Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and Last week tonight.
A/N:- Hi there! I hope you like it. A new concept.
Preview:- An AU where Harry is a comedian and runs a late night show similar to that of John Oliver's.
Here goes!
*Go by Valley Lodge playing*
Harry: Welcome, welcome, welcome to Last Week Tonight, I'm your host ( and savior) Harry Potter. Thank you so much for joining us. Before we begin, for all those thinking how did you savior *cough* ON YOUR KNEES, PEOPLE! *Cough* ended up doing a late night show? Well it's fucking fanfiction where we can do whatever the fuck we want. Also, that's pretty cool.
Moving on, today we're here to discuss net-neutrality basically internet's dark lord. Now it's a really really serious issue and it is going to affect the wizard community too. Well since Voldemort was defeated, our very own minister of magic, Ms. Granger took the initiative to modernize the wizard England and so far has been successful in doing so. But since the net neutrality now has been scrapped off, this seems to be a problem. Now as you all know very well, *in a very cocky manner* I am a big thing there and am a topic of a very major part of the internet. And by that I mean obviously, Fanfiction, place to unleash your imaginations with a Starbucks ( which I do not own).
So apparently our team went through several fanfictions in which and this is true, I was a dark lord, Draco's lover, Snape's lover? Also where Dumbledore was evil. Well for Dumbles, I can pretty much say he is a great guy an……
*Dumbledore shows up. Audience goes mad*
Dumbledore: Nitwit, blubber…… uh scratch that. You know what? Enough with the accent. I'm Dumbles y'all!
Harry: wait hold on a minute! Wtf professor? Why?
Dumbledore: Well cause your people called my manager, that's why
Harry: *facepalming* oh no. Well why are you here, Professor?
Dumbledore: Oh yes! About that. So people or homies *takes off his gown to reveal bling and a hoodie*
Big H ( Hagrid) called me sayin', man you gotta go to the muggle world and interview some of those muggles who write fanfiction and ask how they feel about the issue. Well I know that they know me as a manipulating old hag but there was money so…..
Anyways, I went to them of course in disguise and asked them a couple of questions. Dean, roll the clip.
The Clip-
Dumbledore: So I'm here in Detroit, and looking for the nearest Starbucks to catch some of the writers. Also it's freezing out here. It's true what they say. "So cold in the D" .
*Narrating* I didn't have to look out for them too long. I found one soon enough.
Dumbledore: Hello young man! What you working on?
Man: Oh! I'm writing an HP fanfiction
Dumbledore: Wow didn't know there could be rad stories about a printer
Man: Oh no, it's Harry Potter
Dumbledore: Of course, such a c*nt
Man: Sorry?
Dumbledore: I said what is the genre of the story.
Man: Oh just a very original fanfiction y'know. With a lot of bashi…..
Dumbledore: Bashing. Yeah yeah. Let me take a guess. Harry is a very rich and powerful wizard, Dumbledore is manipulative, of course, Harry has a super hot girlfriend with a soul bond and Voldemort's ass is grass. Isn't it?
Man: Uhhh.. wait are you recording me?
Dumbledore: huh, what? Sorry. *Runs away to the counter*
*While giving the order* I'mma get that butterbeer.
Lady: Sure, sir!
Dumbledore: *spits the drink* Damn lady! What you put in there? Huh? Nargles? How do you drink this shi….
Lady: Sir calm down or I'll call the security.
Dumbledore: I don't care. How dare you call this horrendous thing a drink? I will…..
*Gets tazed*
Camera goes off
*Back to the studio*
Harry: Oh my God. What have I got myself into
Dumbledore: Well you knew what you were putting yourself into when you signed me up.
Harry: Albus Dumbledore everyone
Dumbledore: Peace out homies
Harry: Moving on, the finance has been really week this year and the wizard government is still not able to come up to a solution. Basically, our government is back in form.
In hip hop news, haters say Dre fell off, how ninja, his last album was the chronic!
Harry: Now as you all know it very well that I've been paired up with the Slytherin sex god himself, Draco Malfoy. *Displays his picture* wow! Accio dem abs. Anyways, I have literally no interest in that little piece of shit and he may look hot, but I'm straight as a line y=mx.
*Draco appears from nowhere*- So is spaghetti until it gets wet.
Harry: Ladies, Draco Malfoy!
Draco- What up? *Ladies faint* Anyways, I'm here cause like always, my "parents" started criticizing the mixed culture and like always started bitching about how Purebloods are the best and shit. So I thought I'mma help out Potter in ahem "eviscerating" all these hoes. Coz these hoes ain't loyal.
Harry: Well that's cool Draco, but have you prepared a piece or something? Like a sketch or anything?
Draco: Well I'm the sexiest man of your whole team.
Harry: It does not work that way, dude. Wait, are you literally applying oil to your chest to make it look sexier and you can get in the show even if you aren't funny?
Draco: *throws the oil bottle* oil? Who said something about oil? Bitch you cookin'?
Harry: Well while we figure this mess out, we'll meet you next week at the same time, till then cheerio!
A/N: pls pls pls review this. Can this be a thing?