FYI I haven't watched Family Feud in years so parts my not be completely correct and I was asked to have John O'Hurley be the host instead of Steve Harvey.
Keep It In The Family
"Hello everyone I'm John O'Hurley and this is Family Feud. Today we have two teams instead of families. To my left we have team Brittana which includes team leader Brittany Lopez-Pierce her wife Santana Lopez-Pierce, their coach Sue Sylvester, a teammate Becky Jackson and making his TV debut Lord Tubbington."
John looks down to see a cat and is in utter shock.
"You can't be serious." John gasps.
"Hey, grandpa! You might want to announce the other team instead of worrying about our team." Santana growls already not liking this host.
"Our other team is I Hate Brittana which includes team leader Quinn Fabray her girlfriend Rachel Berry, a school friend Mercedes Jones, Noah Puckerman and Kitty Wild."
"I'm Puck not Noah and I'm still single ladies." Puck says flexing his guns.
"Sanny I think Lord Tubbington is having stage fright." Brittany whispers glancing over at the cat.
"Don't worry Britt Britt he'll be fine once we start." Santana reassures her hoping the cat won't cause them to lose.
"Okay our first round is…..Santana and Quinn." John says waiting for the two girls to come down.
Santana smirks as she glares at Quinn who just glares back.
"Well I guess you two really hate each other okay the question is name something you need to make a banana split." John says.
Santana easily buzzes in first having had trained with Brittany before this.
"Bananas,"
"Show me bananas," John says pointing up to the board. "And the board says that's….number one, forty-four points so Santana pass or play?"
"Play," Santana easily says going back to her spot.
When Santana gets back to her spot Brittany kisses her and puts her hand on Santana's taut stomach.
"You're really hot right now." Brittany whispers in her ear.
"Okay so Brittany you're married to Santana here and that's your cat down there." John says standing next to her.
"Yep, I really wanted to come on this show so I'm having fun." Brittany says smiling.
"Okay so Brittany name something you need to make a banana split." John says inching away from Santana who is glaring at him.
"Chocolate," Brittany says a smile on her face.
"And the board says that's….number five worth three points." John says moving to the other side far away from the scary Latina.
The other team is glaring pissed that this is happening.
"We need to win the next face off." Kitty growls looking at Rachel.
"Don't put pressure on Rachel." Quinn quips at Kitty.
"I'm going against Brittany I think I might be able to win it." Rachel confidently says.
Brittany wraps her arms around Santana when she notices that she's glaring at the other team.
"What's wrong?" Brittany whispers.
"Their name is bugging me and they're planning something." Santana says still glaring across the way.
"So Sue you're their Cheerleading Coach." John says motioning to Santana and Brittany.
"Yes I'm also the coach of Quinn and Kitty. Now I'm going to give you some advice to save your life don't look at Brittany, Santana's been itching to hurt someone for staring at her wife for too long." Sue advises wanting the money more than to see Santana attack this host.
"Oh," John says moving farther away from Brittany. "Well Sue name-"
"Cherries," Sue says wanting to leave an easy one for Becky.
"And the board says that's….number four and worth four points." John says moving farther away from the scary Latina.
"Whipped Cream," Becky says not waiting for John to ask her anything.
"Um…..okay, the board says that's…number three and worth nine points." John says feeling the glare from Santana on his back.
"Good job Becky," Santana says high fiving her.
"Awe Sanny I told you bringing Becky and Coach would be a good idea." Brittany coos kissing Santana causing the audience to all say awe.
The camera zooms in on Brittany's hand that is on Santana's taut stomach rubbing circles as everyone looks down at Lord Tubbington.
"How are we going to get any answers out of him?" John asks looking around to see if anyone has an answer.
"I can't believe she actually got that fat ass cat on this show." Puck says shuttering as he remembers the time the cat attacked him.
"Maybe they'll be disqualified because of him." Quinn says hopeful.
"Whoa he's spelling something." Sue gasps.
Everyone is shocked even Santana who thought that the cat would just get them a strike every time. She never dreamed that he would actually do something, but didn't have the heart to tell her wife that.
"Ice cream?" John questions looking at the cat who nods. "Well…..I guess give us ice cream. Well cat you got thirty-nine points."
John moves over towards Santana, but stays as far away as he thinks is necessary.
"Good job LT," Santana says nodding at the cat.
"I swear that cat is possessed." Puck whispers and Quinn and Kitty nod in agreement.
"Okay Santana there's-"
"Nuts and if any come near my wife, LT and I are going to break some." Santana growls glaring around.
