Strawberry Fields
Although Ruth had been the oldest between the cousins and had been known as Lady Ruth in the Hidden Land, she neither felt older nor felt like a lady when in the presence of the Hidden Land people. In particular, her betrothed, her fiancé, Lord Randolph. She had many times gone to her cousin, Ted to speak to him about her fears, if only to voice them out loud to an understanding ear but before she could make it to the other side of the castle to Ted's chambers she would soon find herself asking herself, how could her cousin, the oldest of the boys and yet still two years younger then herself, understand? He may be the King and he may be understanding in other ways, in other circumstances but this was one situation she couldn't imagine him being very understanding about.
Besides he was Lord Randolph's best friend and although she trusted Ted with any secret that she gave to him, this was one she didn't want to leave in the open to be found out.
Her cousin Laura was out of the question. She was much to young to understand and would prove more curious and full of questions then understanding.
Ruth clung mostly to the idea of speaking to her Aunt Nora. Her aunt was all that Ted was plus a woman. She was also older and experienced. She knew about love and the complications that came with it. Most of all she knew about men. Ruth assumed having to put up with her Uncle Thomas daily for over twenty years surely made her Aunt a expert on men.
The thoughts were fresh in her head when she woke that morning, two years to the day since they had all returned to the High Castle after explaining to her parents everything about The Secret Country and their adventures. Ruth was barely eighteen and she felt it very much in everything around her. Mostly when she was near Lord Randolph and especially when she found his eyes on her, a soft smile appearing across his face as her own eyes met hers. She was afraid, being from such a fickle world, that after two years of being in Randolph's presence she would tire of him. She was afraid she would not want to marry him, she was afraid because more then anything she wanted to not be a fickle teenager.
She had been afraid for nothing.
She also feared Lord Randolph being older and experienced that he would grow impatient. That he would wish more from her then what she was ready to give. She feared losing him to some other girl in the castle.
This also had been a fear of nothing.
If anything Randolph was the perfect gentleman to her. She should have realized him being from the Hidden Land and not the world she had grown up in that sex was not a necessity there as it was in her own home world. It was there and it was welcome but it was not like the girls her age felt necessary to jump into so quickly.
It had been a trying time to just get a small kiss from him. A kiss he had apologized for, for nearly a week until she had taken the courage in her and shut up his last apology he had given with a kiss of her own. A kiss that was much more then what he had given. A kiss that had put a different soft smile on his face. A smile she now was graced with every moment their eyes met.
It was that smile that had her in such a state of confusion.
"Aunt Nora, may I speak with you later?" Ruth asked as she sat at the table her Aunt, Uncle and youngest cousin were seated at.
Her Aunt smiled up at her, a certain look her eyes, "I was wondering when you would come to me. Certainly, what are your plans after breakfast?"
Ted sat beside her at that moment and she briefly glanced at him, afraid that he would know instantly what she had asked his mother and would know why. Silly of her but a fear nonetheless, "I am to meet with Fence but after I am free."
"Laura has foregone on going horseback riding with me, once again." They both looked to Laura, a knowing smile on both of their faces which Laura chose to ignore as she stared down into her oatmeal, "Will you join me for a ride then?"
Ruth nodded, grateful. Not only would the horseback riding calm her but it would take them away from the High Castle. Away from curious ears, which certainly were always around.
Just as Ruth was finishing her breakfast and about to exit with Ted at her side, Randolph entered with Matthew and Benjamin. Smiling Ruth first looked down at the floor and then back up into Randolph's face, her eyes meeting his and holding them. He reached out a hand to her and she placed her own in his. He lead her away from the others, "Are you leaving so soon?" He asked and she wished she had waited just a bit longer to come down to breakfast. Meals were about the only time they were able to spend time together speaking simply.
"I must meet with Fence briefly before going on a ride with my Aunt."
"Will you be gone long?"
"I do not know. Do you wish for me to return sooner?"
