Title: To Save a Life
Author: Koite (yellowrose)
Rating: R
Summary: Gintoki will do his best to save him, whether he wants to be saved or not. One-shot, but if enough people want it, I might write a second chapter with a lemon. :3 almost 2500 words.
Pairings: pre-slash inklings of possible Gintoki/Kamui, OMC/Kamui
Warnings: mentioned past rape, talk of murder, depressing concepts, language

~X~

Now some might think that Kamui didn't care for his sister, but in fact, he thought that she was the only good thing he had left in this world. Which is why, when the higher ups announced that they would need one of the captains to take a trip to the city that Kagura happened to live in in order to go to a meeting with some scumbag in the Yoshiwara district, Kamui volunteered. The little space captain also happened to find himself wandering into the kabuki district in hopes of catching a glimpse of his precious little sister. He wanted to check on her and see what her life was like, but he knew that it was better for her if she never had to see him again. He would only cause her pain, which was why he was secretly following the Yoruzuya trio around for a couple days before the meeting was to occur.

Unfortunately, it seems he had underestimated the silver samurai because when he turned into an alleyway to take a break and eat some breakfast he found himself pressed faced first into a wall with his hands above his head and a sword at his neck before he even registered another being's presence. Looking behind he caught a glimpse of silver hair and surprisingly non-apathetic, intense looking red eyes.

"Well, this is a surprise. What could the Shiroyasha want with little old me, hmm?"

The older man tightened his grip on Kamui's wrists, but other than that there was very little reaction to the use of the name Shiroyasha. The redhead didn't actually need the other to answer, he already knew. Gintoki was here to question Kamui as to why he had been sneaking around the past couple days.

"I didn't think you were the type to ask questions you already knew the answers to. Guess I was wrong, huh? Well then, I'll give you an answer you weren't expecting. I'm here to save you."

So the silver-headed samurai wanted to save him? That was pathetic, he didn't require saving. How far had he fallen for his suffering to be known to even a complete stranger? Kamui wasn't some damsel in distress, he was a killer, a murderer. He was nothing but a Yato. His very veins were filled with nothing but blood-lust. The redhead had done things that would probably make the honorable samurai puke. He didn't even think of himself as a person. Save him? Don't be silly. There was nothing left to save, and if there was, then there was nothing worth saving.

So Kamui asked in a voice filled with bitter contempt and self-loathing, "Don't you think that's a bit of a lost cause, Gintoki-san?"

"Apparently your sister doesn't think so. She cried last time you left, even though your comrade was the one to give her multiple bone fractures and you did nothing to help her. She cried and begged me to help you, to save you. So I'm going to try my damned hardest whether you want me to or not. And don't you ever call yourself a lost cause. If there's something there to save, I'll find it and I'll rescue it." Gintoki said with a light growl and a determined face, squeezing Kamui's wrists on the last sentence for emphasis.

Kamui scoffed. "My sister doesn't know anything about me anymore. I've done things, things I can't take back. I've made mistakes that I can't be forgiven for. I've lost things that can never be found again...There's nothing to save, Gintoki-san. Nothing. Have fun looking." Kamui said, breaking away from Gintoki's grip. Pushing himself off the wall he made to walk away and out of their lives forever. Obviously even checking up on her caused her pain. Therefor he would just have to stop being selfish and just stay away.

"Tell Kagura I died. It's for the bes-" GIntoki grabbed Kamui's wrist and slammed his back onto the wall of the alley, effectively stopping him from continuing that sentence.

"You think that would help her? She wants to save you, so you tell her you're dead? Yes, surely that's the best way to go in this situation. You may be a Yato, you may have killed hundreds of people, but you are still young. I've been in a situation that made me feel the way you do-that it'd be better for everyone if you just stopped existing-and that's how I know that it's wrong. You may think you're being selfless by wanting to commit suicide, but it's not selfless-it's selfish." Gintoki said, staring intensely into Kamui's surprised eyes. He really wanted the point to get across to the younger one.

Taking a shaky breath Kamui replied in a quiet voice, "What did you do? To resolve the...the situation, I mean."

"What I did won't help you. Our situations were too different. But I'll tell you what I think the best thing for you to do is. Do you want me to help?" Gintoki asked softly.

"...O-ok. Ok, yes." Kamui stated.

"Ok what, Kamui-kun?" Gintoki prodded, he needed to other to admit he needed him, to admit he wanted the help. The redhead was the type to pretend none of this happened and if he didn't get a confession out of him then the little captain would likely refuse his help later.

"Ok, fine. I would like your help. Shiroyasha." Kamui said through gritted teeth. He loathed admitting he had a weakness.

"Now, now, just because you're feeling vulnerable doesn't mean you have to strike out at the one helping you!" Gintoki said with a smile.

Receiving a glare from the other he continued, "The first thing I think you should do is come with me. I need you to tell me exactly what your situation is in order to properly help. We don't have to let anyone else know you're here if you don't want to."

"Ok."

~X~

The kids were out for the day so Gintoki had brought him back to the Yorozuya. Kamui turned down the multiple offers of strawberry milk, wondering why someone would want to drink such a strange colored liquid, but accepted the offer of hot tea.

The redhead wasn't sure where to start or what to say. Now that he wasn't being forced against a wall the idea of spewing out everything that was currently going on in his life sounded absolutely atrocious. He hated complaining and self-pity, and he was currently asking to commit both? This definitely wasn't something he wanted. That silver-headed bastard! He wanted to rip off his arms and shove one up his ass and the other into his mouth-finally, an end to the seemingly endless praise the samurai had for that damned strawberry milk. Honestly, Kamui did not care about all the completely random facts and little histories of the pepto-bismol looking liquid. He made a vow to get back at the annoying samurai at some later point.

