A/N: I giggled so much as I wrote this. ETA for clarity bc my brain made sense and this didn't. Thanks, April.
Midnight held the piece of paper between his fingers as far away from his body as he could. His mouth curling in disgust, he thrusts it toward Cobra. "Here, it's for you."
One eyebrow raised, surprised and a little disgusted himself. "There is no way in hell someone would be sending me a letter, much less a glittery, perfumed one. They must've misaddressed it or something. Slap Return to Sender on it and we'll dump it in the next town."
A slim hand snatched the envelope out of the air before it could change hands.
"It's a wedding invitation," Meredy said slowly, because of course the nosy ass little brat was the culprit, eyes flicking over the paper. Her face changed to a look of shock and vague horror. She silently passed it over to Jellal, a forceful block slamming down over her thoughts.
Cobra paused, twisting slightly on his rock to peer at her. From the look on Pinky's face, he would naturally assume either the demonic redhead or Meredy's watery friend was the lucky (or not so much) woman. But if it was Erza getting married, Jellal would've completely flipped his shit, Metor-ed to Fairy Tail, broke up the wedding, and used Sema to pound the unlucky groom's ass into the ground, then run off with Erza like everyone expected them to have done already.
But for Meredy to react like that? It wasn't Erza or Ju-whatshername. Some other unlucky chick was getting married. Though why it involved him, he had no idea.
Angel called from the other side of the clearing, where Midnight had settled himself in a disapproving huff and promptly fallen asleep. "So who's getting married and why did Cobra of all people get an invitation, oh great leader?"
"Well…" Jellal hesitated, actually hesitated. This sudden guild-wide effort to keep him in the dark was getting really annoying, really fast.
"You know I could just read your soul and figure out what you're trying to keep from me, right?" Cobra said in his blandest voice.
"Fine. Lucy Heartfilia is getting married to…Lord Macullen Vanderblat?…in a week and you're invited. Well, all of us are invited but it mentions you specifically."
"What."
"Uh, Jellal, I think you broke him."
"Seven years in prison and this is what breaks him? A former enemy getting married?"
"Seven years in prison and how many years as a dark guild member? Guess the this is the straw that breaks the camel's back."
"Hey…where'd Cobra go?"
Years later, much to the amusement of the original Fairy Tail members and the former Crime Sorciere, they would regale the younger generation with the story of Lucy Heartfilia's failed wedding and its enraged crasher.
The damage to Kardia Cathedral had been extensive and only just been repaired, ten years later. "That," Mirajane would say to the wide-eyed guild children with a gleeful look on her face, "Is what happens when a furious Dragon Slayer smashes through the stained glass window, kidnaps the bride in front of half of the Light Guilds of Fiore, and escapes the way he came because everyone was too stunned to stop him and Jellal just laughed and laughed. We found out later that he and Lucy eloped to Sin and came back a month later, suntan and happily married." The kids are suitably impressed and awestruck by the daring of their Guildmaster's husband.
"Moral of the story? You should always send a wedding invitation to a half crazy Dragon Slayer like the bride says because that's who she actually wants to marry because they were having a secret affair no one knew about, not some stuffy nobleman who came out of nowhere. If there's not a wedding afterword, I'll eat my shoes."