real chance of killing me."
His eyes closed briefly again and he kissed her. She parted her lips and he swept his tongue over her top lip. She sighed into him as she pulled back, looking at him with pain still in her eyes. "Use those shrink superpowers of yours and realize that out of all the life and death situations we've been in, this one scares me the most."
Happy didn't know if she'd be able to hold back her tears so her eyes closed and she rested her head next to Toby's. He felt her fingers weave through the hair at the nape of his neck and he held her gently. "I love you, Hap. We'll get through this together."
"You don't know that, Toby." Her voice strained and he heard her struggling not to cry with her cheek pressed against his. The feel of Happy's fingers curling into his scalp made his heart tighten. When she continued, Toby's hold on her intensified. "My mother died giving birth to me, I never wanted to have a kid from that fact alone. My dad lost his wife the day she gave birth to me. That's something that could very likely happen to you."
She exhaled, her breath quickening despite all her efforts to keep it steady. "That's all I've been able to think about. You losing me or us losing this baby, all of the things that can go wrong."
"Happy," he said softly, "I have faith in us and in the medical advancements available to us. Plus, I will be monitoring everything and likely driving you crazy." She sat back and looked at him with her eyes glossy but the fear in them didn't dissipate.
"I don't want our forever to be as short as it's been, Toby. I want at least fifty years with you, more if I get my way." She dropped her gaze and spoke softly. "But here I am, five months pregnant and wishing like hell that I make it through this alive to have that future with you."
"We will, babe, please believe that." Toby cupped her cheeks gently as his thumbs swept under her eyes, their eyes locked on the other's before he closed the short distance between them to kiss her.
It was a soft kiss that she parted her lips to deepen. Toby heard her moan into his mouth when she felt his tongue meet hers. There was a gentle back and forth as they reacquainted with one another this way. Only when the pull for oxygen became too strong did they break apart.
Her forehead rested against his and she let her splayed fingers stay where they now were on his neck. "I love you, Doc, so much."
"I love you, too, Hap." He kissed her cheek and whispered they were going to see this through together. "Soon we'll be holding our baby girl."
That made Happy smile as she looked at Toby, her eyes brighter than he'd seen them since their fight. "You and me, Toby," she whispered.
"We made her, Hap. She's perfect," Toby said softly, such awe in his voice as his fingers gently brushed against his newborn daughter who was safely cradled in his arms.
It was hours after Happy's C-section with both mother and daughter in good health. Happy had a smile painted on her worn out yet still radiant features as she leaned more into the pillows Toby had adjusted behind her back.
Looking next to her and seeing the way Toby was practically glowing with joy as he held their new baby girl, Happy wasn't able to stop smiling. "We certainly did, Doc."
"I want to hold her," Happy told him softly. Toby turned some to grin brightly at his wife, carefully shifting their child in his arms, but she told Toby to wait.
"I've never held a baby before." She hadn't been able to take any prenatal courses because of the way their caseload was and then she was put on bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy. Toby assured her that he was better and knew more than any class, and that he would teach her everything she needed to know about babies.
Her eyes were trusting, full of eagerness to hold their newborn daughter but not wanting to hurt her. Ever so gently, Toby sat up more in Happy's hospital bed and moved their baby girl from his arms to hers, positioning her just right. She nodded when he told her to cradle their little girl's neck with her elbow.
Tears came to Happy's eyes when she looked into her newborn's bright blue ones, just experiencing the world for the first time and staring into Happy's dark brown ones. Their daughter was perfect; she had jet black hair like Happy and her mother's nose while her jawline was unmistakably Toby's.
Toby wrapped his arms around Happy and his hand came around her to brush his knuckles against their newborn baby's soft cheek. "I'm so happy, Toby. She was worth it."
"She certainly is." Toby beamed as he looked at his wife and daughter, the two most important people in his life safely wrapped in his arms.