1. Separate But Equal: Winry
After
all that I've been through,
You'd
think I'd hate the sight of you.
The Dresden Dolls - The Jeep Song
It isn't fair that Ed always leaves Winry behind. She could help him if he'd let her go with him. He wouldn't have to come home every time he broke his automail-- dumb clumsy boy, always getting his arm blown off, but never telling her how it happened!
It isn't fair that he refuses to have a normal conversation with her. She does like talking about bolts and pistons and nerves, but she'd also like for him to tell her about his life and the danger and the secrets he holds behind his eyes.
It isn't fair that he thinks she can't handle hearing about the horrors he's gone through. She's the one who holds him down while her grandmother connects his nerves to his automail; she has seen him nearly bleed to death, screaming for his mother, and only hanging on for Al (and she'd like to think, for her as well).
She has only ever seen him at his worst. She wishes he'd come home healthy, for the sole purpose of visiting Grandmother and her.
She wishes he were whole, so he could go swimming with her again.
Their lives were not supposed to be this way. It isn't fair.
2. For You: Shou Tucker
I
only know what I've been working for
Another
you so I could love you more.
I
really thought that I could take you there
But
my experiment is not getting us anywhere.
The Cardigans - My Favourite Game
I did it only for you. I couldn't give you a better life unless I passed that assessment. It's not my fault everything went wrong!
That's why I have to make another you. I need you to be alive again, so you can smile at me and tell me you don't hate me.
Of course you won't hate me. I won't program you to be hateful. You'll be the perfect little girl, all virtue and no vice.
You'll always obey me, so I'll never have to punish you. I can spoil you with dolls and candy and crayons, yet you'll never become greedy. I'll tell you stories about your life-- only the stories you need to remember. I won't tell you about Mama, because you always cried when you thought about her, and I don't want you to cry ever again. I'll marry a nice woman, and you'll remember her as your mother. I'll make you believe you've had a perfect life, full of sun and toys and games with Papa.
I'll even buy you another dog. I'll put up with the hair and the slobber and the barking, because it will make you happy.
I'll do anything you want me to do, if only you'll be happy. Then you'll forgive me, won't you?
3. Paying Debts: Edward
I
am heavy debt, no way you can pay me.
I am the pain, and I know you
can't take me.
The Game - Motorhead
This had to be one of his nightmares, where his legs were gripped by unseen hands and he couldn't run and the monster would be about to crunch him into little pieces of blood and bone-- and then he'd wake up. But this is different, it's hurting me, this isn't right, oh please wake UP! Mommy, help!
There's blood everywhere and his arm hurts terribly and Al is screaming and if he doesn't get his wits about him and help his little brother right now, Al is going to die--
When he wakes up, Auntie and Winry and someone in a suit of armor are standing over him. He's sweating-- the nightmares always leave him soaked in sweat. Of course it's a nightmare; something that horrific couldn't possibly have happened for real. He tries to brush his hair out of his eyes, but something's wrong.
His hand isn't there. His arm isn't there. There are only bandages where his arm should be, and there is so much blood--
He feels cold, then hot, and he vomits all over himself and Winry. He tried to apologize, but bile rises again into his throat and she tells him, "Don't talk." She sounds like she wants to cry. Auntie hands her a damp cloth, and she cleans off his belly. He sees blood on the cloth when she finishes.
The person in armor is stroking his forehead. The cold metal feels so good against his skin. "Daddy?" he asks, blinking his eyes to make the blurriness go away. Darkness is creeping along the edges of his vision. He must be really sick, and Daddy has come home to see him, that must be it--
But a sob creaks out of the armor, and it isn't Daddy's voice; it's Al's. Then the memories of the transmutation overwhelm him, and he screams like Den screamed the time his leg got caught in a bear trap.
The trap of memory has snapped shut on his mind. He is caught in a dream from which he can never wake-- a nightmare of a debt that can never be paid in full.