Post Chapter 382.
Name is taken from a song of the same name by Collective Soul.
The pain was excruciating.
He'd watched them get kicked, whipped, slapped, beaten, fried, and jerked around. He'd done a fair share of it himself - and not without a certain degree of relish, either, in most cases. The brooding one with his blessed talents and far too numerous faults; the failure child who could never be as great as his father; and the whiny waif with her annoying, downright disgusting attention deficit handicap. They had each at one time deeply instilled in him the wish to impale himself on the nearest kunai…or any other sharp object close by. There was no hope to be found with these children; no future to entrust in them with safe-guarding. Or so it had been. But the one thing he was better at than survival was scholarship.
And time had taught him much.
It showed him that he could not change his past self in present form; save him from falling victim to the ghostly shadows of an elder brother. Neither could he keep from diving again head first into the deepest wretches of the human soul, abandoning all redeeming qualities just to right a meaningless injustice. Even if the personal vendetta was served and avenger survived, he knew the Uchiha legacy would never recover. He watched himself fall again.
Time continually proved that the little sniffling whelp who never gave up – he who always mustered courage and strength to protect those he loved – was a better shinobi than he could ever be. How foolish of him to have thought otherwise when the other came from such a great warrior, the greatest man he'd ever known, could never expect to be. Only this one could ever hope to be greater than the greatest there had been. He should have allowed the kid the benefit of the doubt a long time ago. He was proud of him. Tack up another tally.
But today as they struggled, fought and lost with every ounce of being, chip of steel, thread of wire they had to protect the last lowly beam still standing, it was horrendously clear: they were losing this battle. This war. Pain would bring down this village – this country – and the whole world would soon follow. The building ruins all around him would be stranger to none if they didn't stop Pain here and now. But he blinked hard against the vision and grit his teeth at the disparity, pushing from his mind the too recent losses to steel himself for the next plan of action. He couldn't forget Jiraiya's sacrifice but he couldn't allow it to consume him, either. He'd been a good friend and counselor…and the last true link to his childhood. Its severance was both crippling and…enabling. He mourned its loss. And he would mourn it properly later.
The sorrow was there but, mostly, it was anger - rage at losing the last heavy block in his sparse foundation. The shuddering breath did nothing to dissipate the emotions roiling within. Yet another waging war he was on the wrong side of. But her eyes on his helped him regain focus; luminous thoughts reflected between them - her worries, his – grounded him a little more with each passing second. He had nothing left to protect…but he could fight for those who still did.
The tentative hand on his cheek holding him there made his chest constrict as he tried to clamp down on the little birthing hope, keeping it from fluttering away. And as it sprouted and gently spread its wings, he realized there was still one stone left in his crumbled foundation. There was no excuse for the past. He couldn't save his teacher or his student.
But as he looked her in her eyes, this…precious person whom meant more to him than anyone should – that he'd tried especially hard to keep out since all others who'd slipped through – he knew he couldn't lose any one else. His battered conscience couldn't take the weight of another stone.