Days of Gray

by Bren Ren

Summary: Post Hundred Days & Shades of Gray

Rating: T for language

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm just fixing a few mistakes…

Part One:

After One Hundred Days

Jack was pacing. Hammond wanted a briefing as soon as Jack could make himself presentable. He'd showered, shaved, and dressed in fifteen minutes and now Hammond was tied up on the phone. The conference room seemed too small for the four bodies in there, even with three of them sitting.

He could feel her eyes on him. Never wavering, and never for a moment lessening in the intensity of her anger. He knew she had every right to be angry, as he had been nothing less than a complete ass to her, but nonetheless, he wished she would lighten up for a minute.

Jack was avoiding eye contact with any of the members of his group. He was still a bit uncomfortable after the awkward scene at their reunion on Edora. He knew he was going to have a very hard time explaining that one, even to himself.

It wasn't that he wasn't glad to see them, glad to be home, because of course he was. But he'd grown accustomed to those people, to that life he got a glimpse of. It was a tempting one… but it wasn't his life. His life was here, on earth, with Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, and all the rest. He knew that deep down, but a part of him had a hard time letting go of that idyllic life he could have easily shared with Laira and the Edorans.

So how to explain that? What could he say to his team mates that wouldn't sound like he'd just given up? He knew it looked like he had, even felt like it at times… but deep down Jack knew he would be rescued eventually. He knew it as surely as he knew his team; they would never leave anyone behind, not forever. Not him.

Jack kept pacing the small room, get ever more anxious to get this briefing over with. Suddenly Walter came in, almost hitting Jack in his bustle.

"General Hammond sends his apologies, but this briefing needs to be rescheduled. He wants you all here at oh-six-hundred. You're dismissed for the remainder of the day."

Jack sighed in relief. He turned to look at his team mates, but they'd already risen and were making hasty exits from the room. Sam was last in line, though, and Jack caught her eye before she could turn away. If looks could kill, Jack knew he'd have disintegrated on the spot.

Sam turned away without a word and left Jack alone in the room. He raked a hand through his short hair, sighing once more before following his team out.

By the time Jack reached the corridor, though, his team had all disappeared. Hell of a way to make your point, he thought. He stalked down the hall and made his way back to the locker room. No point in staying on base tonight…

Sam was infuriated. She didn't even bother to change, just went straight to the lift to the parking garage, determined to put as much space between her and a certain Colonel as possible. She drove home with the radio blasting to the hardest hitting song she could find on the radio.

By the time she got home, she hadn't calmed down in the slightest. She seethed internally as she got changed from her standard BDU's into a more comfortable sweat suit. She grabbed her music player and headphones, donned some sneakers and went out for a jog.

Music blasting in her ear, Sam set a quick and furious pace right from the start. She ran like the devil himself was on her heels. She was so furious with Jack O'Neill. Three months! Three months she worked day and night to save his sorry ass and he couldn't even be bothered to say hello, to look her in the eye… until the last possible moment on base. She had let him have all her anger in one quick glance before she turned and ran from his presence.

One look. After everything they had shared over the last year, all she could spare him was one scowling look. Less than five seconds of unspoken conversation.

I'm angry, how dare you come back like that? How dare you be more concerned about her response than mine? How dare you choose her over me? How could you do that to me? To us? Didn't we mean anything at all to you, or were those just cheap meaningless nothings you whispered in my ear, screamed at the top of your lungs as you exploded inside of me? What was the point of any of it? Why did I risk everything for you?

She ran until she could run no more, then she began plodding her way back home. With every step, the anger seemed to fill her even more, and even though she was thoroughly exhausted, she felt a pent up energy plaguing her mind, not letting her thoughts rest for a moment.

She was just approaching the front steps to her house when she heard the phone ring inside. Somehow she knew it was Jack, and she knew she was not ready to deal with him yet. She debated between letting the machine pick up and answering. Finally, just before the phone stopped ringing, she grabbed it.

"Hello," she barked out.

"Carter… don't hang up." Jack's voice held a soft note of pleading.

"I can't do this right now. Try me back in another hundred days or so." Sam's voice was cold and harsh.

"Sam…"

"Don't you dare. Not now." She didn't want to give him a chance to try and argue or sweet talk, so she hung up on him before he could get another word out.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" she asked the empty room.

Jack hung up the phone, feeling as dejected as ever. He knew he probably deserved it, but that didn't mean he was going to put up with it. If he let her stew on this one for too long they may never get back to where they were before he got stuck on that backwards little planet.

Jack was surprised to find his fondness for the Edorans fading so fast. He'd really enjoyed his time there, in spite of everything. They were good people, and encountering those was something far too rare in his line of work. And Laira… well, what normal, red-blooded man wouldn't be tempted by an attractive woman such as her practically throwing herself at him?

Jack was glad, relieved, and even proud to be able to say he had resisted temptation. If he could just get Sam to listen to him long enough to get that, he was pretty sure he could talk his way round her bent temper. Or so he hoped.

