Time collapses into a current of disregarded space that merely puts a gap between one moment and the next. Broken and drifting into a stretch that forms a life that seems like a faraway dream with no matter of importance. Days drift away like the petals of a rose, slowing withering and falling to reveal a cold vulnerable bud that life had once birthed and flowered from.

His soul burns for what compassion he lost and tender touch he once felt so fondly, but his heart is cold, tired, and confused. The loving eyes that had captivated him in a deep affectionate gaze are gone, gone not in death, but in loyalty and in all regard of what once was. His mind refused to believe what he heard. Rumors and conjecture, but he found they had rang true. Even in all his stubborn pride and arrogant refusal, he could barely contain his rage and being brought under the brutal subjugation of deep pain.

Words are merely sounds that offer no comfort or council. And his lonely self-counsel on quiet rides in the countryside had done him little good and perhaps more harm. The betrayal, the loss, the sheer weight of the collapse of a relationship that had once been so strong is almost too much to foster.

It had been too much to loose, too much for time to erase even if an eternity were to pass.

Memories are the light in his darkness, overwhelming him with joy and sadness, pain and passion. They come in the form of thoughts and dreams, though he will merely call them nightmares now for the man in them is a cold and distance figure of betrayal. But it confuses him too no end that a man such as the one he had shared such strong feels of affection for would have the cold brutality to pound a stake into his heart.

Everything in his memories of the man are caring, kind, and even gentle. It angers, pains, and saddens him. His heart is stuck in the vulnerable position of hopeless confusion. He wants to hate the betrayer, but he had held such feelings for him that it is hard to feel such a sudden opposite of emotion. But he is a man driven by burning passion and fierce determination. If he wants something truly bad enough, he will eventually obtain it. So to forget the man, to pull out the stake and stitch his bleeding heart, he would-and will-not spend a moment letting himself think that it wasn't a betrayal, that it wasn't a misunderstanding, that he had never loved the man, but was merely toying with him in a cruel game (even though that is a terrible lie). Even if he has to pretend sometimes, he assures himself he utterly revolts the man that tore his heart out and joined the very forces that nearly destroyed his whole family.

But deep within, he knows he cannot continue on this broken path of anguish, and yet it is only too easy to become overwhelmed by the forever hunger of pitiless emotions...

Chapter 1

The stiff leather of his reins is rough in his left hand. He shifts in his saddle, a place that has felt natural to him since he was only a young boy. His right hand pats his horse's neck, the muscles feel tense in anticipation. The smooth coat soothes the frays of overwrought that he shares with the animal. They both know what is to come. He has ridden this horse for 9 years exactly. The last stallion his father had ridden had fathered the colt and little could mean more, knowing that this handsome animal keeps him that much closer to his beloved father.

A deep breathe breaks his lips. He almost believes he can taste the coppery tang of the blood that has been spilt. Here, less then a quarter mile from the skirmish, he can hear the clang of steel and the baleful screams of suffering. Thick anticipation curls in his stomach as he closes his eyes and is spurred by the sounds of the nearby battlefield. He can imagine himself in the skirmish... the rich smell of blood filling the air thickly and the perilous danger that threatens him openly. He has felt like this many times before, starting ever since reaching the age of 16, when he was dubbed old enough to help protect Xiliang from any invaders.

He has been where some veterans have called 'twilight' because of its resemblance of the last fleeting moments of light and the fall of darkness. Light or day is always life, while darkness or night is always death. It is never called dawn, but only twilight for, even though there will be survivors, many will fall into darkness and death is always the bringer of darkness not light. War is darkness, seamless and devouring. And when twilight has passed that darkness will blanket all in the shadows, the many deaths and lives stolen forever. But dawn will eventually and always with light. Dawn is the commemoration of twilight. It is the fleeting moments before light overtakes the darkness, just as in twilight it is darkness that overtakes light.

His father had been one of the veterans who had believed battle was like twilight. He had been the veteran that had told him what it was... what it could do.

Ma Chao knows change. He can feel it in the bones of his fingers when he clenches his spear and charges into the fray. He has changed. Battle changes him. Betrayal changes him. He doesn't notice by himself, but his cousin, Ma Dai, will often look at him in an odd way and exclaim how much he's changed.

"They've given the signal." Ma Chao glances at his Lieutenant as the man spurs his horse to his right side. He nods in acknowledgement, meeting the seasoned man's eyes. "Give the men orders to prepare for the charge. It's finally time," he replies, breaking his gaze away to the tree line ahead of them.

...

'Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.'

I have wanted to write something for Ma Chao and Pang De for a long time. Originally I wanted something along the lines of a happy romance, but this evolved instead thanks to my playlist. And so I'll warn you that this is a story written with a heavy heart.

The song I found to resemble this chapter the best was 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.

Thanks for reading! Na lû e-govaned vîn~