A/N: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling, at least, in regards to this fan fiction. This fic has not been looked over by my Beta, so i apologize for any errors in spelling, grammar, etc. This was written for Quelf: A Competition on the Harry Potter Fanfiction Forum. My prompt was 'a secret admirer Is revealed,' and it had to be within twenty words of 468 words. I managed to have exactly 468 words! This is a journal entry and I got a little bit carried away with italics, so, yeah. Enjoy!
A Reflection
June 18, 1979,
I spent six years telling him, my love, that I could never like him, never love him. I wish I had been quicker to understand my feelings, to recognize that he wasn't trying to hurt me. Trust, what a fragile thing. Once broken by someone, it isn't quite the same again. This happened to me not once, but twice; first Petunia, my caring, kind older sister and role model. And just a few years ago, Severus called me that hated word, I refuse to even think it.
If the child I carry is a daughter, I'll share my story with them, encourage them to accept true love when it comes to you, to rejoice in the fact that they have it. No matter the conditions, whether in war or peace they should stay by their true love. Merlin, I hope the war is over soon. I don't know how much more of this anyone could take, the waiting, the worry about whether you'll see your friends tomorrow, or in an hour! Whose funeral will we be attending next? Marlene's? Frank's?
I stop writing and let my journal fall to the floor with a thud. I need to be happier, being depressed wouldn't help anyone. I need to think about more than just the losses we were taking. I pick up my journal, there needed to be a first-hand account of the war, not just some Ministry-twisted account.
We, the Order of the Phoenix, are simply too few in number, a group of martyrs for a dying cause. The entire Wizarding population are acting like sheep, huddled in their homes, doing nothing. Its so infuriating! At least I have some company in our Headquarters. Alice Longbottom and I have been friends since our first year at Hogwarts. Honestly, why is the most prestigious school in magical Britain called Hogwarts? Over the years, Alice's friendship with me has strengthened. In First Year, we talked about how wonderful magic was, how new and exciting it was to us Muggleborns. In Second Year, we learned about the issues of being a Muggleborn and heard that hated, vile, sickening word for the first time. In Third Year, we talked about boys, and what we were learning in our electives. We were each taking two of the electives offered and studying the other electives' materials in our free time. I was taking Ancient Runes and Wizarding Culture. Alice was taking Care of Magical Creatures and Arithmancy. I also admitted my secret crush on James to Alice in that year. We spent most of the next years Hogwarts talking about James and her crush, Frank Longbottom. I just wish that we had admitted that we secretly admired them sooner, who knows how much time we will have left in these uncertain times.