You Are Cordially Invited
By Snazzo
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You are cordially invited to the wedding of the Junkman and Beautiful Gorgeous.
To be held on Antamin Five, in the Sentalli Star Cluster, on Earth date June 25th at 4:00 PM, Galactic Central Time.
Please R.S.V.P. as soon as possible.
Jimmy looked at the invitation in amazement. It was printed in fancy embossed gold on fine paper. Beautiful Gorgeous had written a message underneath it.
Do come Jimmy! It's because of you that I've fallen for the most wonderful man in the Galaxy.
And beneath that the Junkman had scrawled a message.
Jimmy, Goddard is invited too. Roxy hopes you'll bring him.
"Hm, I would have thought that the love potion would have worn off by now," Jimmy said to himself. "Or that the Junkman's stink would have negated it's effect."
"Incoming call, Jimmy," Vox said.
"Talk to me!" Jimmy said as he pressed a button on the console.
"Hey Jim, it's me Carl. Guess what I just got in the mail!"
"An invitation to Beautiful Gorgeous and the Junkman's wedding?"
"Jimmy! Do you have my room wired up for surveillance again? I told you I didn't need your security now that I've had my nightlight repaired."
"No, no Carl, it's just that I got an invitation too. And I can't help but think the entire gang did so as well."
--
Across the street, Cindy and Libby looked at their invitations. "This has Neutron's stink all over it!" Cindy said.
"Are you sure that's not the Junkman's stink?" Libby asked and they both smiled at that.
"So what do you think Cin?"
"I dunno. I don't know if I trust the Junkman and Beautiful Gorgeous. You remember what happened last time we were with them, the Junkman almost dropped a boulder on us. Still ..." Cindy looked out the window at Jimmy's house.
Libby seemed to read her mind. "But if Jimmy's going, it's a chance to see your Hunkmuffin in his tuxedo again."
Cindy blushed. "I never called him a Hunkmuffin!"
"Oh you did so! And your eyes became little hearts!"
"That's physically impossible!" Cindy declared. Her telephone rang and she picked it up. "Hello?"
"Hi Cindy, it's me Jimmy," came the voice over the line.
"Oh! Hi Jimmy."
"I was – er – wondering … well, I have a question to ask you. Um, er … how do I put it?"
"Spit it out Neutron!"
"Would you like to come with me to Beautiful Gorgeous and the Junkman's wedding?" Jimmy said very fast.
Cindy's eyes became little hearts. Libby whipped out her cell phone and took a picture. "Oh!"Cindy blushed. "Sure. I'd – um – be delighted!"
There was a long pause then Jimmy said, "Well, that's great Cindy! If you don't mind, I have the only Intergalactic ships in town, so I'm giving a ride to Sheen and Carl. But once we get there I'm all yours." Jimmy gasped and Cindy could tell he was blushing too. "Wait! I didn't mean to say that! What I meant was, after we get there, I'm your date. Oh, that didn't sound much better."
"That's okay, Neutron, I know what you meant," Cindy said.
"Well, then. The wedding is on Friday. It'll take at least six hours to get to the Sentalli Star Cluster at Warp Nine, so let's meet at 9:00 in the morning on Friday in front of the lab, okay?"
"That sounds great, Jimmy," Cindy said.
"Bye!"
"Bye!" Cindy hung up,and then turned to Libby in horror. "Libby! What am I going to do? I don't have a thing to wear!"
--
Sheen did Jimmy one better and showed up at Libby's house the next morning, already in his tuxedo, rented from Spinelli's Tuxedo Emporium.
"Sheen!" Libby gasped as she opened the door. "You look … you look … very nice." Libby had more self-control than Cindy though, and kept her eyes from becoming little hearts.
"Libby," Sheen said, "Would you do me the honor of coming to Beautiful Gorgeous and the Junkman's wedding on Friday?"
Libby nodded. "Sure Sheen, I'd love to. It'll be nice to be a guest at a wedding, and not playing the piano."
