Six degrees of separation
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
"What do you want from me? I'm working hard to run our business!"
"This stupid studio apartament, you mean?"
"Well it is not a studio apartament actually… And it's all we have left now anyway! You should appreciate it, instead of fiddle about with passing fancies we can't afford!"
"Ah, so the idea of moving into another place where we can have best chance to become rich and powerful is a silly one?"
"Success, richness, power…" – rolling eyes and sarcastic laugh – "You can perfectly go if you want, but you will go alone!"
Widened eyes, silence and then a defying smile. "Oh, don't worry about that, darling. I will!"
Less than five minutes later, the sound of the heels on the floor was heard, immediately followed by the one of the slammed door. Ursula slowly stood up from the couch, but didn't make any attempt to go after her; she headed instead to their bedroom where she could ascertain with a hint of relief that, despite a general mess, nothing seemed to be missing. It was only at a second, more careful, look that she noted the lack of the fur and the precious diamond parure, and it was only then that a surge of despair filled her heart.
Cruella was really gone.
What's gonna kill you is the second part
They had been happy, hadn't they? Of course, starting over a new life in a new world hadn't been easy and the odds hadn't always been in their favor, but during that single year spent together, they had learned to settle in and maybe they had been happy more than in any other period of their lives. Yes, they had been happy and the photos taken at an authomatic machine, witnesses of sincere smiles and passionate kisses, were a proof of that.
Ursula looked at that photos once again and then let them fall on the table, letting herself go to an unusual desperate crying. What was left of that happiness now? Cruella had left her and she was the one to have allowed her to. It was only two days since then, but the sea witch could feel very well the weight of that distance, the weight of loss and loneliness. She kept on crying for a while, until her look, even if blurred by tears, fell on the cupboard in front of her.
Actually, there was something Cruella forgot in her improvised escape. The bottle of gin.
A bitter smile appeared on Ursula's lips. She drank it all in about a half hour.
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
Closed at home, watching sob movies in black and white, with the only company of extra packs of ice cream and bottles of alcohol: that's the summary of almost two weeks in Ursula's life – but to call it life would have been too much, after all. She had been dressed with that awful green pijama all that time, she didn't care about taking a shower and the smell of gin was now basically stuck on her. Was it maybe a way to pretend Cruella was still near? Well, in that case, it didn't seem to work much.
She called her sometimes but didn't receive any answer, if not her annoyed and annoying voice on the answering service. Sometimes she called only to hear that, actually, and if the phone rang instead, she hung up then.
Even Cruella called, less times but she did. Only that Ursula had been too drunk or too afraid to answer.
Funny. Maybe it wasn't fate, maybe for them it never was.
She waited until the four hours of Gone with the wind ended, before turning on the phone again after the truce she had given to herself.
10 missing calls: none of Cruella, all from the aquarium where she worked.
She sighed heavily, then dialed the number even if it was already after ten o'clock. It was time to take her life back.
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
She had started again to take a shower everyday, she cleaned the house of all the empty bottles and returned regularly to work. At three weeks since Cruella's departure, Ursula was starting to believe that she was doing just fine. Well, she had a house, a job, and her fishes, what could she possibly want more? A happy ending perhaps, but that was a thing she couldn't even think about at that moment.
In the meanwhile she was fine; she wasn't feeling fine, but she was fine.
"I'm glad to see you again among us, Ursula!" the director of the aquarium said with a vaguely mischievous smile, passing her by during a day at work.
It wasn't difficult to see that the middle-aged and not very attractive man had a weakness for her, but unluckily for him he could have never been in her tastes. In any sense.
"And I am glad to be back, Roger!" she replied, forcing an enthusiasm she didn't really feel.
"Perfect… I've been worried about your long absence and I can't be anything but happy to know that your sick-leave is over"
Sick-leave: that's the excuse she had used to let herself go to gin and desperation.
She slightly nodded and made a weak smile. "Yeah, the disease is gone now."
But certain ones actually never disappear and keep on consuming you everyday.
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
"The rich businessman Lars Feinberg, one of the most desired bachelors in American and maybe even in the world, seems to finally be about to get married. This news comes directly from the man's mouth and, as if words weren't enough, there is also the proof of the flashy shining diamond on the lucky woman's finger. Who is she? A perfect stranger in the golden world – that's how many would dare to call her – but without any doubt, she is a very elegant and fascinating woman. Her name is Cruella De Vil…"
Cruella De Vil… Cruella De Vil… That well-known name echoed in Ursula's mind for some seconds before the real meaning of everything she had just read became terribly clear. She closed in a twitch the gossip magazine and almost throw it away as if she had been burned. She didn't know if to feel more angry or depressed by the news, but in the meanwhile it was disappointment the most predominant feeling. Less than two months: was that little time really enough for Cruella to forget about her? Of course, she was marrying that Lars Feinberg for money and not out of love, but that fact was somehow bothering her even more.