"Um…..and the board says…..it's worth two points." John says.
Santana wraps her arms around Brittany kissing her deeply.
"Well as we go onto round two team Brittana leads one hundred and one while team I Hate Brittana has zero still. Let's see if they can get anything going in round two." John says already ready for this show to be over the glares he's receiving from Santana are plain scary.
"Just do your best." Santana says kissing Brittany's cheek.
"Okay I need Brittany and Rachel here." John says thinking these are the least scary two.
"You can beat her babe!" Quinn shouts.
"Oh shut it Q your Hobbit can't beat my wife." Santana shouts.
"Will you two shut up!" Mercedes shouts tired of their fighting.
"This face off question is name a bad job for someone who's accident prone." John says just as Brittany buzzes in. "Okay Brittany what's your answer."
"Popo," Brittany says smirking as she glances back at a smirking Santana.
"Um….and the board says that's answer number three worth eleven points. Rachel if you can get a higher answer then you can steal." John says hoping that she gets it right so he doesn't have to go back over to the scary Latina.
"Professional driver?" Rachel questions.
"And the board says…..it's number one and worth thirty-three. So Rachel do you want to pass or play?" John says.
"We'll play," Rachel says much to Quinn's delight.
"Sorry Sanny," Brittany says pouting as she walks back over.
"It's okay baby you got a high answer that's all I care about." Santana softly says kissing her.
Sue rolls her eyes, but doesn't say anything as Brittany did get a high answer.
"Well here we have Ms. Mercedes Jones." John says smiling.
"That's right and before you ask I only agreed to join Quinn to help stop her and Santana from killing each other." Mercedes says glaring at first Quinn then Santana. "It's a full time duty of all of us sane glee clubbers."
"Well maybe you can protect me from Santana." John whispers before getting on with the show. "So Mercedes name a bad job for someone who's accident prone."
"Construction worker?" Mercedes timidly says.
"And the board says…..that's number two and worth twenty points." John says smiling.
"We're going to win this round." Quinn says smirking across at Santana.
"Babe stop antagonizing Santana it's only a matter of time before Brittany gets tired of holding Santana back and lets her loose." Rachel scolds.
"But,"
"No,"
"So Puck you're a self-proclaimed ladies man." John says thinking that he might actually be since he is the only man.
"Yep and I'm still single ladies." Puck says winking at the camera.
"Okay well name a bad job for someone who's accident prone." John says.
"Um….hold on….the guy that washing skyscraper windows." Puck says hoping that he's right or Quinn will kill him.
"And the board says….that's number six and worth seven points." John says smiling at Puck as he lets out a deep sigh.
Lord Tubbington had moved from his spot into Sue's lap who in turn was petting him. She surprisingly actually liked this cat he was a badass and ate the junk food so her Cheerios couldn't.
"Yo old dude my answer is someone who works with glass." Kitty says not wanting to deal with this idiot.
"Okay not talkative, the board says…..that's number five and worth nine points." John says thinking this girl is just as scary as the Latina.
"Rachel I can't think of one." Quinn whispers getting nervous.
"Quinn you can do this." Rachel calmly says.
"Sanny Lord Tubbington made a new friend." Brittany says pulling on her arm and pointing at Sue.
"That's it LT is coming to practice with us from now on." Santana says.
Quinn is sweating bullets as she tries to think of an answer.
"Quinn you have five seconds left." John warns.
"Dog trainer?" Quinn says the first thing that comes to her mind.
"And the board says….no." John says as an X appears on the board.
Santana's smile grows at the fact that Quinn was wrong though it might also have something to do with the fact that Brittany had her hand down her pants.
"Britt,"
"Shush and just enjoy this."
"John this is very hard, but I'm going to have to go with a….food worker." Rachel says remembering her two days working at McDonalds.
"And the board says….it's number four and worth ten points. Team I Hate Brittana wins round two." John says. "You have ninety points to team Brittana's one hundred and one. This looks to be a close game and after we come back from break its double points."
"God are they seriously having sex over there?" Mercedes gasps as Brittany knocks Santana over.
"At least it's a commercial break." Rachel points out.
"Will you two knock off your lesbian tendencies you're scaring poor LT and Becky." Sue orders.
"Sorry coach," Santana sheepishly says standing up with Brittany's help.
Brittany starts fusing over Santana making sure she has everything that she could need. Normally Santana wouldn't let her wife make such a fuss, but with the fact that she's pregnant she's letting her wife do whatever she wants.
"Something's up with those two." Mercedes says looking at her teammates.
"Well yeah they're always making out." Kitty grumbles.
