Disclaimer: This is more a quick funny thing than a real story - based on a post I made on tumblr but consider my own headcanon. I was so mad at this week's episode that I wrote this today. Also: No beta, because one shot. My English is still not really good.
Mrs. Frederic and talking Myka into kids while having tea... Excuse my while I vomit.
Claudia sat on the couch next to the coffee table, nervously eyeing Mrs. Frederic. Who smiled - Smiled! The redhead noted. Since when does Mrs. F. give me such a bright grin? - at her over the rim of her teacup. Claudia had the feeling that something was off. However, she couldn't put her finger on it, and after all, she was still busy with figuring out how to get Claire out of that artifact induced coma. So it was hard to pay mind to the caretaker as well.
"How's your tea?" Irene asked in a friendly tone of voice, taking a sip from her cup. She continued smiling, which made Claudia more than just a little bit suspicious.
"I haven't tried, yet." The younger woman gave back, glancing briefly at her cup on the table. "I'm still more a coffee person, Mrs. Frederic." Claudia blinked, once, twice. "Mrs. Frederic." She scrunched her nose while looking carefully at the caretaker. "I'm a little bit confused. Why exactly did you say you were here?"
Slowly, Mrs. F. placed her teacup on the coffee table, right next to the teapot. "I wanted to encourage you rescuing your sister, Claudia. Since the artifact which has affected her was destroyed, we must find a way to get-"
"Wait, Mrs. F." Claudia held up her hands, shifting on the couch to get a better view on the caretaker. "Claire is in that coma for years now. And suddenly, you decide I should do something to get her out of that? How did you come to that change of the heart?" Quickly, Claudia reached for her own teacup to keep herself busy while listening to the older woman. She slowly put it to her lips.
"All I'm saying, Claudia," Irene responded, the smirk on her face only brightening, "is that we could wake her up and you try different artifacts on her-"
"What?" The redhead simply gaped at the caretaker, lowering the teacup away from her lips. "Mrs. F! Are you out of your mind?! This would bring us all in danger. It could hurt Claire. We don't know-"
Claudia heard how the front door of the B&B opened and closed. She rolled her eyes, recognising Myka's and Petes voices. And of course they were arguing. Annoyed, the redhead placed her teacup on the coffee table again, as she watched the two Warehouse agents enter the living room. Pete was gesturing a lot with his hands while talking. Myka only scuffed behind him, gaze pinned to the ground, frowning in obvious annoyance.
"All I'm saying, Mykes," Pete just clarified, "is that it could be a big opportunity for us!"
The curly-haired woman just looked at him like she was in pain, but didn't say anything. To Claudia, it looked like Myka was trying to let him talk while hoping he would stop on his own. Something was peculiar about that.
Claudia quickly glanced at Mrs. Frederic, hoping to get anything from the caretaker: an annoyed wish that the agents might stop bantering, a perfectly raised eyebrow combined with the caretaker(TM) deathglare, something. Something that would show the girl that Irene Frederic was in fact okay and that the last five minutes did so not happen.
But well, the caretaker just grinned happily at the agents, looking rather dumb, and didn't say anything. Claudia was two seconds away from touching her to make sure she was actually there and not a really bad hologram copy or anything like that. Paracelsus was bronzed again, right? He couldn't be… like… running around in disguise, pretending to be Mrs. F?
Pete was still talking - and annyoing Claudia with that. She couldn't think properly when he was babbling. So the redhead drew a deep sigh, glaring at her friend with that one upraised eyebrow she had hoped to see on her mentor. "What are you guys even talking about?"
Myka stared at Claudia, eyes empty, looking like just now had noticed that the redhead and Mrs. Frederic were actually in the room.
Pete straightened his shoulder, looking proud. Claudia was more than sure he was about to make an announcement. "Myka and I are considering having platonic children!"
Claudia blinked. Once. Twice. Three times… It didn't help. So she decided to actually ask: "What?"
Myka lowered her gaze to the ground, pursing her lips. "I didn't say that." She murmured quietly. The redhead actually struggled hard to understand her.
Looking at the curly-haired woman, Claudia shook her head in desperation and surprise. "What are you two considering? What is going on? Children? Myka, what?"
Pete nodded eagerly.
"Whose idea was that?" The girl demanded to know, horrified.
"Mrs. Frederic did bring up the subject when we had tea this morning." Myka explained, crossing her arms in front of her chest and resting her shoulder against the door frame.
Claudia looked at the caretaker with her eyes widened. "You did what?"