"Is everything okay, darling?"
She clearly jumped at the unexpected question, but most of all hearing the familiar epithet she hadn't heard in a long while. She looked up instinctively, even before realizing that the voice that had spoken had nothing of Cruella's refined accent. In fact, in front of her there was just Roger with an intrigued and also slightly worried expression on the face.
"Yes, I'm fine" she said and in that answer there was nor unexpressed anger nor fake self-confidence, but just an awful bitterness.
In the meanwhile that night, in honour of the happy couple, she drank another bottle.
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little
The bell rang like mad that Sunday morning and it revealed to be a sound even more terrible to Ursula's ears, after the drunk she allowed herself the previous night. A trace of irritation appeared on her face, while, forced to leave the cup of coffee at half, she started to make her way through the caos of the small living room.
"For the seven seas, I'm coming!" she exclaimed out loud, opening the door without even giving a look at the spy-hole.
But that lack of anticipation about the identity of the unexpected guest almost costed her a heart attack. With widened eyes and a hand on her mouth, she instinctively stepped back; probably she still was showing signs of the abuse of alcohol, since the scene in front of her surely must have been a cruel hallucination.
"Can I come in, darling? It's pretty cold outside…"
Ears confirmed eyes' perception and that darling this time wasn't a product of imagination. Cruella was really there, in front of her, with a hinted but also strangely embarassed smile on the lips, and the unseparable fur on, of course. And she was saying to be cold, then!
The sea witch didn't answer at first, keeping on stare at her instead. She was still afraid to find out that it was all a trick of her mind, or even worse to finally open up her eyes to the fact that it was all too much concrete. What would she have done if Cruella had told her to be back to stay? And if she had showed herself to be regretful, would she have canceled and forgive those two months, betrayment included? In any case, judding by the big suitcase at the woman's feet, those "what if" weren't that much hypothetical after all.
"Ursula, I'm sorry… I screwed it all" Cruella continued, in a tone completely serious tone now, which betrayed a sort of shame of herself. "I've driven all night to come here… This studio apartament is awful – and let me tell you that you didn't do a great job keeping it clean – and I don't like living in poverty… But that's where I want to be, here with you"
The confession that came out her mouth so hardly, made escape a heartbeat to the other woman and also almost immediately vanish her doubts. Truth be told, it hadn't been totally Cruella's fault; she left of course, but it was Ursula the one to let her go.
Ms De Vil was sorry and ashamed, but all was joined with a strong hope; she looked like not being worried at all about the chance that Ursula could slam the door in her face and not even Ursula really thought about that, after all. Not after having heard her, words, not after having looked her in the eyes.
"You still have that Feinberg's ring, though…" the sea witch objected anyway, keeping some reserve and pointing with her eyes at the shining diamond on the other woman's ring-finger.
Cruella followed the direction of that look and when also her eyes fell on the jewel, she openly smiled. "Of course, darling. Have you idea of how much is this diamond worth? Selling it, I could buy you a real huge aquarium!"
Ursula chuckled, but strangely also tears started to form in her eyes. Maybe Cruella would have never really trade a diamond for an aqurium, but honestly she didn't care at all.
She had had second thoughts, she had come back, she had chosen her. Between richness and love, she chose love.
That was the important thing. For a person like Cruella, that meant everything.
Without answering with words, the sea witch hesitated only some other seconds, before gently grabbing the other woman's arm to attract her to herself, starting suddenly an almost aggressive kiss. And that aggressiveness showed the force of bitter anger, of loss, of separation. But as their kiss turned into a sweet one and they started to make their way to their bedroom, Ursula understood that that single kiss was worth all the degrees of separation she had been trough.
And also that separation not always means closure.
Oh no there's no starting over
without finding closure
you take them back no hesitation
that's how you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation
I know it's pretty angst, but I saved it all with the fluff ending, didn't I? Hope you liked this song-fic, I'd like to know what you think about it :)
By the way, I'm leaving for holidays, so I wish you all a happy Easter; besides I'm planning to keep writing while in the peace of the mountain environment... LoL See you soon then :)