A/N: Hi! Sylgia here! So, I was trying to work myself up to a new chapter of any one of my four different chapter stories (It's only four because Fizz handed over Clash of All Worlds), and then I realized that I don't even have a one-shot. Well, I figured that typing a one-shot might help me get back to another chapter of Silver Swords, or Early Bird gets the Kat, or CoAW, or maybe even Haunted Hotel… so here it is! A special thanks to Fizz for giving me the idea in the first place!
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"Come on Pittoo! This is important!"
"Only to you!"
"Well, you are technically me, so you should like it too!"
"That is one of your dumbest statements yet! On the scale it almost out-weighs that time when you gave Cragalanche that victory taunt! Wait-no. Your dumbest statement was when you told Phosphora that her shorts were too… short."
"Don't bring that up!"
"Then don't you dare make me wear that!" Dark Pit yelled, as Pit held up an elf costume
"Come on, I'm Santa, and you're my elf!"
"No, you're Santa, and I'm out of here!"
"NO! Come on Pittoo, please?!"
"NO!"
"Fine, then at least go grocery shopping!"
"Anything is better than wearing that."
Pit and Dark Pit were at the mall to do last minute Christmas shopping. Well, actually, Pit was there and got caught up in an interview and eventually agreed to be Santa for $5 an hour, and Pittoo was tagging along because Pit wanted to get him into the 'Christmas Spirit'. Before that, Pit had spent an hour trying to explain what Christmas WAS to Dark Pit, who never heard of it in his exceptionally short life. To be fair, the guy did spend three years of it in a coma though. The angels both had their wings covered up to avoid human attention.
"Great! Here you go!" said Pit, as he threw the incredibly long list at Pittoo.
Dark Pit looked at the list. Some of it was full of the average groceries, and others were absurd Christmas presents.
Three turkeys
Six bags of stuffing
Flour
Frosting
Chocolate chips
Every kind of veggie you can find (for Viridi)
(also, on that last one, leave out eggplants)
And here is where the handwriting got messier, signaling that Pit wrote this part. (It was spelled much worse on the actual list)
A new game with me in it
SSB4
A WiiU
A year's supply of ice cream
An island shaped like my head
Living stick figures
A portable HD TV
A giant statue of me made of ice cream
My own hot spring that no one else is allowed to use
The ability to fly on my own
A jet pack
A robot fighting dog like what Megaman has
A new sacred treasure
A gigantic cake
Excalibur
My friends from Smash to be there except for the villains
A Pikachu
A dragon; like Toothless
Super speed like Sonic
The Four Sword so there can be five of me
Psychokinesis…
The Pit section of the list went on endlessly. Dark Pit raised an eyebrow. He didn't even know what he wanted for Christmas. Wait- he did. He wanted people to stop calling him Pittoo. Somehow he didn't think that was going to happen. He was also pretty sure it was impossible to buy psychokinesis.
Well, whatever. It still beats wearing that ridiculous costume. He thought. So Pittoo went shopping. He got the normal stuff, like the turkey and stuffing, and he figured that a WiiU would be kind of cool, so he got that too. Pittoo knew nothing of shopping though, so he was confused when he left the store and an alarm went off. Well, he didn't want the humans searching him and discovering his wings, so he ran off.
When Pit heard the alarm go off, he ran to investigate. He saw Pittoo running off with the stuff, while police cars were chasing him. A cop leaned out of the window, and shot something at Pittoo.
Wait, a guy just shot AT HIS BROTHER!
Pit got mad and punched the guy in the face, asked other cops what was going on, and paid for the stuff. Dark Pit got the scolding of his life when Pit caught up to him, and they figured that Pit could now ditch the Santa costume.
"Lady Palutena isn't picking us up for a few more hours…"Pit started
"…and we bought everything on the list we could…" Dark Pit finished. Slowly, the twin angels got identical evil grins on their faces.
"We still have the cart…"
"…and there's a big hill over there…" Pit hopped inside the large part of the cart while Pittoo got behind it and grabbed it by the handle. Pittoo shoved it over to the hill and as soon as it started rolling by itself he got onto that little bar that connects the wheels. Both angels were cheering enthusiastically as they rode down, with Dark Pit steering the cart and Pit telling him where plants and burrows were. Until they hit a branch that Pit didn't see and tumbled painfully down the rest of the hill, falling into a moaning heap at the bottom and totally trashing the cart.
"…That. Was. AWESOME!" Pit cheered, "Let's do it again!"
"We can't, the cart is wreaked and I doubt they'll let us steal another one from that store." Pittoo pointed out.