--
And so Friday morning rolled around and everyone met in Jimmy's backyard. Jimmy, Sheen, and Carl were all in tuxedos. Goddard was wearing a tuxedo too. Cindy was wearing a dazzling green gown, to match her eyes, with golden lace at the neck, arms, and hem, to match her hair, which was put up. Libby wore a blue gown, which didn't match anything, but had a daringly low back for a twelve-year-old.
"Cindy, you look … look … very nice," Jimmy stuttered.
"Thanks Neutron," Cindy blushed.
"And Libby, you look like a total babe," Sheen said. "But then again, you always do."
Libby laughed. "Thanks Sheen!"
"Cindy, I did some research on weddings in my lab, and I think this is traditional." Jimmy reached into his jacket and pulled out a corsage.
"Why Jimmy, you romantic fool!" Cindy beamed. Jimmy put the corsage on Cindy's arm.
"And I had Jimmy make you a corsage, Libby," Sheen said and held out a strange but beautiful white flower. "It's the Royal Roentgen Rose as seen in Ultralord episode number 563, the Courtship of Ultralady. It's not radioactive like the real one though."
"That's sweet Sheen," Libby said, "In a geeky kind of way."
The Astrocar sat nearby and the gang climbed inside. The car lifted off the ground and shot into the sky. Once it was in low earth orbit, it disappeared into warp space.
Along the way Cindy asked "Jimmy, how do we know this isn't a trap?"
"Well I did give that some thought, Cindy," Jimmy said. "But we have Goddard with us. And some other surprises."
"Surprises?"
Jimmy nodded. "That's not an ordinary corsage you and Libby are wearing. It has built in communications systems, auto-shields, and emergency teleport systems that will whiz us to the Astrocar in a worst case scenario."
"Why Jimmy, you romantic fool!" Cindy said with a grin. "Nothing says love like an emergency teleport system."
"Love?" Jimmy gasped. "Who said anything about love?"
Cindy just smiled.
--
Several hours later the gang was walking through the banquet hall on Antamin Five, in the Sentalli Star Cluster. The hall was a large room with golden columns supporting a silver roof. Nearby flower arrangements hummed a merry tune. Holographic windows showed an idyllic scene of a forest, for outside was a large city.
"Wow," Sheen said, "I had no idea the Junkman and Beautiful Gorgeous were so well off!"
"Doesn't the bride's family pay for the wedding?" Cindy asked.
"Yes, that's what my research showed," Jimmy answered. "I wonder wear Professor Calamitous got the money?"
"Where do you think, Neutron," Professor Calamitous asked, "I stole it. I am a villain after all."
"Professor Calamitous!" Jimmy cried. "What's your evil plan this time? I'm prepared for anything you can dish out."
"Hm, tempting though that is Neutron, I've got more important things to consider today. Like my daughter's happiness." Professor Calamitous said.
Jimmy considered that. "I thought you didn't approve!"
"Well, the Junkman is smelly, ugly, disgusting, and grandchildren are right out of the question, at least not without some heavy genetic manipulation and I won't even go there." Professor Calamitous sighed. "But Georgia hasn't been this happy since she made it to the FBI's Most Wanted List."
"And isn't our children's happiness the most important thing?" a woman said, strolling up to them. She was a tall older woman, wearing a yellow dress, with long white hair. "Isn't that right, Snugglebuns?"
"But of course, Apple of My Eye," Professor Calamitous said. "Jimmy, meet my wife, Lovely."
The gang gaped. Lovely Calamitous was twice Professor Calamitous' height, and though she was an older woman, she still had a great beauty and grace about her. "Jimmy Neutron," she said, shaking his hand. "I've heard so much about you. You've cause no end of trouble for my husband."
"Well he is one of my arch enemies," Jimmy said. "From trying to steal Goddard to trying to destroy the world with his Big Bang Bomb."
"But no being enemies today," Professor Calamitous said. "Today is a day for … a day for … er …"
"Love?" Cindy offered.
"Friendship?" Carl asked.
"Disguising your latest diabolical scheme as a wedding!" Jimmy said.
Professor Calamitous and his wife laughed. "No, Jimmy, honestly, this is just a wedding."
"What did a beauty like that see in Calamitous?" Sheen whispered to Jimmy.
