She stood under the shower, the dream surrounding her. Ever since she could remember, Delphine took showers so hot they left her pale skin bright red. She leaned over, letting the scalding hot water pound against her bare back as her mind raced.
She remembered Cosima's apartment. The smell of incense and old books. Delphine had considering leaving a sweater or jacket there just for the chance to have that scent captured on her fabric. And then Cosima asked her to be honest about what this was really about.
She thought her cover was blown. She thought Cosima knew that she had slept with Aldous. Instead, Cosima let her soft lips rest on Delphine's for a moment before deepening the kiss. Delphine's hands instinctively moved to the sides of Cosima's face. Delphine's tongue was the one on Cosima's lower lip, begging for entry. Yet, when Cosima obliged, letting her tongue brush over Delphine's, she pulled away.
For a moment, she considered pulled Cosima back. She considered tying her to the bed and kissing her all night, until their lips were swollen and their eyes heavy. Instead, she thought of Aldous and how her stupid plans were going off the rails. The image of Aldous only made her nervous, again worrying Cosima would figure it out.
She hadn't considered why it was worse for Cosima to know she had slept with him as opposed to Cosima knowing she was sent to spy on her. Wasn't the second worse for Cosima? They were both betrayals, but it could be argued that Delphine wasn't wrong to sleep with the doctor. After all, they weren't a couple...
Yet Delphine couldn't stand the idea of it. Actually, it turned her stomach to think of Cosima knowing of anyone Delphine had slept with. Just like it made her blood boil to imagine Cosima with another. She knew Cosima hadn't been with a man. But what was her first time like? Had the woman known the gift that Cosima was giving? Had she deserved to touch Cosima? To feel the most intimate parts of her?
She didn't know how it happened, even after Cosima spoke about the real reason. Delphine had already made her mind up that she would be the best monitor out there. She had made her mind up long before she met Cosima. But all her life, Delphine was determined to be the absolute best at everything. So much so that she sometimes didn't know if she wanted something or just wanted to be the best. She made a lifestyle out of it...