AUTHOR'S NOTES:

So, last year I wrote a story, Learning to breathe, to write a few things I think were missing in the show about Alex and Jo. There's so much happening offscreen lately! I plan to do the same now. It will be like a series of one shots, probably one for each episode, but it's possible that I'll write more, depending on how the story goes onscreen because I want to keep it as close as possible to the show. This first chapter includes their last interaction on 10x13 and what I think should happen next.

It's Jolex centric, sometimes on her POV, sometimes on his, but you'll probably see a lot of other characters too, because I like to write their interactions with everyone.

For those who are reading my Jolex-Crowen story, Miles, chapter 9 is coming soon.

I hope you enjoy it! Reviews are always welcomed.

And I'm telling you I'm not going
You're the best man I'll ever know
There's no way I can ever go
(And I'm telling you I'm not going - Jennifer Hudson)

When Ben Warren called Jo and said that Webber had asked him to cover her patients for the night, she knew that the worst had happened. Jimmy was dead. There was no other possibility for her to be released from her duties before her shift ends. Without thinking twice or stopping for anything, she went all the way through Jimmy's bedroom. Only when she was a few feet away, she noticed that her eyes were wet. Taking a deep breath, she paused for a second, to put herself together again. Alex needed her and she had to be strong. She didn't want him to be worried about her tears, when he should be only concerned about the feelings that he was trying to hide.

She took the steps left, arrived at the door and what she saw broke her heart. There he was, the patient laying in bed with no signal of life and, sitting by his bedside, the son he'd hurt all life. Damn it, she wouldn't be able to hold her tears for too long.

Alex turned his head and looked at her. Even in the dark, she noticed that his hazel eyes were a little puffy and he looked tired. She then remembered the fight they had earlier that day. He probably was still thinking that she would leave him, just because she didn't want to get married right now. God knew how untrue was this idea! Alex also should know at this point of their relationship. But this wasn't the time to discuss his abandonment issues, it was time for her to be there. Slowly, she stepped inside the room and stood behind Alex's chair. She wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the rights words. What could someone say to the boyfriend who was grieving for the father for whom he had so mixed feelings like Alex has towards Jimmy? She had never lost someone to know how he was feeling right now. She never had someone to loose. She hoped that the simple gesture of touching his shoulder would do the job that her mouth couldn't.

Without looking back, Alex took Jo's hand and she felt again all the tears she was trying to avoid. She felt sad for Jimmy, losing his life when he was honestly trying to be a better man and fix things he'd messed. She was still mad at Shane and even a little guilty for not being there to stop him when he decided to open a patient on his own. But, most of all, it killed her to see Alex that way. If she could make one single wish at that moment, she would ask for him never had to feel that pain again - and she was sure that, if the roles were reversed, he would wish the same thing for her.

Jo wouldn't be able to say how much time they stayed like that, just staring at the bed. Then, Alex broke the silence.

"I lied to him," he said.

Coming from anybody else - herself included - this statement would be meaningless to Jo. But she knew how much Alex valued honesty and, still, he had broken his own moral code for the second time because of his father. With her free hand, she squeezed his, to encourage him to keep talking. He did.

"I said that Naomi and Nick were coming. And that they knew that he loved them. I don't even know if I believe this is true, but I couldn't tell him that she came and took the freaking guitar."

One more time, Jo could hear the true meaning of his words. He was struggling, trying to avoid his feelings and not knowing how much he could expose. Not knowing if he could admit to himself that he cared. But she was glad that he was opening himself to her, even though they had that misunderstanding about the engagement. Everybody who saw the beginning of their relationship could notice how much they had grown on that time. First they were friends, then they were lovers, and now they were also partners.

"You did the right thing," she said, sweetly. As if he was just waiting for her approval, he looked at her with a sad and quick smile at the corner of his mouth.

"Come here," Alex said, motioning for her to sit. She outlined his chair and took the recliner, bringing it closer to him. Then, she sat and looked again at her boyfriend, giving all her attention to anything he had to say. He, on the other hand, was still staring at his father. Since he didn't say anything, she said. "It's good that you were here when... when it happened."

"Nobody should die alone," he replied, without taking his eyes from Jimmy. A minute passed before he look at her again. He sighed. "We should go home, right? I guess I'll be the one dealing with his funeral or whatever."

"You can rest now. If you want, I can deal with everything," she said. He definitely should take a rest. She could count on her fingers how many times he went home in the last three weeks, even Yang was worried.

He shook his head and took her hand. "I just want you to be here."

"I'll be," she assured him, using not only her words, but also her eyes and her smile. He smiled too.

"I'm sorry for pushing you before," he said. Though the conversation itself had brought them to this point, Jo wasn't expecting this. She didn't know what to expect next as well.

"It's fine," she replied. "We can talk about this later."

"Okay," Alex said. "I just want you to know that I meant every word that I said." He sighed and looked at Jimmy before turn his eyes back to her. "It's not about him, it's about me. I am ready for this."

Jo opened her mouth without knowing what she should say. Was he confirming his proposal after she say she wasn't ready?

"I know for sure that I want to make you my wife and spend the rest of my life with you," he continued, apparently not noticing her confusion. "But I can wait. I will wait, because I want you to be sure too," he stopped for a second, staring directly into her eyes. "Just... don't run."

Only when Alex finished, lifting an eyebrow to her like expecting an answer, Jo noticed that she was holding her breath. She sighed in relief.

"I won't."