"We may be old, Sheen, but our hearing is not as bad as that," Lovely Calamitous said. "Love works in mysterious ways, does it not? Why would a beautiful, popular, music-loving girl like Libby fall for a hyperactive, nerdy guy like you Sheen?"
"Uh, because I'm such a Studmuffin?" Sheen said, looking hopefully at Libby. She rolled her eyes.
"See!" Calamitous said. "It can't be explained by science. It can't be explained at all!"
Jimmy was starting to feel a bit guilty about the Love Potion. "Uh, Professor Calamitous, about Love and all that. It may not be explained with a theorem or a formula, but it can be – er – synthesized."
"A love potion Neutron?" Calamitous asked. "Yes, I know. I am a genius after all. And I was there on Mars when you blasted Georgia and the Junkman. But I did create a cure and surprisingly enough Georgia seems happy with the Junkman."
"Perhaps it is because he found her a dream job," Lovely Calamitous said. "Putting those little plastic tips on the ends of shoelaces for the Galactic Shoe Corporation."
"Well anyway, Neutron, we have many guests to meet so I must bid you farewell. But we'll meet again, mark my words."
"Uh excuse me, Mrs. Professor Calamitous," Carl said timidly, raising his hand. "I was just wondering, are you evil?"
Lovely Calamitous grinned, and then laughed diabolically. "But of course I am, Carl. What do you think first attracted me to my husband in the first place?" She waved to the gang. "But for now, toodle-loo."
The gang continued into the hall.
"What do you think Jimmy?" Libby asked.
"It certainly is strange," Jimmy said. "Goddard, scan the Professor's conversation with your lie detector!"
Goddard lifted up his head and his panel lit up. "No, Jimmy, honestly, this is just a wedding," came Professor Calamitous' voice. "TRUTH!" flashed on the screen after a moment.
The gang looked at the screen. "Keep on your toes all the same, guys."
An usher led them to their seats.
"Well, Hello again Deary," said Grandma Taters, who was sitting next to them with seven other Grandma Taters.
"More evil people!" Carl cried.
"Yes, yes," Grandma Taters agreed. "Don't you just love weddings? They make me so happy I could cry."
Soon the hall was full. "Look, Jimmy, there are some Brains sitting over there," Cindy said, pointing into a corner.
"And there are some Needleheads!" Carl said.
"Thank goodness they're too far away to hear!" Sheen said.
"And there's the Junkman," Libby said. "Boy, does he look weird."
The Junkman stood at the front of the hall, in front of a large ornate altar that would have been beautiful on earth if it weren't purple. No accounting for alien tastes. The Junkman himself was wearing a blue four-armed tuxedo. Roxy stood by his side. She caught Goddard's eye and winked. Goddard's hung tongue hung out but he refrained from barking.
"That must be his parents standing next to him!" Jimmy said. Next to him were two similar-looking Junkmen, but one with six arms, and the other with four arms but four legs as well. "I wonder which is his mother and which is his father?"
A large creature that looked like a ten foot wide eye with blond hair, eight tentacles, and a green bow tie emerged from the back and stood, or rather floated, behind the altar. Music began to play. It sounded like the traditional wedding march, but played on parakeets. The crowd turned, and there was Beautiful Gorgeous, with Professor Calamitous, walking up the aisle. She was wearing a white gown with a long train held up by four Yolkians.
"Ah me," all the Grandma Taters said in unison, "Isn't she beautiful and gorgeous!" They each took out a handkerchief and dabbed their eyes, then honked their noses. Carl took out his handkerchief and honked his nose too.
Beautiful Gorgeous and Professor Calamitous reached the altar.
"Dearly beloved," the eyeball said, though it did not appear to have a mouth. "We are gathered here to unite this human from planet earth with this garbagian from planet Refuse Nine in holy matrimony. Do you, Georgia Beautiful Gorgeous, take the Junkman to be your husband, to love him in boom times and recession, to honor him on smelly days and days when there's a good breeze, in sickness and in health, for now and until death or collapse of the universe?"
Beautiful Gorgeous beamed at the Junkman. "I do," she said.