"Always." He said and her hand slipped. His fingers tightened around hers to hold her hand still, "Until you return m'lady." He brought her hand up and brushed his lips lightly over her knuckles, keeping his eyes locked with her own, "May we find time alone together soon."
Ruth pulled her hand from his and brushed her fingers over his cheek before turning from him and quickly leaving the Hall. The two hundred and eight steps to Fence's room would be a most welcome distraction to her.
Fence took much longer then Ruth had expected and when she finally made it to the stables it was near lunch. Much to her relief her Aunt Nora raised a basket as she approached to let her know that food was taken care of.
"Where do you wish to stop?" Her Aunt asked.
Ruth took a moment, the brief sorcery lesson Fence had given her still fresh in her mind, "Can we just ride for a bit?"
And ride they did. Hard and fast for the first half hour and for the next half they slowly galloped along the river bank, such a distance between them that at one time Ruth was unable to see her aunt at all. But soon hunger overtook the urge to continue to ride and with few brief words they choose a clearing and set up lunch.
"I love riding along the bank."
"I wish Laura would enjoy riding more. I think it would help with some of her issues."
"Is she having a hard time?" Ruth asked, suddenly realizing she hadn't much been there for her cousin for awhile. If she were truthful she would say for the two years they had been there.
Her Aunt gave a comforting smile, "Only with being thirteen. Do you not remember that age?"
Ruth chuckled, "Oh yes. Still a child but wanting so much to be a woman. Stuck between two worlds." They silently ate their food and Ruth sighed, "I wish Ellie were here. She was always much closer to Laura."
"I think Laura wishes that as well. Although she has become quite close to Lord Matthew's children and Margaret is only a year younger then her."
"Margaret. Right." Ruth caught her aunt's eyes and they both laughed.
"You can't say she doesn't keep it interesting."
"Nor can you say she doesn't keep anyone around her off their toes. She's a handful that one."
"Too right." They laughed again and fell into another silence.
"How is your music coming along?" Ruth asked after a bit. Instead of answering her aunt turned to her, "As much as I wish it, we can not stay out here all night. Let us speak. Woman to woman." Her aunt placed a comforting hand in hers and squeezed, "Because you are a woman now Ruth. If not certainly in this world by a few years, definitely where we come from for a few months now. Speak to me for I have no direct communication with your father, nor would I tell him."
Ruth smiled, embarrassed, "I am merely clueless where to start."
Her aunt squeezed her hand again and let go, "Then let me. I do not believe I have ever told you what I think of Lord Randolph." There was a brief pause and Ruth realized she was holding her breath, "He is quite the catch." Ruth let out a rush of air and chuckled, "And I'm not the only one that thinks so." Ruth lifted her eyes, worry clear in them, her aunt squeezed her knee, "Oh do not worry, although many woman and girls have their eyes on him, he only has his eyes on one." Ruth nearly asked who before laughing at herself. "He certainly thinks highly of you."
"And I him."
"Yes. But from what I remember, you two are not to be married for another two years."
"True." Ruth nodded and took a deep breath, "That is my issue."
"Ruth, love, I will not tell you to wait, that is for you and him to decide but I will tell you I do believe it will be much harder to persuade him to not wait. True he is male and all males, well, they enjoy one thing over all others, he is different. If only because he is from this world."
Ruth was starring down at her hands, "He was with another woman before." She looked up at her Aunt, "The one that brought us here in the first place. They were lovers."
"This I did not know."
"She bewitched him. Or at least I like to tell myself that." She gave a small smile, "Fence says it was so though and Ted believes it. I do too, just sometimes . . ."
"You wonder." Her aunt finished for her, "of course. And that is perfectly natural Ruth. But you must know, that man is completely infatuated with you. He is in love with you, I could see it since the day you kids came through the mirror and it has only grown more so since. He is a man of honor and to take you before you two were to be wed would be against everything in him."
"And yet it's all I think about anymore."
