That was not how I imagined this story would go, but I guess it is fitting. Hope you guys enjoy it.
Disclaimer: One Piece belong to Oda Eiichiro-sensei.
Shattered
It had been a while since Sanji went back to the crew. Enough so that all that deal with his sorry excuse of a family seemed like a distant nightmare. Enough so that he was back to his routine of cooking and taking care of his nakama. No one mentioned what happened – it was not necessary. Zoro didn't even mock him once. All was well.
Except for Nami.
All was definitely not well with Nami. She barely even talked to him, even when he approached her with her special afternoon tea, even when he baked a whole orange cake just for her. She was the only one who hadn't forgiven him yet.
To her defense, she told him she wouldn't forgive him, still he hoped she was just overreacting a little bit, that soon she would let it go.
But she didn't. And he had no idea why. He apologized profusely. Several times. He asked and asked what had pissed her off so much specifically, but never got any direct answer. He had already run out of ideas of things to do to redeem himself. And still, Nami was mad at him.
He tried to live one day at a time, doing little things for her whenever possible, being careful not to overstep. And day after day he was growing tired of everything. So, so tired. It was consuming him. Not knowing consumed him like a wildfire destroying a forest.
That day, though, he had made a decision. She would tell him what was wrong, whether she wanted it or not. He prepared the tray with her tea carefully and marched to her study, where she had been locking herself up these days, working like a mad woman. He locked the door and hid the key on his pocket. Nami didn't even notice. He could barely see her behind an enormous pile of paper. He placed the tray beside her, in a miraculously empty space and pulled an empty chair to sit beside her.
At first Nami didn't notice he was there, however, as the aroma of the tea finally caught her nostrils, she realized Sanji was sitting right beside her at the desk, just watching her work closely.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?"
He shrugged.
"Just watching you work. Your cartography is more refined than ever. A true wonder."
"Could you please leave? You're ruining my focus."
He opened a small smile to her, one that, although she would never admit it, made her heart skip a beat.
"Not today, Nami. Not today."
She knew that tone, gods, she really did. Whenever Sanji called only by name, with no honorifics, she knew he was serious. However, she wasn't in no joking mood either. Staying away from him tired her in a way she couldn't even begin to describe. It was simply unnatural. She wouldn't give in, though. Not in a thousand years.
"It's simply ridiculous that I have to tell you what's wrong, Sanji."
He sighed.
"I'm not saying I expect you to forgive me. Just, please, tell me what's wrong. I've never seen you so pissed before. Not even with enemies. You are not yourself, and it pains me to know it is my fault. If only I knew, I could at least try and fix it."
"That's the point. You can't fix it."
"Why? Please, just tell me why."
"When something breaks, it remains broken" she began, exasperated. "Even if you glue the parts back together, you can still see where it was that it broke. There is no such thing as fixing." By the end, her hands had curled into fits, ruining the map she was working on. She tossed the thing into the trash can furiously.
"You so don't mean this, Nami. Our whole crew, our whole life is proof second chances are everything."
Seeing the ball of paper in the trash, the ball of paper that was supposed to be a pretty map she was working on for hours, she began to cry. Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks. She was exhausted. Of him, of avoiding him, of how her life was now that she felt so betrayed by him.
"How can you possibly not know, Sanji? Really? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
He kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his.
"Whatever I did that hurt you so badly… I regret it. I never meant to cause you pain."
"Of course you did! You meant it. You meant everything. How could you not know it would hurt me? That it still does?"
"Everything I did was to protect you all. I believed I was making the right choice."
Nami was sobbing heavily, tightening the grip on his hands. She had to let it out now, or it would just suffocate her forever.
"You were going to marry her. You didn't hesitate. You would have married her and stay married to her. Not even once did you think of me, of us."
Sanji felt his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.
"I… I really believed it was the only option. I didn't want you and the others to fight those monsters I call family. If marrying Pudding was the price of everyone's safety, I would gladly pay it."
"And I would have paid it with you, wanting or not. Either you asked if I agreed or not. How selfish of you. You are many things, Sanji, but I could never imagine you had it in you to be so cruel."
"I didn't think it that way."
Nami snorted.
"Of course you didn't. You were too occupied being fooled by cute little Pudding."
"Now you are the one being cruel, Nami."
"Yeah, well, I'm entitled to it. Tell me, were you making plans for your honeymoon? For your life beside her? Did you imagine how many children you two would have?"
"Nami, stop it, please."
"Why should I? You fucking abandoned me and now you want me to forgive you and pretend nothing ever happened. To hell with that. I won't forgive you. I shall never, ever forgive you."
"I didn't touch her."
"But you would, eventually. You agreed to be her husband, so you would. Never mind the pirate you were sleeping with, who was she anyway?"
"Is that what we were doing? Just sleeping with each other?"
"Oh, so now you are mad at me for putting it that way? Funny. It must have been since you went away to marry someone else without even bothering to tell me why or apologizing, or even just saying goodbye."
Sanji groaned. There was no way, no way at all he could win that conversation. He had had no idea how hurt she really had been.
"You must know I love you, Nami."
"Shut up. I don't want to hear it."
"But it is the truth. I love you, and all I did was to protect you. I swear. I truly believed I had no other option. I would never choose another woman over you. I'm really, really sorry I hurt you that much. It was never my intention."
"Don't you see? It doesn't matter. You made your choice. And with that choice, you let me go. That's it."
Of course he knew that. All those days he spent on Wholecake Island, he never got to sleep. He would lie awake in bed, thinking of her, of never touching her again, never hearing her laugh, never being in her company again. It killed him. And to think she would eventually move on and find someone else to love? A part of his heart died right then.
"I know. This is a sin I'm willing to atone for the rest of my life, if necessary. Whatever you ask of me, Nami, I'll do it. Whatever I need to do to earn your trust and love back, I'll do it."
Nami just looked down to him, her tears now all dried up on her face, her hands shaking, eyelids heavy from all that crying. Why did she still love him so much, even after everything he put her through?
"I'm not ready yet. After Thriller Bark, when we first got together, I thought I would never be able to live without you. But we spent two years apart and I survived. I missed you terribly, but I survived. Some nights I wouldn't be able to fall sleep, thinking of you, if you were thinking about me, if you were safe. We went back to Sabaody, and I got even more addicted to you. That first night is one I shall never forget, no matter how many years pass. But now? Now I'm just broken."
Silence fell between them. What could Sanji possibly reply? He had no answer to that. He stood up, ran his fingers on her hair and her cheek. She closed her eyes to just enjoy the sensation.
"I'll wait. No matter how long it takes. I'll wait."
Nami watched as he left the room, leaving her alone once again.
One last tear ran down her cheek as her heart shattered even further.