Words Unspoken

A Work of Fiction By Shuuxharuka

A/N: Something random I came up with xD

It was late, since I stayed up for New Years.. and was written when I was sugar high xD

So I apologize for the OCC'ish ness…. It's the effects of sugar-high-ness XD

Thank you so much to Bec for proof-reading it and fixing up all the mistakes that my sleep deprived self did xD

I was pondering whether I should post it up, since it's not my usual style... but I guess it's up to the reader's opinion to decide ~

I kinda forgot to post it up, it's almost a month since it's been on my computer x3

Also, this is kind of like something to make up for my absence from updating :)

Anyways, adieu - - fair readers

Summary: She will always be my best friend, nothing more. She will always be someone elses, and never mine. But, that didn't stop me waiting for her, nor cease my overflowing feelings for her, and her only. DrewxMay. CS.

.:D r e w P O V:.

Junior High

I stared at the girl seated next to me, as she hummed softly a sweet melody. I gazed at her one of a kind sapphire blue eyes, that silky, brunette hair which I yearned to touch, yet never had the chance to.

I had known I loved her since a few years ago, as our mutual friendship as children blossomed into something more for me. That kindness which I never had, that brilliant smile that can shatter all the negative feelings from me.

But, she will always be my best friend, never anything more. I wished she was mine, but, she didn't look at me nor feel that way about me. I was the best friend, remember? The one who would always stand in the side-lines, never beside her. Always looking on, not experiencing it with her.

After class, she walked up to me, beaming as she asked me about the notes she'd missed the day before. I handed them to her, as she sighed with relief, her smile broadening.

I would never be the one to shatter such a smile; I would always be the one to keep it safe, so that she could smile on and on. She muttered a "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek.

I wanted to tell her, I truly did. That I didn't want to be 'just friends' … that I loved her…. but, I'm just far too shy… and can only mutter an arrogant remark to cover my embarrassment…. and I don't know why…

High School

My phone rang, as I picked it up only to hear her sobbing. She was in tears, mumbling and droning on about her love and her broken heart. My heart ached, even shattered at her pain. Her pain, was my pain.

Remember to bring a shovel next time to bury the loser that made her cry… I thought to myself, smirking.

I murmur comforting, loving words, hoping to be able to heal as much of those wounds she'd suffered… but, I could never be the one to complete it. She asked me to come over, since she didn't want to be alone. And so, I did. I sat next to her on the sofa, once again staring at her soft eyes, far more beautiful than the last time. Such delicately carved features that just seemed so perfect on her.

Once again, wishing she was mine and mine alone. After 2 Hours, a movie, and three bags of chips…and a whole lot of chocolate… which I presume is a girl thing….she looked at me with those endearing eyes, and murmured a "thanks" before giving me a warm embrace and another kiss on the cheek.

As she pulled back, I gazed once again at her eyes. How I wanted to tell her my overflowing feelings… and yet, I could only murmur a measly "no problem"….

Senior Year

The day before the prom, she walked to my locker, leaning on it casually. "My date is sick" she said. "He's not going to go….."

I was rather glad about this, that coincidentally he had become sick. My heart couldn't take any more of this… the fact that she would always be someone elses, and never mine. To know the reason she's smiling was because of someone else. To know that her heart was content without me. Like I wasn't needed in her life.

"….so" she continued. "Well, we made a promise in seventh grade remember? That if neither of us had dates…. we'd go together…as …. best friends…."

And, we did.

Prom Night

The prom was over, and the night came. I stood on her doorstep, once again simply gazing out how truly beautiful she looked. Her beauty was incomparable, and unobtainable. I stared at her lips, wanting to know its softness, the pure delight of the thought of being able to kiss her.

To be labeled her 'boyfriend' instead of her 'best friend'. She broke the rather 'uncomfortable' silence, and my trance as she said, smiling, all her features lighting up, her sapphire eyes sparkling, "I had the best time, thanks!"

I could only smile gently in return, and muttering a "no problem".