"Stop calling me Pittoo!" Dark Pit shouted at the author
"Dude! I just fixed the fourth wall after Uprising!"
"Fine, instead of Pittoo, I'll call you Kuro. It's shorter anyway." Said the author
So anyway, the angels then decided to go to an amusement park. Kuro had never been to one before, so Pit found it his duty to show him all the cool rides. Of course, Kuro quickly found a dunk tank, and greatly enjoyed dunking the poor guy. Pit didn't like it until he found out the guy got paid for it.
"Hey! There's a waterlog ride too!" Pit exclaimed, going over to a giant set-up, which did, in fact, happen to be a roller coaster with water. Pitto- I mean Kuro didn't really like getting wet as much as Pit did, but then again Pit didn't enjoy "The Scissors" as much as he did. Well, the boys got bored after a while, grabbed a few hot dogs, and went back to the mall.
"Lady Palutena should be here soon." Said Pit
"I thought your goddess was punctual." Muttered Kuro.
Somewhere deep in a far away land,a young fanfiction author came up with a plan. Kuro just didn't stick for her. Pittoo is better, she thought with a purr. The author wanted to have a little fun. So she distracted Palutena, and her plan begun.
Palutena was having a relaxing day in Skyworld. Pit was fun, but it was nice to get a break every once and a while. She was soaking in a hot spring until a doorbell rang. She quickly got dressed and went to see who it was, and was surprised when she just found a package in front of the gates. So she picked it up, carried it inside, and opened it. She gasped when she found two little angels in the box. Chibi Pit got up out of the box and stared at Palutena with big, cute eyes. Chibi Dark Pit soon followed, except instead of staring, he was glaring.
"…Lady Pawutena?" asked Chibi Pit. Palutena couldn't take it any longer, she hugged Chibi Pit. He was adorable at first sight, made more adorable by the fact that he couldn't say her name right.
"…Can I have a puppy?" Chibi Pit asked
"No." Palutena said gently
"I hate wu wawl!" Chibi Pittoo pouted. Of course, he was Chibi so it was adorable. Palutena took them both inside, smiling.
With the not-chibi angels, it was an hour and a half after Palutena was supposed to pick them up.
"Where's Lady Palutena?" whined Pit, "I'm bored, and hungry, and my legs are getting tired, and-"
"She's not coming. It's past dark. We'll have to set up camp somewhere." Said Pittoo, oblivious to the fact that his brother had no wilderness survival experience whatsoever.
"What?! No! She'll be here, she'd never forget us!"
"Maybe not you, so you can suit yourself."
"Wait a second… I have a weird feeling… let me check the fourth wall!" Pit said, summoning forth a giant wall with #4 spray-painted on it in white. The fourth wall quickly crumbled. Aw dang, my cover's blown!
"Hah! I knew it! This is another one of those fanfictions!" Pit exclaimed
The author massaged her forehead. "Ok, look Pit, I know you hate this, but I kind of need you to just go through with this without further damaging the fourth wall, ok?"
Pit sighed. "Fine, but I want everything on that list later."
In short, Pittoo eventually got Pit to help set up camp and played a few rounds of Light vs Dark with him on their 3DS's. A few minutes after midnight, Pit fell asleep, but Pittoo was still wide awake. This gave him plenty of time to think of why Palutena would forget about them. There were plenty of reasons, one being: SHE'S THE GODDESS OF LIGHT! It only makes sense she doesn't have a lot of spare time. Pittoo didn't have time to ponder this further, as some nearby bushes rustled. He was instantly on his feet, knives in hand, ready to face whatever came out. Dramatic silence ensued for a few seconds. A clown suddenly jumped out, throwing confetti and shouting.
"Happy, happy, birthday, from Applebees to you! We wish it was our birthday, so we could party too! Yay!" The clown paused in a ridiculous pose.
Dark Pit blinked. He blinked again. There was a long moment of awkward silence.
"Um… ok then?" Dark Pit finally stated
"Here's your birthday present!" said the clown, handing him a wrapped box before waddling back into the bushes. Pittoo opened the box and found an eggplant. He raised an eyebrow. Who would wa- Dark Pit thought, before his thoughts were interrupted with the exclamation of "EVIL!" and a completely obliterated eggplant in front of a panting white angel. This caused Dark Pit to blink a few more times.
"…What just happened?" He finally asked
"Where's Lady Palutena?" Pit sobbed; "I miss her!" he then proceded to curl up into a ball.
"Didn't you have the Lightning Chariot?" Dark Pit asked, finally remembering Phos and Lux, and mentally slapping himself for not thinking of it sooner. Pit faceplanted.