"No Mercedes is right Santana never lets Brittany dote on her like that." Quinn says looking over at her two friends.
Becky doesn't like how everyone on the other team is staring at them.
"Coach why are they staring at us?" Becky asks leaning into ask Sue.
"Yo, Q, Q wannabe stop staring at us." Sue shouts.
"What's-"
Just then a five second call shuts them all up as they're about to come back from commercial break.
"Hello everyone and welcome back to Family Feud. Team Brittana is leading team I Hate Brittana one hundred and one to ninety. Our third round face off is between Coach Sue and Kitty and this round is worth double point. So ladies will you please come down." John says smiling refreshed and ready to deal with these teens.
"You don't stand a chance against my superior intelligence." Sue growls as they glare at each other.
"Name something a king would hate to be without." John says deciding not to say anything about how these two seem to dislike each other.
Sue buzzed in first not even needing to think of an answer as Madonna had already given her the answer that would be number one.
"A queen," Sue says a smug look on her face.
"And the board says….that's the number one answer and worth thirty six points." John says not looking forward to having to deal with the scary Latina again and her blonde wife.
"Mr. Scaredy man I have my answer." Becky shouts waving him over.
"God why'd I agree to come back?" John questions himself.
"Okay Becky name something-"
"Servants!" Becky shouts looking up at Sue to see if she got it right.
Sue gives her thumbs up and even Santana is impressed that she came up with a good answer.
"And the board says….that's number four and worth seven points." John says smiling at the girl.
"Good job Becky," Sue says smiling as Lord Tubbington starts to spell out his answer.
Santana bumps into Brittany to get her attention.
"What honey?" Brittany asks taking her hand and lacing their fingers together.
"You were right Becky is way better than Puck." Santana says kissing her cheek.
"Of course I'm right though since you have our little bean in there we'll let you be right." Brittany says putting her hand on Santana's still flat belly.
Santana snuggles into Brittany not even caring that they are on a show and she's ruining her image as a badass.
"Does that say army?" John asks and the cat nods. "Well…I'm just going to move over here."
"Aren't you going to ask the board?" both Becky and Brittany ask.
"And the board says….it's number six and worth two points." John says looking at the cat warily.
"Yo grandpa my answer is a fucking crown bitch." Santana says smirking as John stays far away from Santana looking at the ground.
"That's a good one Sanny." Brittany softly says.
"And the board says….it's number two and worth thirty-two points." John says still staring at the ground.
Across the way Rachel, Mercedes and Puck are all trying to keep Quinn and Kitty calm. Both are pissed about the fucking cat that's somehow answering questions. Quinn thinks that Santana is cheating somehow, but can't figure out how.
"Okay Brittany name something a king would hate to be without." John says still not looking up deciding that it would be safer like this.
"Um…..well if I were a king actually I'd be a queen so I'm not sure what a guy couldn't live without, but Sanny would want jewels." Brittany rambles.
"Babe I think he wants your answer." Santana whispers.
"Oh yeah jewels," Brittany says.
"And the board says…..it's number five and worth five points." John says looking over at Sue.
"Q, Q wannabe this is how you finish a round!" Sue shouts over at them. "Thrown old man." she says.
John shakes his head starting to think that none of these people are sane.
"And the board says…..it's number three and worth nine points." John says glad that's there's only one round left. "After three rounds team Brittana is still is the lead with two hundred and eighty-three points. Team I Hate Brittana has ninety points and needs to win this round to win."
"You can do this Becky." Santana whispers.
"Round four is worth triple points and this face off I need Becky and Puck." John says not sure what side he wants to win anymore.
"Going down skunk hair boy." Becky sneers earning a thumbs up from both Sue and Santana.
"Sanny it's so sweet that you're being nice to Becky." Brittany coos and Santana smirks knowing she's so getting some later.
"Only for you." Santana whispers.
"Name someone you might call if you need advice." John says.
Puck buzzes first surprising everyone.
"A friend," Puck says hoping he doesn't fuck this up or Quinn's going to fuck him up.
"And the board says….that's number one answer and worth forty-three points." John says. "Do you want to pass or play?"
"Play?" Puck says looking back at Quinn.
"Don't worry Becky they all look worried." Sue says glaring at Santana daring her to say something.
Brittany wraps her arms around Santana sliding her hands under her shirt to grope her boobs. It calms Santana enough that she leaned back into Brittany closing her eyes.
"I'm going to say my mom old man." Kitty shouts to get John's attention.
"And the board says…..that's the number two answer and worth thirty-five points." John says ignoring the old man comment.