Jack grabbed his black leather jacket and sunglasses and left his house, not even bothering to lock the door behind him. He got into his old faithful green truck and drove out to Sam's house, determined to have it out with her once and for all. He loved her too much to let her keep hurting over this.

Sam's heart leaped into her throat the instant he pounded on the door. She was tempted to ignore him, but she knew he wasn't going anywhere. He pounded again. She sighed in resignation and walked to the door.

She opened it wide enough for him to step inside, which he did without waiting for an invitation. "Hammond may be able to wait for that briefing, but I don't think you are," he said by way of greeting.

Sam frowned. "Fine. Whatever." She shut the door behind him with a resounding thud.

Jack again started pacing. "I was stuck there. No gate. No way home. No way to even contact home."

"So you gave up? We're allies with how many space-traveling races now? You knew we wouldn't leave you behind. You had to know that!" Sam was trying hard to stay calm but wasn't having much success.

"Deep down… yes, I knew. It was only a matter of time before I would be rescued. But with each day that passed that possibility seemed slimmer and slimmer. For all I knew, I had been presumed dead. Which means no rescue..." he broke off at the look on Sam's face, one of serious skepticism.

"You knew we'd find a way to bring you home. Don't you dare try to convince me otherwise," she informed him.

"You're right," he said quietly. "And I owe you an apology. I know I was an ass when you got there… It's not easy to explain. I had grown comfortable there… the Edorans are good people, and I enjoyed the simple life they led."

"And you obviously enjoyed their company," Sam spat out.

"You mean Laira," Jack said softly. "Nothing happened with her, Sam."

"Nothing? You just walked away from me, without even so much as a 'hello', so you could go say… what?" Sam stepped toward him, dangerous emotions filling her eyes. "What did you have to say that was so damned important you couldn't even look me in the eye?"

"Goodbye," he answered simply. "It wasn't that it was more important… it was time to say goodbye. I knew there would be plenty of time… with you… later. But those were the last moments I would spend with her, and even though I could never feel for her a fraction of what I feel for you, I did grow to care about her very deeply. I'm sorry if that hurts you Sam, but it's the truth. You deserve the truth, always."

Sam turned away from him. She was too angry to acknowledge how much she hurt underneath it. Anger was much easier to deal with. "There are times when I could do without the truth. This may well be one of them." She turned back to face him after stepping a safer distance away from him. "Nothing happened. I can't believe you really think that was nothing. What does that say about us? About how you really feel about me?"

"Sam, you know how I feel. That hasn't changed a bit. I doubt it ever will, except maybe to grow stronger." Jack took a small step towards her. "So how long are you going to stay mad?"

Sam barked out a harsh laugh. "I don't know. You really screwed up. I was working my ass off to save yours for three months. I barely slept, hardly ate, and every waking moment was spent fighting to bring you home. And the thanks I get? You walk away from me to the arms of another woman. Gee, thanks, sir."

"Sam… I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am." He took another tentative step towards her, now almost close enough to touch. "Just don't say it's over. Please," he said in the softest voice she'd ever heard.

"I never said anything was over… but I'm sure as hell not ready to forgive and forget just yet either."

"Fair enough, I guess." Jack took one more step towards her, reaching out to touch her face with the gentlest caress. "Just know… I love you, Sam. Only you." He smiled for her, a soft smile that lit up his whole face. "Always you."

Sam closed her eyes and let her anger deflate, if only for a moment. She savored the warmth of his hand on her skin. "I know," she answered simply. She let him touch her for a moment longer before she stepped away and put some distance between them once again. "Three months I busted my ass to save you… I'm angry and I'm hurt. It's going to take some time… before I can… let go of this. I'm sorry, but one little conversation and a touch of your hand are not going to make this go away."

Jack closed his eyes and raked a hand across his face. "Yeah, I know. But it's a start, right?"

"It's a start," she agreed, letting a small smile play at the corners of her mouth for the briefest moment. As soon as Jack saw it, he knew they were on their way back.

Part Two

Black and White

Sam walked into her lab, closing the door behind her. She sat down at her desk, determined to get some work done and forget the events of the last few weeks, if only for a little while.

Then came the tap at the door. Looks like a little while is going to have to wait, she thought. Jack poked his head in the door, then a hand waving a white handkerchief. Sam frowned, but nodded her head. Jack entered the room quietly, closing the door behind him.

"How long, sir?" Sam wanted to get this over with quickly so she could get back to distracting herself.

"How long?" he repeated.

"When did this… act really begin?" How long have you been playing us all for fools, her eyes accused.

"Two weeks ago." He watched her carefully as her face betrayed all the conflicting emotions simmering beneath the surface of their conversation. Surprise, then a sad sort of resignation filled her features, making her hauntingly beautiful. "The day after I got back from Edora, to be exact."

Sam frowned, her eyes deep and dark. "And there I thought you were just giving us some space to cool off."

"I was. To tell you the truth, I was avoiding you at all costs… I didn't want to have to play the part with you. I had to be cold and cruel, to detach myself as completely as possible." Jack's eyes were as dark as she'd ever seen them, and just as unfathomable.

"You were horrible to Daniel." She let out a short laugh. "I was damned relieved when he drew the short straw."