Irene was smiling brightly. "I think it's a wonderful idea. Every woman wants to have-"
"Oh no, don't even say that." Her student jumped up from the couch, trying to get in the way between Myka and Mrs. F. "I can't guarantee you'd survive that if you say something like that in front of Myka Bering." She turned around to Myka, who was still leaning in the door frame, saying nothing. Claudia blinked. "You're not mad?"
"What?" Myka asked, looking up at Claudia as though she hadn't listened.
"Is everybody in this room insane?" The redhead ranted, raising her arms. She spun around on her heels, glaring at Mrs. Frederic. "You just tried to talk me into waking my sister who is under the influence of an artifact and can't control her powers to test random artifacts on her." Claudia turned to Pete, slightly out of breath. "Pete, are you seriously trying to get your best friend - who clearly stated she doesn't want to have children - into getting children with you? You wouldn't do that! You're usually respecting Myka's wishes and plans." Eventually, Claudia turned to Myka. "And you are allowing him to do that? No angry rants? Just deep and melancholic sighs? What the hell is wrong with you people?"
Claudia flung herself into the armchair next to the couch on which Mrs. Frederic was sitting. The caretaker took another sip from her tea. She was silent. So were Pete and Myka.
"I think that's a wonderful idea." Mrs. Frederic stated with a smug smile on her face. "Claudia. Have you considered getting children? A woman is allowed to resort her priorities."
The redhead frowned at her immediately. "What?"
She stared at the older woman like she was insane. "What did you just ask? It's not only the fact that you just asked me… I'm in my early twenties, Mrs. F. It's… you always made sure you won't get involved in your agent's personal matters. And now you're sitting there, drinking tea, grinning- Wait." Claudia sat up straight. "Myka, Mrs. Frederic asked you about children when you two had tea this morning?"
Myka simply nodded and shrugged.
Jolting up from the armchair, Claudia reached into her pocket to get out some gloves. "Pete? Did you have tea as well?"
"Abigail bought awesome cookies and I didn't want to look rude by just stealing them from the table but not drinking the tea she made." Pete admitted hestitanly.
"Tea, tea, tea." Claudia repeated, putting on her gloves and picking up the teapot from the table. It had to be the teapot. Her family's behaviour screamed 'Whammy!' So Claudia had to act, even though she really had no mind for that.
"Myka?" She asked, glancing under the teapot. "Can you hand me a neutralisation bag?"
"Sure." The curly-haired woman reached inside her pocket.
"Open it for me!" Claudia approached Myka with the teapot. When Myka held the bag in front of her, the future caretaker dropped the teapot into it.
The bag emitted sparks into the room, blinding the redhead. Claudia cheered while squeezing her eyes shut, hoping that this was over now.
It was silent in the room, too silent for the girl's taste. As she opened her eyes, she found Pete, Myka and Mrs. Frederic glancing at each other with their eyebrows furrowed. They were looking really, really confused, and Claudia was glad about it.
"What happened?" Mrs. Frederic rose from the couch, placing her teacup forcefully on the table.
"How did we get here?" Myka looked at Pete, who shrugged.
Claudia jumped up and down in excitement. "You were all whammied by this frakking teapot!" She exclaimed while holding the bagged artifact up triumphantly.
"I can't remember anything." Pete admitted, receiving a nod from Myka. "Same with me. The last thing I know is that I had tea with Mrs. Frederic. And that we had a conversation."
"I highly doubt I had a tea party with you, Agent Bering." The caretaker looked at her agents, each after another, horrifiedly. "In which way did the teapot affect us, Claudia?"
"Well, you all acted completely OOC!" Claudia explained while opening the bag and glancing inside.
She was rewarded with a single raised eyebrow by Irene. The redhead grinned brightly as she noticed it. "Out of caretak- I mean character, Mrs. F! I hope everything is fine, now."
"I wish I could rememb-" Pete started but the redhead interrupted him immediately: "No, Pete. Seriously. Trust me. Some things aren't worth remembering."
In a particular house in Boone, Wisconsin, H.G. Wells glanced around the room, her hands gripping tightly onto the edge of the kitchen counter she was leaning on. She looked at the man next to her, who apparently was setting up coffee. The Victorian blinked in confusion, then she decided to say something. Polite. She had to be polite. The situation definitely demanded it.
"Pardon me? Could you maybe tell me who you are and… where I am?" She asked carefully, forcing a smile to her lips. She was really concerned… no, she was afraid, because she had no idea what was happening. The last thing she remembered was setting up tea in the B&B.
The man looked at her, apparently confused. "What? Emily, what are you talking about?"
Emily? Helena furrowed her eyebrows, dropping her gaze to the ground. She blinked. Once. Twice. Then, she looked up at the man again. "Could I maybe borrow your phone? I think I have an important call to make."