"Do you, The Junkman, take Georgia Beautiful Gorgeous to be your wife, to love her in the winter, the fall, the spring, the summer when it's all humid outside, and on planets that have only one season, or ten seasons, in sickness and in health, for now and until death or implosion of the galaxy?"
"I do," the Junkman said.
"Professor Calamitous, does your daughter have permission to marry this Junkman?" the eye asked.
"She does," Calamitous answered.
"Junkdad, does your son have permission to marry this Beautiful Gorgeous?" the eye asked.
"He does," the Junkdad answered.
"Let us now exchange rings," the eye said. From each side of the room came two small robots. Suspended above their heads in a shimmering force field were golden wedding bands. The Junkman took one and slipped it onto Beautiful Gorgeous' finger. Beautiful took two rings and slipped one onto the Junkman's first left hand, then took the second ring and slipped it onto the Junkman's second left hand.
"Now, by the power invested in me by the Galactic Wedding Corporation, the Galactic Church of the AllGod, the Galactic Legal Services, and the Galactic Central Government, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss each other."
The Junkman swept Beautiful Gorgeous off her feet and they kissed. Jimmy and the gang stuck out their tongues in unison – it was still gross to see.
"Wait wait!" a voice cried. "What happened to the 'If anyone objects to this union let them speak up now of forever hold their peace?' part?"
Jimmy looked and was startled to see Jet Fusion on the other side of the hall.
"That's earth procedure," the eye said, "Not Galactic procedure."
"Beautiful!" Jet cried. "Don't go through with it! I love you baby! I traveled halfway across the galaxy just to see you!" The ushers were advancing menacingly on Jet Fusion, but it didn't matter; Beautiful Gorgeous and the Junkman only had eyes for each other.
The gang thought that was all there was to the wedding, but then the eye said "The happy couple invites you to share in their happiness at the reception." The hall transformed around them and the gang found themselves sitting at a table rather than a pew, in a huge decorated dance hall, with all the guests seated around them.
"Hey, that was pretty cool!" Sheen said.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen," said a small furry creature with four red eyes, big black ears, a long curled tail, and a towel hung across it's arm. "My name is Schnord and I will be tending to you this evening. We have a food buffet on the west wall, where some of the specialties are banana cream pie and Plutonian gut chunks."
Carl sprang to his feet but Jimmy held him in place. "Just a minute Carl, Schnord isn't done yet."
Schnord smiled and continued "We have an open bar on the south wall, where some of the specialties are Romulan ale and zoogol juice. And an atmospheric bar on the east wall, where some of the specialties are nitrogen and helium. If you don't see anything you desire you need but ask, we live to serve."
"Can you find a nitrogen bar and a caffe latte?" Sheen asked.
"Those are available at the bars, sir," Schnord said.
"Awesome!" Sheen exclaimed.
Soon they all had their food and drinks. Carl helped himself to a big plate of Plutonian gut chunks but couldn't get the others to try them. At a large lizard's suggestion he also tried Ambersondian Weevil Brains and Plak, a strange pasta grown in the Andromeda Galaxy on great pasta plantations.
"Wow, these nitrogen bars are first rate!" Sheen declared.
Robots brought out a large wedding cake and the Junkman and Gorgeous proceeded to cut it with a laserknife, hand-in-hand. Gorgeous took the first piece and fed some to the Junkman, then smacked him upside the head with it.
"Boy, aliens have weird customs," Sheen said.
"Actually that's an earth custom, Sheen," Jimmy said.
The Junkman took a piece and dabbed it on Beautiful's nose. They both laughed and then waiters who looked like Schnord helped cleaned them up. The Junkman and Beautiful then began to serve the guests cake. Soon they approached Jimmy's table.
"Jimmy Neutron!" Beautiful said with a smile. "I'm so glad you did come. I thought you would be too suspicious but I really wanted you here. You're the reason we fell in love, isn't that right my little apple dumpling?" Beautiful caressed the Junkman's cheek.
"I don't know what an apple dumpling is," the Junkman responded, "But it certainly is true, my little Opilquitz Hen Teaser!" He kissed Beautiful on the nose.