I opened my mouth to say what had been on my mind all these years, but, she had already gone within the confines of her house. I sighed. Perhaps, it was just meant to be that our relationship shall always be and stay 'best friends'.

Graduation Day

A day passed… a week… then a month….and before I could even blink, it was graduation day. Time truly flied with her, and I was at lost for words at how fast things had gone by.

I watched her, her perfect body swaying slightly… as she practically glided up onto the stage to receive her diploma. Yet again, the thought that had always crossed my mind – Of her being mine. But, the logic immediately came to me like always – she didn't think that way of me, and I knew it.

Before everyone went home, she came to me still adorned in her smock and hat… as she cried in my arms, and I embraced her, knowing it will probably be our goodbye… so I should make most of the moment as possible.

Then, she lifted her head from the warm confines of my arms and exclaimed "You're the greatest friend I can ever ask for! Thank you so much!"

She gave me one last kiss on the cheek, before leaving too, with her parent's home. I wanted to call after her, to unleash all those bottled feelings after being silent for all those years.

But, nothing came out, and she was already seated in the car, driving away.

A Few Years Later…..

I sat in the pews of the church… at her wedding… getting married…. to another man. My heart was already broken beyond repair, continually shattering into oblivion… always broken.

All the times she'd said 'best friend' was like plunging a sword into the depths of my already broken heart, deeper and deeper each time.

But, I'd showed up, even at the cost of yet another wound, another blow to my tattered and unloved heart. I had promised. Promised to always keep her smiling. Me not being present wouldn't make her completely happy at one of her happiest moments. I was her 'best friend' after all.

Perhaps, being a best friend was more than I could ask for. I watched her say 'I Do' sealing her drive off to a completely new and happy life.

Without me.

After the wedding, she came up to me, beaming like always and murmuring "You came! Thanks!" She kissed me on the cheek, this time truly being the last moment I'd be able to share with her.

As she drove away with her new life, I couldn't help holding on to the thin thread of telling her what I'd wanted to tell. That I didn't want to be 'just friends'. But, my chances had come and gone… and it was all too late… irreversible, unchangeable, and nothing could be done.

Many Years Later….

Many say I died of an incurable disease. Some say I died because of a physical accident. Some even say that I'd committed suicide. But, that was not the case. I died a lonely man, filled with regrets that were unable to be fulfilled. My death would not pull anyone down with me, after all she already completed her happy ending.

Where did that leave me? Alone and suffering, I looked on at the world with down-cast eyes, only thinking 'what if?'

What if I had told her my feelings? What if I did kiss her? What if she rejected me? What if she accepted me? What if I wasn't the best friend? What if I was the boyfriend? What if I was the one waiting for her at the altar, the one experiencing the happy ending with her?

Such burdening questions, continually weighing me down. It was just so easy, so easy. It was only a few seconds, and it only took one, tiny pill. Now, I could rest in peace, even if I was filled with regrets. I wouldn't have to experience the pain, the pain of being 'just the best friend'.

I lay in my coffin, obviously paid by my filthy rich parents. And, I saw her. She stood beside my coffin, shaking beyond control, her breath rapt and short. Her eyes glazed over, tears continually falling.

Please don't hurt me this way May…. why must you still hurt me even when I'm gone… I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise… of always keeping your smile safe.... I thought.

"Oh…Drew" she could barely say. "W-why?" she whispered.

I had thought that dying was the solution to ridding all this pain, and yet, why is my heart tearing up at fresh wounds, excruciating pain like never before?

"Drew… I regret it all. Now, I can only wonder 'what if?' I've…. always loved you Drew…. always have. I've always looked at you…. wishing you were mine….but, I knew you didn't think of me that way…I wanted to tell you… that I didn't want to be 'just friends'… but every time I wanted to say it… I always lost my chance…" she whispered, barely audible.

"What if I'd told you my feelings? What if I wasn't your best friend? What if I was your girlfriend? What if… we were married? What if….you weren't….gone.. but here… with me?" she continued, her voice continually getting softer, her voice raspy.