Her aunt laughed and Ruth blushed as she lowered her head enough to let her hair hide her face. Her aunts hand was on her knee again, "That is perfectly natural dear. Trust me, it's all that is on Ted's mind these days and he's two years younger then you, King of a country and has no betrothed to satisfy his future at nights. Have you two kissed?"
"Yes."
"Let's have ourselves a little girl gossip then, tell me how does he kiss?"
"By the book." Were the first words out of her mouth and they both took a moment before spitting out "Romeo and Juliet" in a rush of air. They laughed together and Ruth felt all nervousness about the conversation leave her. This was a game the five of them have played since they returned. When one of the children recites a known verse or line of poetry they all rush to be the first to proclaim where it was originally from.
"A by the book kisser. Well that is certainly a good sign." They smiled at one another and began to pack up their lunch. They slowly rode back to the High Castle, the afternoon air turning cooler as the sun set behind them. "Dinner is probably just about over." Aunt Nora perceived as they dismounted and handed the reins of the horses to the stableboys. "Ruthie," They stopped outside the castle doors and faced one another, "I want you to know that you can come to me anytime. Any questions, any time you need to talk. I know there are not many girls here your age you can speak with and I don't want you to ever feel like you are alone."
"Thank you Aunt Nora."
"I only ask in return that if ever Laura needs to have the pre-sex talk that she can come to you. I'm not sure I can be so rational with her."
They both laughed and made their way into the Hall for dinner.
It had been three days since the day of her talk with her Aunt since Ruth had seen Randolph. Finally upon the evening of the third day she took it upon herself to go find him instead of waiting for chance to let them run into one another. Ruth had only been inside Randolph's chambers once but knew the way almost as well as she knew the way to her own room. The door was open to his room and she took a small step inside, intending to knock on the open door but what she saw caused her to take a few more steps inside quietly.
Randolph, without his shirt, was standing near the bed looking down as he buckled a belt around his waist. Without the many layers of clothes covering him, his back looked so much bigger to her. It was smooth and as he bent over to retrieve his shirt from the bed, the muscles in his back stretched and Ruth wanted nothing more then to run her hands over his back.
"Randolph."
Ruth jumped as her and Randolph turned to find Ted standing in the doorway just behind her. Ted's eyes took in Randolph's state of dress before landing on her, "What are you doing in here Ruth?"
"That is none of your concern cousin." They held each others eyes for a few moments, each daring the other to look away first. Finally Ted looked away to speak to Randolph, "The council is ready to begin as soon as you arrive." Ruth turned to look at Randolph as well and saw that he had slipped on his shirt and was buttoning it up.
Randolph nodded, "I only need a moment more." Ted's eyes met Ruth's once more before he turned dramatically, his cloak flying out around him and following as he rushed down the hall. He had certainly gotten the King bit down.
"I wish you had not said that to Ted?"
She turned back to him and watched as he placed the rest of his outfit on, finishing with the cloak he brought around his shoulders, "Why?" she asked
"Because now he will believe something is going on between us."
Ruth gave a dark laugh, "Imagine that." She looked up at him, her eyes narrowed, "We are to be married."
He took a step to her, "You are angry? But why?" She did not answer him because she knew not what to say, "It makes your character look bad for Ted to think these things."
"I do not care what Ted thinks of me. He has known me since the days we ate mud pies together."
"Mud pies?"
"Oh don't tell me you never made mud pies?"
The look on his face was one of such confusion that Ruth couldn't help the laughter even though she wished to stay upset. "I'll be sure that our children cook one up for you special when the time comes." They both seemed to freeze at those words.
"You wish to have children?"
"Do you not?"
They had never spoken about children, in fact they rarely spoke about their future. It was as if everything waited for her twentieth year. That damned year she had given. She watched as he smiled and moved to her. "My Lady Ruth, I wish to have many children with you."
Her hand was in his and she gave a nervous laugh, "We'll have to speak about that many word you used, but I, as well, do wish to have children. With you."
