Angela remained frozen as Tony went to answer the door to let in the rest of his study group. Time stood still and yet at the same time it felt like she was going 100 miles per hour. Her hands started to shake and she felt her eyes filling with tears. She had to get out of there. She had to go somewhere private. She took a couple of deep breaths and walked over to the kitchen door and swung it open. As much as she didn't want to look at the 2 of them she couldn''t seem to help herself. It was like looking at a bad car accident or watching the scariest part of a horror movie. Kathleen was looking at him with such adoration that it was making her sick. She had to get out of there and fast.
She greeted the rest of Tony's classmates and walked to her study with what she hoped was class and dignity. She reached the door after what seemed like days but in reality was only turned the knob and slipped inside just as the tears started to fall. She fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around her chest while her body shook with fear, sorrow, and regret. Finally the tears subsided and she got off the floor and went to her desk to get some kleenex. She threw away the tear-stained kleenex and sat down at her desk to think about where they go from here.
She was confused. She was hurt. She was angry. Why had he done this? How could he have done this? What about their talk in Jamaica? Was that all just one big lie? How could he have just erased her from his mind? From his thoughts? From his heart? Why her? Why Kathleen? She began to feel sick and told herself to take some deep breaths. "Breathe just breathe." she told herself. She felt like such a fool. She thought they were building something. That they were heading towards a romantic relationship. She was a fool. A damn fool. They weren't heading towards anything. It was all in her mind. It had to be. Last night confirmed it. There wasn't anything between them romantically. At least not from him. But from her there was. That is why her heart was breaking.
She heard female laughter from the living room and knew immediately who it is was.
"Oh Tony, you're so funny!" Kathleen giggled.
Angela put her hands over her ears. "Stop! Please stop giggling!" she screamed silently.
Her heart ached. Her body was in pain. Her soul was crushed. She felt all alone.
*You have to let him go.*
"Who said that?" she looked around in confusion.
*You have to let him go.*
"But, I love him" she argued.
*This is something he needs right now.*
"But why? Why her?!"
"I wish I could tell you. Maybe he is scared. Maybe he isn't ready to love you yet. Or maybe he is but is scared to admit it and is hiding behind this other woman.*
"But what if I let him go and he doesn't come back?"
*Then you'll know that the two of you weren't meant to be together.*
"But we are. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my soul."
*But Tony doesn't. Not yet or maybe he does and is just scared.*
"This is going to be so hard."
*Of course it is. Nothing worth having is ever easy. But you'll get through it.*
"I will?!"
*Of course you will. You're strong.*
"Okay, I'll do it."
*That's my girl. Just remember you both need to go through this to see if you can go any further.*
Time passed as Angela thought about how different things would now be between them. She had no idea how long she sat there. Minutes. Hours. Time stood still and yet at the same time it felt like it had flown by when there was a knock at her door.
Angela was startled out of her thoughts. She knew who it was and what was about to come. She was scared. But she was ready.
"We'll get through this." she silently said to herself.
"Come in!"