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Everyone always says that if you look into someone's eyes, you can read them like a story book. And once in a while, I looked into Axel's when I was feeling particularly careless. When it didn't matter that I was that close to somebody that I could count their eyelashes and breathe in and out with them. His eyes were so green, more than I noticed from afar. Vibrant and solid, more intense than envy. It was in those eyes that I saw so many cinderella stories, but something told me that it was some big empty lie. Nothing can tell you everything.
"You supposedly read people like books when they aren't made of words." I ended it with a period, dot, the end. Like Axel didn't really have to answer if he was too busy. If he didn't care, he could just take it as another moment when I was saying things I just wanted him to listen to.
"People are words. It's all that they can call their own." He would know these things. I always saw him get the right answers, reading everyone else and knowing just what to say. Axel sat up crookedly. "People are just a bunch of things smushed together with only words to say what they're feeling. They can feel it, but they just can't say anything. You have to look behind their eyes. To their hearts." He brushed a stray hair out of his eyes.
"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked, not really caring if he answered or not.
"Because, Roxas. What I'm telling you is just words, syllables, letters. Just putting things together." He got up and paced around the room reflectively. Not nervously, never nervously. "People only know how to speak in words, and that means that they think in words too. But they don't feel in words, they have actual feelings. Some things they just can't say, the words aren't there to tell anyone."
I leaned against the wall. "Well Axel, you say that you can read what we feel. But we don't have feelings."
"There is no we. We're not people. Our way of feeling is words. It's how we feel, not just how we think. It's all we have." He suddenly stopped pacing and put his back to the wall, slowly sliding down until it was all but collapsed against it.
I could've taken it like a whole new low, but instead I watched Axel close his eyes. I knelt down next to him, and my face was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. He opened his eyes again, and I looked into them. I saw so many Cinderella stories, but none of them were true. I could count his eyelashes before I leaned in to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer into a sort of embrace. Somehow my eyes closed, and I slipped my tongue into his mouth as he ran a gloved hand through my hair.
I opened my eyes again and thought. Hard. "I love him. I love him and that's all there is." I told myself. Nobodies don't have real feelings. They feel in words. I could make it true.
But the truth was, there weren't words that I could tell myself. Something to feel, but I was incapable of telling myself how. There was nothing.
And nothing can tell you everything.
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disclaimer
Yes... again I take it down a different path. I just hope this makes sense. x-x
For Flying Dhole, because you are all kinds of awesome. Thanks for all the reviews... 3
Review if you feel so inclined.