He used his other hand to brush her hair from her face, "Kiss me." She whispered although it was more of a whimper and much to her delight he did not dispute her. Instead he brought his mouth to hers and the breath was taken directly from her. As they parted Ruth heard herself whisper, "You kiss by the book." in her own voice that had nothing to do with Lady Ruth.
"As do you m'lady." Randolph whispered back before taking a step away from her, "I regret that I must depart from you. The council awaits me and Ted will question if I take much longer."
'Let him', Ruth wanted to say.
"Ruth,"
Ruth sighed and turned to face her cousin, her King.
"Will you have tea with me?"
"Depends." Ruth muttered.
"Ruth." The tone of his voice was clear enough to her. She gave a deep sigh and waved her hand in front of her, "Lead the way your Majesty."
The look he gave her was anything but kind. They silently made their way to a table in one of the empty studies and tea was immediately brought to them. They sat there silently sipping for a few moments.
"What is going on between you and Randolph?"
"Well let's see, we are to be married." Ruth sarcastically replied, the cup at her lips. She raised her eyes to meet his and took a drink, her eyebrows raised.
"Not for another two years."
Ruth brought her cup to the table with a huff of air, "Oh blimey Ted, you expect us to wait that long?"
"Yes."
"Would you?"
"Ye -" but his voice trailed off.
"Exactly."
They were quiet again and Ruth had nearly finished her tea before he spoke again, "So you two have . . .?"
Ruth sat her cup away from her and it was immediately taken away by one of the servants, "Not that it is any of your business, but no we have not."
Ted placed his cup down in front of him, relief clear in his bright blue eyes however they began to cloud over again as he asked his next question, "He's not trying to force you, is he?"
Ruth laughed then, a cold harsh laugh, "Not likely. Randolph is the perfect gentleman."
"Ruth." Maybe it was because he sounded so shocked but she suddenly felt the urge to talk to him about. She leaned forward and brought her voice to a quieter whisper then they had been speaking in, "It's just I'm 18 Ted and I'm in love. I've been in love for two years and it'll be another two before we are married. Just because I'm a female and live in the High Castle does not make me immune to feeling horny."
Ted jerked back, his tea spilling onto the table as he looked as if he wanted to cry out. Ruth leaned back in her chair, chuckling softly even though she felt a blush forming across her cheeks. Ted took the cloth from the servant that came over to clean up the spilled tea and waved him away. He laid the cloth across the spill, not even bothering to properly clean it and cleared his throat, "Um perhaps you should speak to someone else about this."
"I have, your mother."
"Oh." Ted groaned, "No. Now she may feel the need to have 'the talk' with me."
"I don't believe you have to worry about that. I've already been hired to have the talk with Laura when the time comes."
"Laura?!" He nearly shouted before saying in a quick whisper, "She's not . . .?"
"No." Ruth rolled her eyes, "Geez Ted, I said when the time comes."
It came as no surprise to them when just after December Andrew sent word that he was coming to out Ted as the imposter that he was and to reveal Randolph as the murderer of King William. Those of course were not his exact words but they were what her, Ted, Laura, Fence and Randolph had interpreted the letter as meaning.
Within days it was decided that the council would form a group that would go to the Dragon King to deal with Andrew. Whom was a traitor to them all even if the certain members of the council did not know the truth involving the children. Randolph was one of the first members to be chosen and Ruth was immediately upset. They would be gone for nearly a year and therefore she would not see him again until after her twentieth birthday. For they were not to leave until the first leaves fall in September.