The gang all looked at each other.
"Here, have some cake," Beautiful said.
"Don't mind if I do!" Carl said, taking a piece. "Oh, Beautiful, the Plutonian gut chunks are first rate."
"We knew you liked those Carl," Beautiful explained. "The Junkman was in the audience, remember?"
Carl shook his head. "No, I'm sorry but I don't. I was a little worried about the earth being blown up."
Roxy came up to the Junkman's feet and Goddard hung out his tongue. "Yes, Roxy, look who's here! It's your favorite lamp!"
Roxy barked and Goddard said "Oh Baby!"
"You gave Goddard the weirdest voices, Jim" Carl noted.
"Roxy, the music has been playing awhile now, but no one has started dancing yet. Why don't you and Goddard get the party started?"
Goddard and Roxy hurried onto the dance floor.
"Aw, that's sweet," Carl said.
"Yet vaguely disturbing," Sheen added.
"Well, we must be off," Beautiful said. "It's tradition for the bride and groom to serve all the guests cake."
"I don't know what to say, Beautiful," Jimmy said. "We were so suspicious that none of us brought a wedding present."
"Oh don't worry about that, Jimmy," Beautiful said. "That's an earth custom!"
"Besides, here in the Galactic Core you mail the bride and groom presents after checking their gift registry on the Galactic Internet!" the Junkman added. The two of them moved to the next table.
The gang finished their cake then looked at the aliens dancing about the floor. There were little insect like creatures scuttling about on six legs in the corner. There were some Brains, apparently standing still but quite possibly performing elaborate dances in each other's minds. There were some Needleheads jumping up and down. There were some creatures that looked like Winnie the Pooh, but blue with Mohawks, dancing Disco. Several robots clustered in another corner, doing the Robot.
"Hey, Libby, wanna dance?" Sheen asked.
"I don't know the song, but I like it," Libby said. "Sure, let's dance."
Jimmy and Cindy looked at each other. "Cindy," Jimmy began "Would you, er, that is, do you think? I mean, do you wanna?"
"Oh, Neutron, let's just dance!" Cindy said, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him onto the dance floor.
Carl watched them dance a spell then sighed. "I wish I had someone to dance with." At that moment he felt a tapping on his shoulder.
"Hey, good looking," came a voice, "Do you wanna get jiggy with me?"
Carl turned to see what appeared to be a llama wearing glasses and an outfit made of aluminum foil. Unlike earth llamas, this llama stood on two feet and wore shoes too.
"Holy Shmoly, are you a talking llama? I haven't died but I've gone to heaven! I've dreamed about talking llamas all my life!"
"A llama?" the creature asked. "No, I don't know what a llama is. I am an Olinia, of the planet Zars. A business associate of the Junkman's. My name is Pat."
Carl jumped from his seat, then hesitated. "Um, I don't know how to ask this, so I'll just say it. Are you a boy or a girl?"
Pat looked at Carl. "I've studied some boys and girls at school, but I am neither. I am a dwon."
"A what?"
"A dwon. There is no way to explain what it is in earth language."
"How do you know I'm an earthling?"
Pat looked at its feet. "I saw you on Intergalactic Showdown. You really were amazing."
Carl blushed and smiled. He had no idea if a dwon was a girl or a boy or something totally different. He thought Jimmy might now, but by the looks of things Jimmy was busy dancing. "Sure, Pat, let's dance," Carl said.
On the dance floor a slow song had come on and Cindy and Jimmy danced slowly around the room.
"This is kinda nice, Neutron," Cindy said. "If a bit weird, with all these aliens about."
"It is weird," Jimmy agreed. "And no one has tried to kill us even."
"What kind of adventure is it if no one tries to kill us?" Sheen asked, dancing by with Libby.
"Oh, I can try to kill you if it makes you feel better, deary" said Grandma Taters, waltzing nearby with what might be Grandpa Taters. "And your little dog too."
"No, Grandma Taters," Jimmy said. "We'll take a pass on that this once and just enjoy the evening."
And they did.
The End
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Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it. And comments and reviews welcome.