Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
When Kakashi crawled through Iruka's apartment window that afternoon he did not expect half a dozen shuriken to land around him.
It's not a silly little moment…
'Shit' Kakashi thought. He thought he'd have enough time to hide the evidence of his morning activities.
It's not the storm before the calm…
"Iruka -" he stopped to crouch down as a kunai flew in the direction of his head and out the open window. He heard a bird squawk and the rough fluttering of feathers as it flew away.
Iruka appeared in the doorway, muscles tense face streaked and rubbed raw from tears being wiped away roughly. To say he was angry would be a slight understatement. Kakashi took a step forward, Iruka instantly dropped to a defensive stance and pulled more weapons.
"Please Iruka! Just let me explain." Kakashi knew there was nothing he could do to explain. He had blatantly broken his promise. Now it was as good as over between them. He just wanted to calm him down enough so Iruka could just break-up with him instead of killing him.
Iruka almost laughed at that, "There is nothing to fuckin' explain Kakashi." He stood straighter and began to walk towards the other man, emphasizing every word with the twirl of a kunai. "You said you wouldn't do it anymore. That's what you said Kakashi, and then you did it anyway. But silly me! I forgave your sorry ass. Then you promised you wouldn't do it, and you went and did it again, and again, and again."
It's the deep and dyeing breath…
Iruka's eyes lost their angry fire for a moment when they locked onto the single visible eye of Kakashi. They were full of hurt, and wonder. 'Why are you doing this to me?' they asked of the silver haired ninja.
A single sob escaped Iruka's lips before he continued. "You were supposed to be back from that mission this morning, so I went over to see if you needed anything. Maybe make breakfast or something. But guess what I saw? I saw you. Screwing around with another one of your little 'fuck buddies' I can't take this any more Kakashi!"
Of this love we've been working on…
Kakashi felt a sting in his heart at each word spoken. He got a sudden flash of memory from six months ago…
... Iruka snuggled up against him and sighed happily as Kakashi stroked his hair. "Do you love me Kakashi?"
"Of course I do."
"Then why was Kurenai bragging about what a good lay she had with you yesterday?"
Kakashi froze.
"It's ok, we never talked about this before. I just assumed you would want, you know, just me." He heard Iruka's voice wavering.
"I do just want you Iruka."
"Then why-"
"I am never really thinking when things like that happen, we were both drunk."
"You cheated on me."
"You just said it was ok!"
"This ONE time! I'm not built that way Kakashi. I can't share my boyfriend with random people he decides to get drunk with!"
"Fine, I understand, no more late nights at the bar with friends, party pooper."
But Kakashi didn't understand. Not at first anyway. He didn't understand that Iruka was a teacher and didn't see all the things he saw on a day to day basis. He didn't understand that Iruka was a loving caring person that gave all of himself into everything he did, even loving Kakashi. He didn't understand that Iruka was fairly stable for a ninja. He didn't understand why Iruka didn't understand the meaning of 'fuck buddy'.
No he did not understand a thing, until Iruka changed.
Can't seem to hold you like I want to,
So I can feel you in my arms…
After the first few rumors reached Iruka's ears he began to withdraw. Kakashi noticed this because Iruka was a natural snugglewhore, and then he just stopped. Then Iruka got sick and things went back to normal for awhile.
A month later Kakashi was at it again, and Iruka stopped kissing him silly every chance he could. A few weeks went by and Iruka's bright smile no longer reached his eyes. After that the fights started, Iruka would yell at Kakashi for sleeping around, Kakashi would yell at Iruka to grow up. People worried at first, asked Iruka awkward questions, but he always said things were okay.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled to many false alarms…
Iruka loved Kakashi, anyone could clearly see it. The thing no one could tell, was if Kakashi loved Iruka. He always said he did though.
We're goin down…
Iruka continued to give and Kakashi remained oblivious until Iruka was just a shell of his former self. Then the threats started. Iruka warned Kakashi that if he slept around he would leave him. He always said it but the Jounin never thought he was serious until he saw the look in his eyes now.
The look of a person who'd given up on a dream, or love.
And you can see it too…
It broke Kakashi's heart and finally he understood. He reached out and two fingers hit the cluster of nerves. Iruka slumped into Kakashi's waiting arms.
When Iruka came to, he felt refreshed, rested, and angry all over again at the sudden realization of what Kakashi had done. He sat up in the bed, or tried to, but Kakashi had tied him down securely.
'Damn Jounin!' Iruka thought angrily and proceeded to work on his bonds. Kakashi cleared his throat from the side of the bed. Before the brown haired ninja could start yelling at the other man, he noticed Kakashi was crying. Kakashi never cried, not around him anyway. He had noticed some tear stains on the collar of Kakashi's vest some days after he returned from the memorial, but never physical tears.
We're goin down,
And you know that we're doomed…
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Iruka." Kakashi blubbered into his hands. "I never said I was sorry. For all the things I've done to you. I didn't….I didn't mean to break your spirit. That's why I fell in love with you. You always found good in this horrible life we have. You always used to smile at me, even when you were mad. But I broke you." Kakashi moved his right hand slightly and the ropes that held Iruka twisted free. Iruka sat for a moment before he realized that this was all he needed. He needed for Kakashi to give as well.
He crawled to the edge of the bed and put an arm around the Jounin's shoulders. "You didn't break me, I'm still here. I'm still here…"
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.
-END-