"Rachel I can't think of anything." Quinn whispers folding under the pressure of having Santana, Becky, Sue and most disturbing Lord Tubbington staring at her.
"So Quinn name someone you might call if you need advice." John says to the blank faced girl.
"Um….a teacher?" Quinn asks.
"And the board says…no," John says turning to Rachel. "Name someone-"
"My dads," Rachel easily says.
"Really no one goes to their dad." Santana whispers to Brittany.
"Well she only has dads." Brittany points out.
"Can't you just let me rant about Rachel's stupidity once?" Santana asks.
"No,"
"And the board says….no that's two strikes one more and team Brittana will have a chance to steal." John says grimacing at the fact that he'll have to talk to the scary Latina.
"Q looks like she's about to blow a gasket." Santana laughs.
"Mercedes, name someone you might call if you need advice." John says surprised he's managed to say it three times in a row without being interrupted.
"A priest," Mercedes says hoping she's right.
"And the board says….that's number five and worth seven points." John says moving to Puck.
"Dude this is so hard, but I'm going to have to say a brother man." Puck says.
Santana smirks as she's noticed that male family members aren't who was voted on.
"And the board says…no." John says grimacing.
"We should say sister." Santana whispers as they huddle up.
"I agree Sandbags," Sue says slapping her back.
"Team Brittana you have a chance to steal the points and go to the Fast Money round." John says.
"Sister," Santana says.
"And the board says…..that's number three and worth twenty points." John says closing his eyes and praying.
"Wes goin' to the moneyz." Santana shouts leaping into Brittany's arms.
"Team Brittana will be playing for twenty grand when we come back from commercial break." John says.
"Bye bye Q always second best." Santana teases as they leave.
"Sanny be nice." Brittany whispers.
"So who should we have answer the questions?" Sue asks.
They all look around at each trying to decide who would be best. None of them thought of Lord Tubbington should as he couldn't talk.
"And we're back from commercial break. Team Brittana has made it to the Fast Money round where they have a chance at twenty grand. Two players will answer the same questions and if combined they get two hundred point the team wins twenty grand." John says.
Brittany and Santana step forward holding hands as Sue had pointed out that they were the least likely to say the same answers.
"Okay Brittany you'll answer first." John says as Santana is taken back stage. "You have twenty seconds to answer these questions." he says and Brittany nods. "Something you'd find in an office."
"Chair,"
"Name the best way to get laid on the first date."
"Tell them you want sex."
"What item would you find in a woman's purse?"
"Tampon,"
"The most common thing at Disneyland."
"Joy,"
"Name a type of cat."
"Tiger,"
"Okay let's see how you did."
Chair – 20
Want Sex – 3
Tampon – 34
Joy – 51
Tiger – 1
"Okay Santana you can come out now. If you get the same answer then you don't get points. Brittany got one hundred and nine points so all you need is ninety-one to win twenty grand."
"Way to go babe! I always knew you were a genius." Santana says smiling at her wife.
"So are you ready?" John asks.
"Yes,"
"Something you'd find in an office."
"Desk,"
"Name the best way to get laid on the first date."
"Have a few non-dates first."
"What item would you find in a woman's purse?"
"Lip gloss,"
"The most common thing at Disneyland."
"Annoying kids,"
"Name a type of cat."
"House cat,"
Santana gets up and wraps around Brittany who had come out now waiting for the answers.
"Let's see the results."
Desk – 22
Non-Dates – 13
Lip Gloss – 5
Kids – 19
House cat – 47
"With two hundred and fifteen points team Brittana wins twenty grand." John says.
"I love you so much Sanny!" Brittany shouts.
"Praise Madonna!" Sue shouts.
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"Okay seriously how did none of you think of sister?" Kurt asks shaking his head at Quinn, Rachel and Puck.
"The better question is have you been putting on weight Santana?" Mercedes asks looking over at Brittany and Santana.
"Shut up Aretha you've put on weight." Santana growls.
"Sanny be nice," Brittany softly says.
"Yeah Britt you've been extra protective of San these last two months." Quinn points out.
"Can we tell them?" Brittany asks Santana.
"I guess, but only cause Boy Chang looks like he's going to explode if we don't." Santana says as Mike had seen them at the doctor and knew about their little bean.
"We're pregnant!"
Everyone in glee stares at them jaws hung open in shock. This is not what they expected.
So I finally finished this piece...thank god. I'm working on a few other stories, but I do have plans to write the next one Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader hopefully by the end of April along with Are You The One (new MTV show) and The Price Is Right.