Certainty
Summary: Elizabeth makes a decision. Spoilers for the Real World.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Again.
Elizabeth Weir turns the heavy, old-fashioned silver watch over and over in her hands, thinking, a thumb rubbing the metal in a rhythmic, soothing motion, her eyes looking at the 'gateroom, but, for once, not seeing it.
He saved her. She knows everyone believes that she did it herself, that it was solely by her willpower that she came back from the virtual world, but she also knows that's a lie. Yes, it was her feet carrying her through the 'gate and back to Atlantis…but Elizabeth knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that had he not been there…had he not exposed himself to infection to reach her, and she would love to yell at him for doing something so stupid except it worked…she would have followed the fake General. She would have doubted, and she would have died. But he was there—telling her that she had support, telling her that he, and everyone else, was there for her. Telling her that, yes, she was right.
She has never had much faith in herself; it's her worst fault—she has always been open to second-guessing, no matter how much her chosen profession has required her to hide it. Most people on Atlantis aren't even aware of it, of the uncertainty plaguing her orders—except for him. John has always known…has always been able to see past her façade of certainty and self-confidence. And sometimes, in the beginning, she almost thought she hated it, how this one man could tear her mask down and aim his words in exactly the right direction to pierce the armor. Now, she nearly treasures it, because in Atlantis, almost as necessary as food and water and air is the existence of someone to lean on. Here, it's not a weakness to rely on those around you, as hard as that lesson has been to learn. Here, the presence of a man who, at times, knows her better than she does herself is something to be cherished, and held more dear than anything she has ever known. Although it is not just his understanding she cherishes, she knows. There is his confidence; the passion with which he does everything, from the mundane task to the most extraordinary; his courage and compassion and, yes, his handsome, heartfelt smile. It is like every romantic cliché she has ever read and given up on is manifested in that one man, and she cherishes that most of all.
John has always believed in her, even when—especially when—she didn't believe in herself. It was that belief that gave her the courage to return; that belief that saved her life. And—she takes a deep breath in, then out—she loves him for it.
Elizabeth Weir closes her hand about the watch, abruptly, and walks away in search of John Sheppard.