In a quick, decisive motion, Ruth stepped closer, and Randolph bent to kiss her with so much passion that it literally took her breath away. Randolph's arms circled around her waist and crushed her to him, thankfully because her knees were weak and she feared she would be unable to stand on her own. Much to her satisfaction Randolph pulled at her cloak and it pooled around her feet. His own he flung across the forest leaves before he pulled the light dress that had been under her cloak up and over her head in one swift movement. She was naked underneath and as his arms slid around her waist, drawing her tight against him again, she felt a shiver run through her at the contact. Her fingers pulled at the buttons of his shirts, shaking, until they were done and she ran her hands back up his stomach and chest, coming up over his shoulders to push the shirt off him. It landed at his feet and as her nails lightly scratched down his back he shivered himself before ducking his head to her lips again. His own hands lightly fingered their way over own shoulders and down her arms before hesitantly moving to her hips and slowly up. Once they reached her breasts, he paused and took a moment to look into her eyes. A moment later he had cupped her breasts, his hands full of greedy arousal and he ducked his head. Her own head fell back as a gasp escaped from her lips when he drew her right nipple into his mouth. Her hand found their way to his pants and she eased the belt off and slipped her hand inside. She felt a similar shiver run through him as his penis filled her hand.
Randolph shoved his pants down to his knees and gently lowered her to the ground. He was laying over her, in a frozen moment as he raised his head to meet her eyes, a question in them, waiting for her.
Ruth nodded, her breath coming fast. She hung onto his shoulders as he slid inside her slowly, gasping as he buried himself deep. He froze when she whimpered in pain, his eyes meeting hers again in a panic. When he saw the tears slid from the side of her eyes he began to get off her but she wrapped her arms around his back tightly, holding him there.
"What?" He asked, one hand brushing her hair back as his thumb trailed the line of one of her tears, "Why are you crying?"
"I . . ." She swallowed, squeezing her eyes shut before opening them again, "This is my first time."
His eyes told her everything. If he hadn't loved her enough before, he now loved her more then ever. How could she ever doubt that? How could she not trust that? "Do you wish to stop?"
"No." She shook her head, "No. Just, give me a moment. Slowly." And he began to slowly move against her. The pain was excruciating but within moments it began to disappear. Pleasure soon became more so and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her own body beginning to meet his thrusts as he moved faster and harder.
"Ruth . . ." Randolph moaned against her neck. She held him tighter, hearing almost nothing but his quick breathing and the roaring of the blood in her own ears.
"Yes, Randolph." She heard herself whisper. "Oh yes . . ." She threw her head back, completely exposing her neck as she felt a rush of pleasure approaching. Her arms tried to pull him in deeper and faster as she felt the pleasure becoming more. "Please Randolph . . ." she heard herself beg and he kissed her lightly on the lips before obeying her plea. She had imagined what this would be like for so long, yet she had never thought it could feel so good. She never wanted it to end, yet there was something building in her that desired to be released.
Then all at once she was there. Ruth sucked in a sharp breath and let the feeling seize her. A wave of spasms passed over her as she cried out in pleasure. Her hold around Randolph's back tightened as she rode it through to the end, the world graying out around her. Randolph thrust into her a few more times and came with a strangled groan, burying himself deeper and gripping her hips tightly.
They stayed there, holding each other, gasping for breath and feeling each other's shudders for some time. Randolph drew back and their eyes met, he withdrew from her and smoothed the hair back from her face, claiming her lips with his own in one of the sweetest kisses she had ever received from him, "I love you my Lady Ruth." He whispered against her mouth as he ran his hand over her shoulder and down her arm. He then laid on his back, bringing her with him and she brought her head to his chest, her arm lying across his stomach, "I love you too, Randolph" she whispered and soon the tears were falling silently from her eyes.
He pulled back after a moment, surprised to feel the wetness of her tears on his chest. He sat up, bringing her with him and asked in a panic, "What is it? Do you regret what we've done?"
Ruth shook her head as she brushed her tears from her face. Her eyes closed briefly and she felt a cloak swing around her before falling against her shoulders. She opened her eyes to find Randolph's own blue cloak against her body and she lowered her face into it, breathing in his scent.
"I knew we should have waited, I let my affections get ahead of me . . ."
Ruth quickly brought her hand up to his mouth, covering it lightly to shush him, "No Randolph. I'm glad we didn't wait. I've wanted to be with you . . . for so long." She choked on her words and he took her hand away from his mouth and held it tightly in his own.