"Duh, why didn't I think of that?" He asked, while whistling and calling the unicorns. Sure enough, after a few seconds, two familiar unicorns appeared pulling a chariot behind them. The only difference was that the unicorns both had red noses and fake antlers on. Also, the Lighting Chariot was painted like Santa's sleigh.
"See, even they're getting into the holiday spirit, Pittoo!"
"Stop calling me that!"
Thus the angels got into the chariot and returned to Skyworld. Palutena was confused when the doorbell rang. Who would be up at this hour? She sighed and went to answer the door, and saw two unhappy angels waiting outside.
"Where were you?!" Demanded Dark Pit
"Why did you forget about us?!" Demanded Pit in the same tone
Palutena blinked before sighing.
"Come inside and I'll show you." She said, holding the door open. The angels went inside, where they saw the chibi versions of themselves.
"What the-" started Dark Pit
"I thought that those were you two the whole time. I was working on something to turn you back. I didn't realize that you were still out there." Explained Palutena
"…Daddy?" asked Chibi Pit to older Pit, causing Pit to blink.
"What's wrong with him?" asked Dark Pit, "Pit can't be his dad. He doesn't even know where babies come from."
The author then decided that if the Chibis stayed, there would be more than one chapter. So she opened up a portal.
A portal opened in the middle of Palutena's kitchen, and an adult Pit and slightly older looking Viridi stepped out.
"Thank you for taking care of our children. They keep getting into so much trouble!" said adult Pit, as older Viridi took the Chibi angels. Adult Pit and Older Viridi stepped back through the portal, causing everyone else to blink a few times.
"What the hello just happened?" asked Pit, as he was too nice to properly swear.
"In the future… you and Viridi?" asked Dark Pit
"Remind me to keep an eye on you when you start looking like that, Pit." Said Palutena
"…Forget this ever happened?" asked Pit
"Yeah."
"Agreed."
So the next morning it was Christmas, and everyone was happy. Viridi, Phosphora, and Arlon also came over. Everyone came over, Pit got a few of his absurd list ideas, and Dark Pit got a few things he liked and didn't even know he wanted. Everyone had a clichéd Christmas and a happy end. However, the author doesn't like making clichéd endings, so she summoned eggplants there to torture Pit. Other than that however, everyone had a pretty good Christmas.
A/N: The End! Just kidding! I still have bonus scenes! Sorry it was late! I planned on finishing this on Christmas Eve, but I didn't know I would be visiting family that day.
It was the day after Christmas and Pit grinned. A bucket of snow slowly lifted above his brother's sleeping form. Pit snickered and dumped it out on his brother, and then ran away as fast as he could, while hearing him yelling. Psychokinesis was so awesome. Now some pranks that would have been impossible to do on Pittoo (and survive) were now possible! He mentally thanked Lady Palutena again. However, Dark Pit got payback when he gave Pit's phone away to Phosphora. Pit's sad puppy eyes had no effect on him, so he did whatever he wanted to get payback. He really liked his Adventure Quest account. He was already on a high level. Pit got one too, but Dark Pit always managed to beat him at it.
The author smiled. She knew it was a good idea to make this story. She quickly typed something into her computer, as she's had this idea ever since she typed "Psychokinesis" into the list.
As Pit used psychokinesis to throw snowballs at Dark Pit, Silver the Hedgehog appeared and punched Pit in the face.
"What was that for!"
"For ripping me off! Also for creating a paradox when you met your chibi self, but for ripping me off! I'm Sega's slowest Sonic Character, so psychokinesis and the ability to travel through time is the only thing I really have!"
"Sorry, but it is pretty awesome!" Pit said
"Besides, you're also remembered as the naïve hedgehog with the pot hair. Even though everyone knows it was actually based off a Japanese Maple Leaf, so you should really be called Japanese Maple Leaf Head instead of Pothead. But- It's a mouthful and no one wants to say it. Now you know why people call you Pothead." Said Dark Pit
"Why do people call me naïve?" asked Silver
Dark Pit facepalmed before impersonating Silver's voice.
"Hi! I'm Silver the Hedgehog! Some creep I just met told me to go back in time and kill someone I don't even know! This guy sounds totally legit!" Dark Pit mocked.
"Ok! Ok! I get it!" said Silver
The author figured that if she kept Silver here any longer, she would have to make this a crossover, so she warped him back.
Long bonus short, Pit and Dark Pit had a lot of fun with their gifts. The author figured that she could at least give Pit one gift.
She gave him a new sacred treasure.