I've found over the years that there are two distinct parts of me, and both of those parts have a vehement hate for each other.
On the one hand, I'm a cop. A captain, to be exact, and I'm proud of it. My detectives hate to cross me, IAB has it out for me, and I reside over a unit that is the very edge of elite, and won't settle for anything else.
On the other hand, I'm a man. A man who misses his wife and has little family, with no children. My detectives have become my children, and I realize that my unit functions like a family, when it should, diplomatically, function more like a machine.
As a man, I love this dynamic, but as a cop, I know it's inappropriate. But usually, I can shove those feelings back down, because I know I run one of the most effective departments in the NYPD. Usually, but recently, I'm realizing that I might have let it go too far.
Benson and Stabler are my best detectives. Olivia—Benson, she's as smart as they come. Compassionate, funny—beautiful. On good days, I see her like a daughter. On days when I force myself to think like a cop, I know that she's got her shortcomings. Usually, that doesn't matter. I'll usually cover her ass, no matter what she does. Elliot, he's intense, harsher than she is. He forwards a cynical view on most of our perps, and can scare the living shit out of them in interrogation. And he protects Olivia like she's his own. His own what, I'm not exactly sure, but his own something. And she does the same.
They've always been my best asset, the two of them as a team. They've morphed into a Stenson, or a Bebler, whichever you prefer. Finishing each others sentences, filling in each others theories, fighting with the passion that all great partners have. They have the very model of a great relationship, but my cop side knows they are becoming a problem. Because, quite frankly, their relationship is too great.
There is a very thin line partners have to walk. They have to be close enough to care about each other, watch each others backs, but far enough so that they don't always put each other first. It's hard to find someone you connect with in precisely that way, but they walked that line famously, brilliantly, for about six and a half years.
But recently, they've begun to unravel. Or, to be honest, they've begun to ravel too close together. They think nothing of lying to protect each other anymore, nothing of saving each other at all costs. They still have that intense care for the victims, but I've recently begun noticing that they care about each other more. As a man, I think that's great. As a cop, it's the worst, the very worst, problem you can have.
I sent them to Hendrix because I've begun forcing myself to consider separating them. As Captain Cragen, I know this is a good move, but as Don, I hate myself for doing this. Part of me sees them as my children after all, and that part of me is appalled that I would even consider hurting them like this. They need each other. I know they need each other, but I can't think that way. If you wanna be emotional, be a doctor, a day care provider, a hair dresser. They can care about each other. But as a cop, you've got a bigger responsibility to a larger clientele—the city of New York. And New York wants to be protected. They don't want to hear that their cops care about each other too much to do it.
"In my opinion, Detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance, emotional dependency that compromises their effectiveness as Police officers."
It's exactly what I think. But I need her to tell me, actually tell me, to do this before I can. "In plainer terms?"
"They're too close."
I'm afraid to ask the next question, but I know I have to. "You think I should split them up?"
She leans up, and looks at me. I promise myself that if she says yes, I'll do it. I have to do it. I have to remember what I am in this world. Don has no place here. I wish that was different, but it isn't.
"If you want to lose your two best detectives."
That's the main problem, I think. If I keep them together, they'll solve cases like they always do, because they're so in sync, but they'll always choose each other first. If I separate them, that problem goes away, but I know that they'll both lose a bit of the spark they generate by working together. As Don, I don't want to lose them, but as Captain Cragen, I know better.
And I know that if I don't do something, I've lost them already.