"Then what is it? What makes you cry as if you have lost something."
She gave a short laugh, "True I have lost something tonight." Off his look she added, "Something I wanted to lose. I cry because . . ." She looked away then, her eyes first landing where they had just made love before lifting to meet the July moon starring down at them, her eyes met his again and she said what she had wanted to say for months, "I don't want you to go."
Without a word he stood. She watched as he dressed himself before picking up her own cloak and dress and placing it into the back on the horse. He then came back to her and she began to shrug off the cloak to give to him but he pushed it back around her shoulders, taking a moment to clasp the broach together. He then lifted her in his arms and placed her onto the horse before mounting himself. He wrapped his arm around her and took the reins into his arms. Before they began their trek back to the castle he kissed her once more and Ruth signed into the kiss. This was it. Once they returned to the castle she would go back to her room on one side of the castle and Randolph to his on the other side.
Ruth waited outside the stables as Randolph took the horse in. She held his cloak tight around her, more out of desire to have him close then the need to be covered and warm. Her eyes once again lifted to the stars above them and met with the moon. I was caught somewhere between a woman and child / one restless summer we found love growing wild/ on the banks of the river, on a well beaten path / seventeen / the hot July moon saw everything / my first taste of love / oh bittersweet
Randolph came out of the stables, her dress and cloak laid across his arm. He took her hand in his free hand and lead her into the castle. It took her more then a few moments to realize they were not headed in the direction of her own room but to his. Once inside, Randolph closed the door and placed her clothing over a chair. Finally their eyes met and he said to her unasked question, "Let me hold you tonight. If only for tonight, let me feel you in my arms, let me wake up to you beside me." Ruth could only nod and he lead her to the bed, the cloak sliding off of her in one swift moment before they were both in bed, their naked bodies once again, pressing against one another as they kissed deeply. Desire soon overtook their need to just be in each others arms and Ruth felt him slid inside of her once more.
"Ruth, marry me." He said later as they both neared sleep, "Don't make me wait any longer. Marry me before I leave."
"Yes." Ruth whispered without a second thought.
His arms tightened around her and they were both asleep within moments.
Ruth opened her eyes and shut them again quickly, throwing an arm over her eyes to block out the bright sun shining in on her, "Blasted sun." She cursed and heard a chuckle from beside her. She brought her arm down to find Randolph's eyes on her, a bright smile on his face. Everything that had happened the night before came rushing back to her and her own face broke out into a goofy smile, "Wow." She whispered. Her hand lifted to touch his temple before running through his dark hair, "What a night that was."
If possible his smile grew, "You were much satisfied then?"
Ruth laughed, "Definitely my good Lord. You have much to be proud of."
"Ay." His eyes danced playfully and she cupped his cheek in her hand, running her thumb back and forth over it. After a moment his smile disappeared and his eyes grew serious, he sat up, bringing her with him, "Though I asked something of you I should not have. I will not hold you against your answer if you wish to change it."
It took Ruth a moment to remember what he had asked of her. At first she thought he meant the taking of her virginity but it didn't sound right. Then the memory came back to her, she had been so close to being asleep when he had asked her to marry him sooner that she had thought it a part of her dream.
"I don't wish to change it." Ruth said quickly. His eyes briefly lit up but he seemed to hold himself back.
"Are you certain? What of your wish to wait until you are twenty."
"Another year and a half which you will be gone for most of? No way, no how." She smiled and he returned the smile.
"You are certain."
"Never been more certain of anything before. Only . . . we were hoping to be able to find a way for my parents and Patrick and Ellen to be able to attend."
"Perhaps Fence has found a way and not let us know."
"Why wouldn't he tell us?"
Randolph chuckled, "The many reasons Fence seems to keep certain things to himself, we shall never know. However if we were to go to him with our wish to marry sooner, he shall not keep it from us."
End (for now)