"You really drew straws?"

Sam nodded. "I'd hate to imagine the damage you'd have had to try to undue had I been the one to try talking to you."

"Me too," he replied. "I hated lying to you, and I tried to avoid it whenever possible. But I'll let you in on a little secret… I wasn't lying when I said I haven't been acting like myself since I met you. That part was completely true. Before I met you, I wasn't a very good person at all. I was just coming out of the darkest chapter in my even darker life. But you… you bring out the best in me, Carter. You make me want to be a better person." Jack swallowed hard, suddenly afraid he'd gone too far, especially given their location.

Sam looked at Jack for a long quiet moment. He could see a myriad of emotions swimming in her eyes, watched with incredulous surprise as she blinked back a tear. She swallowed hard, taking in a deep gulp of air.

"Sir…" When she finally spoke, her voice was low and husky. "Maybe we should finish this conversation elsewhere. And later. I need some time to think, to process."

Jack sighed. He knew better than to push her. "All right."

"This evening… say, around 19:00." Sam paused, looking up at Jack with wary eyes. "Your place or mine?"

"Up to you," he responded. He was keeping the ball firmly in her court.

"Mine it is, then." She turned away in dismissal. "Would you lock the door on your way out, please sir?"

Jack smiled softly. "Yeahsureyoubetcha!" he said quietly as he left the room.

Sam sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Several hours later, Sam and Jack were sitting in Sam's living room, each nursing a beer, each waiting a little too patiently for the other to start talking. Jack began absently fiddling with the label on his bottle. Sam had so much energy pent up she wanted to get up and start pacing. She had hoped Jack would have started the conversation, but it was looking more and more like he was waiting for her. She sighed out loud, one of frustration and exasperation.

"So… let's see if I have all this straight…" Sam's face was the picture of barely controlled rage. "I bust my ass for three months to save you, the thanks for which I get is to watch you walk into another woman's arms, and before you have a chance to make that up to me, you get orders to betray not just me, but the entire team, with this sting operation act."

It was Jack's turn to sigh aloud. "I was acting under orders. At least I didn't have to be as cold to you as I was to Daniel."

"If you had been that…" Sam wasn't really afraid to be bluntly honest, but it did give her a moment's pause to find the right way to describe his recent behavior. "If you had been that cruel to me, I can guarantee you that you would not be sitting here now. Consider that your one saving grace in this little debacle."

"I didn't want to do it, you know… I didn't have much choice. Fate of the world hanging in the balance, intergalactic allies relying on me to do my duty, however much I may abhor the mission." Jack frowned into his bottle. "Of all people, I'd think you could understand that."

"Understand? Sure. Forgive… that's a bit harder." Sam set her bottle down, turning to look at Jack long and hard. "It's not just the act, you know… it's the whole trust issue… you've burned us all pretty bad lately and I for one don't know how to do the whole 'forgive and forget' thing. Not yet."

"You're still pissed about Laira." Jack turned to look her directly in the eyes. "I told you, nothing happened—"

"If by nothing," Sam interrupted, "you mean that you didn't sleep with her… Fine. That's just wonderful. But it doesn't negate the fact that you turned your back on me and went to her instead. That you were cold and callous to me after I worked so hard for so damn long to get you home, that you weren't the slightest bit grateful or appreciative or anything. You have yet to offer even the smallest thank you…"

"Thank you, Sam." Jack's voice was soft, low, and very much filled with contrition. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner… I knew you would find a way to bring me home… but I guess I forgot that for a while out there… and then with this damned sting op, I got so wound up in trying to avoid hurting you any further, I forgot all over again. I owe you big time for pulling my ass out of that one, and I won't forget it again. That much I can promise you. "

"Please don't," Sam asked softly. "Don't make any promises to me. Not tonight. I can't believe them right now… I hate that—" Sam broke off, her voice starting to crack just the slightest bit.

"I hate it too," Jack replied, his voice still quiet and low.

"It's just going to take time… to rebuild that trust, sir."

"Sir?"

Sam paused. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't you dare apologize, Carter. You've got nothing to be sorry for." Tentatively, Jack reached a hand out to touch Sam's fingers very lightly. "I'm the one who's supposed to be kissing ass tonight, not you," he said with a light smile.

"That's about all you'll be kissing, Sir," she replied with a light smile of her own. She turned her hand over to gently clasp his hand for the briefest moment before pulling her hand away. She looked at Jack for a long quiet moment. "Well… almost all," she amended as she leaned over and pressed her soft lips to Jack's warm ones. She sighed into the kiss, almost melting from the gentle way he was caressing her with his mouth. But almost as soon as it began, it was over and Sam was pulling away again, pulling her good-soldier mask back into place.

"I think you'd better go now, sir… before things go somewhere I'm not ready to go yet," Sam said quietly. Jack nodded his head as he sat his now-empty bottle down beside Sam's on her coffee table. He stood up and walked to her front door.

"Until next time, then," he said softly. "Have a good night, Samantha."

"It is good to have you back, sir," Sam said just before shutting the door behind Jack.