"T-t-this….is…. g-g-good-bye…..Drew" she stuttered, before leaving, the tears still falling, as she escaped through the doors of the church.

I was gone… and yet, why was I slowly dying inside? After hearing such words…. I truly do regret it all. I regret everything I ever did in life. The things I could've said, the things I could've done. Dying wasn't the answer.

It never was the answer. I could've changed everything….everything… by just three measly little words. Everything would've changed. I wouldn't be here, simply wallowing in my regrets…

And in the end, nothing was answered. Nothing was solved. Suddenly, a bad feeling formed in the pit of my stomach.

I simply can't rest in peace can I? Perhaps, there is something I can do… before I truly leave..I thought, as I followed in pursuit of May.

Something could be wrong. But, she was nowhere in sight. Where can she be? I wondered, the feeling of foreboding growing even stronger. I searched for in the most obvious of places. Her house. Her room. The school. The church yet once again.

Simply nowhere to be found. The foreboding now desperate screams and pleas. Then, it hit me. The place where we first met. The playground. I immediately went there, to see her sitting on the swing, swinging back and forth, the tears still falling.

There was no friendly atmosphere. Only a feeling of sadness, it was like someone had died there. She suddenly reached into her pocket and brought out a blade, and placed it near her wrist.

I gaped, shocked at this predicament. "NOOOOOOO!" I screamed, knowing that she wouldn't hear me.

But, she suddenly looked up, turning around furiously, standing up from the swings. "D-Drew?" she whispered, her eyes filled with a small flicker of hope.

But, she then looked down, the flicker of hope extinguished out of her eyes. "It can't be… you're…d-d-d…dead" she murmured, as she angrily brushed away the tears, to no avail.

"May….." I whispered, as she looked up, looking straight through me. I was, after all, gone, but only a lifeless soul, a wanderer, unable to completely rest in peace, but to live on with no physical body, filled with my unfulfilled regrets.

"Drew? Is it truly you?" she whispered, her eyes filling with tears once again. "Don't cry May……" I replied, unable to look at her bedraggled state.

"I came here to tell you… something…I should've told you years ago…." I murmured, as she looked up fervently, intrigued.

But, she looked slightly doubtful, like her sanity and vanished, and was now only imagining the things she wished to hear and see.

"I am truly here… not physically… but more like a wandering soul unable to fulfill my regrets…" I continued. She nodded silently, looking slightly more believing.

"Anyways, that's beside the point..I just wanted to tell you I… love you… always have and always will… I always looked at you… wanting you to be mine forever….I didn't want to be 'just friends' and always held onto the hope of maybe something more… I always had thoughts of 'what if?' and am so filled with regrets…." I murmured, as she gaped at me.

She took a few steps closer, as she murmured bitterly "I too, have always felt the same… but it doesn't seem like it's possible now…" as she once again lowered the blade near her wrist.

"No, May. Please don't" I pleaded, as she paused, looking up, her eyes a blood red colour.

"In the end, the things we regret most are the chances we never took….even if I'm gone… you have to live your life to the fullest..to have a happy ever after… don't destroy the precious life you have… you've still got so much to do….so much to learn…. I learnt that the hard way…even if I'm not here… I will always be watching over you… every step of the way.. always…" I whispered, as I placed my hand on her cheek, hoping to caress it, to feel it's softness.. but that was not possible.

She forced a smile as she said gently "Okay Drew… someday…we'll be united…"

I smiled, as I felt for once, my heart being slowly healed, piece by piece. This feeling of the heavy burden I'd been carrying all these years…being lifted. I now no longer was filled with regrets, but could rest peacefully, undisturbed in a deep slumber.

"Goodbye May… remember our promise" I whispered, once last time, as I began to float towards the sky. She nodded, brushing away the tears threatening to overflow.

"I'll always love you May.. whether we're separated, or in different worlds… my feelings will never change" I murmured, taking one last look at the face I will always remember, as I disappeared into the heavens.

The past is like an anchor holding us back….we have to let go of who we once were, to become who we will be.

Reviews will be muchly appreciated!

R&R Shuuxharuka xx