After a few awkward moments of the two of them sitting on opposite couches in complete silence Kamui finally spoke up.

"I'm not sure what to say. Where do I start? What's important? I've never talked about...I've never done this sort of...thing before."

Setting down his strawberry milk and leaning back Gintoki said, "Well, what do you think is relevant? I guess a good place to start would be: why do you think you're not worth saving? Why do you think you're a 'lost cause'?"

Looking away Kamui took another sip of his tea before starting.

"I've done many...horrible things-to others and to myself. I'm not sure there's anything of the original me-the me that Kagura wants-left inside. My body is empty, a mere husk with no feelings. What torments me is not that I hate killing others, but the fact that I've grown so accustomed to committing homicide-and genocide-that I no longer feel anything when I do so. I am apathetic towards acts of great violence inflicted by myself upon others. I feel nothing when I take a life. And I feel nothing when...something...is taken from me. I...I feel nothing."

Gintoki listened in silence and without judgement. He knew what it felt like to be killing so often that you forgot you were taking lives. It would take a while to heal in that aspect, but Gintoki could help.

"What has been taken from you?"

Kamui's head whipped around to look at him from it's previous position of staring at the grains of wood in the table.

"Do I have to answer that? ...I mean, it's just...there's a difference between feeling nothing about it myself and feeling nothing when I relate it to others. I feel...it would be embarrassing to admit to what has been...taken."

Sighing Gintoki said, "If you want me to help, I must know what the problem is." And then with a softer voice, "Let me help you. Please."

Taking a deep breath Kamui looked out the window into the early morning light and near empty streets. He stared for a moment at the shopkeepers slowly opening up and the early bird shoppers emerging from their houses. His stomach growled and he remembered that he still had yet to eat breakfast. Gintoki gave him his moment to prepare for what he had to say and went to get the two of them some tamagoyaki, rice, and miso soup. Taking one last look at how the first rays of dawn made shadows through the window blades, Kamui finally looked away, knowing that if he didn't he would simply stay quiet the entire morning.

Forcing himself to take another shaky breath he quietly murmured the word he was having the hardest time saying.

Due to the fact that Gintoki was in the kitchen cooking, he couldn't hear and Kamui was forced to say it louder.

"Rape."

And suddenly everything was quiet.

It wasn't the comfortable silence of the early morning when you're the first person up. It was the deep, seemingly endless, heavy silence of two people searching desperately but genuinely not knowing what could possibly be said or done after something of such a caliber was mentioned in order to make it better. Kamui could feel Gintoki's eyes on him. Kamui continued.

"You're going to burn the eggs if you keep looking at me." Satisfied that the older man was no longer looking at him he spoke again, "I started working at a young because my father left my sister and I alone without any money for food or other necessities. I had to be the provider. When you're 10 it's hard to find a job no matter what planet you live on. I stayed out all day and night looking for work in order to pay for our food. One day I finally found a man nice enough to hire me.

He had me working as a dish cleaner in a run-down restaurant in a less then respectable part of town. It was perfectly fine up until the day before I was to get my first paycheck. He came up to me after business hours and told me to hold onto the table, drop my pants, bend over, and stay quiet. I was so close to having the money and I had spent too much time working there to quit when I was so close. If I didn't get that money I wouldn't even be able to provide for myself, let alone Kagura. I had no choice. I dropped my pants. And I dropped by pants every third Friday before I received my paycheck for the next four years. I never told Kagura or Umibouzu. They both think I tried to kill him because of an old Yato tradition. That's only half true.

I tried to kill him because when he abandoned us he forced me into that life, that hell. For fucks sake, I was forced into unwilling sex when I was 10. How the hell else did he expect me to turn out? I became strong though, and I never let that type of situation be forced upon me again. That's why I never kill women and children-only men. Women can protect their children. Children are innocent. Men are worthless trash. They abandon their loved ones and take from those unable to fight back. I am no better than any of them. I abandoned Kagura when I turned 14 and a killed people who were unable to even dream of being able to do anything about it even if they were the strongest of their race."

Gintoki was quiet. He finished cooking and brought out the food. The two of them ate in silence for about ten minutes before Kamui couldn't take it anymore. He was starting to feel afraid, it was a completely irrational fear and he wasn't even sure what he was afraid of but it was there. And the fear was making him nauseous. He put his half eaten food on the table and pushed it away, sitting on the couch stiffly and waiting for Gintoki to say something.

Gintoki must have noticed how bad Kamui felt when he pushed away his food. Yato's never pushed away food, they had an endless stomach after all. However he kept silent. Kamui knew that the silence was likely due to the older man merely trying to figure out was to say, but the redhead still felt overly nervous.

Finally putting his food down, Gintoki looked up at Kamui with a serious expression and intense red eyes.

"I will protect you. I won't abandon you. Stay with me."

And somehow, he had figured out the perfect thing to say. So simple, but so perfect. It was what Kamui had been unknowingly looking for his entire life. Someone to protect him, someone to care for him. So that for once, he no longer had to do it himself. He no longer had be the strongest Yato. He could just be himself-a small, redheaded, teenager who loved green tea, chocolate pocky, and peace. There was only one possible answer to the question. So he gave it.

"Yes."

~X~

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