The Debate
Disclaimer: It belongs to George. Read. It's funny.
Welcome, ladies and gentlebeings, to the first Presidential debate of this election! We gather here to hear the candidates speak about the political issues before the election due to the untimely death of Mon Mothma. Our candidates this evening are:
At the head of the polls is Leia Organa Solo, Councilor of the New Republic, Wife of Han Solo, Sister of Luke Skywalker, and mother of twins. Her work for the Rebellion and the New Republic is well known and we welcome her this evening.
Following her is Borsk Fey'lya, another New Republic Councilor. He was a spy during the Rebellion and stepped up to become the Bothan representative to the New Republic. We welcome him also.
Last in the polls tonight, though certainly not least, is Grand Admiral Thrawn, the Supreme Leader of the Imperial Forces. He is the last living Grand Admiral and we welcome him as well.
If I may begin, here's a question from an audience member.... "Do you think art is important to the galaxy?"
Thrawn: Yes, of course! You can tell a great deal about a culture from their art. It's most valuable to me in my military planning...
Fey'lya: I request a seating change. I am NOT sitting next to that crazy smurf for this whole debate.
Leia: Let's keep in mind, Councilor Fey'lya, he has just as much a right to speak as you do.
Fey'lya: He's an Imperial! You have Imperial loyalties! Treason!
Leia: It's going to be a long debate.
Back to the question at hand...
Leia: Of course. Art is valuable to every planet's unique culture, and it should certainly be appreciated. I don't see it as a military tool myself. Councilor Fey'lya?
Fey'lya: It's beneath my notice.
Right then. On to the next question, this one from a member of the New Republic Military... "What do you see as the role of the military in the government?"
Leia: I think the New Republic has done an admirable job of managing the military. They are definitely a needed part of our government, and they will be until peace is restored to the galaxy. Under my government, the funding for the military would remain the same, although improvements and ideas are welcomed.
Fey'lya ::sigh:: Let me explain something to you, Councilor. The military is useful only as a tool for me to extend my influence. I believe I've said enough?
Leia: Yes, Councilor, you've said enough.
Thrawn: The military is valuable to me in order to conquer... er, assist... the people of this galaxy. So long as its members are competent, I think we should let it grow in power.
Moving on now... Here's a question from a prominent person in the galaxy, Jedi Luke Skywalker... "How do you feel about the Jedi Order?"
Fey'lya: Skywalker?? You were supposed to die on the Katana with Solo!
Thrawn: On the Katana? C'Boath said he could handle you!
Leia: Back to the question. I feel that the Jedi Order was a great help to the Old Republic and that as the New Republic becomes better established, the Jedi should also re-establish themselves. Gentlemen?? Anything to say?
Thrawn: I will get you to C'Boath, Organa Solo. Don't think I won't.
Leia: I was referring to the question.
Thrawn: Oh, yes... Well I have no objection to working with the Jedi, I promise you that.
Fey'lya: I don't have anything to say.
Leia: Somebody write down the date!
Fey'lya: Oh shut up.
Thrawn: I think you're hiding something, Councilor Fey'lya.
Fey'lya: I have morals.
Leia: I'm sure.
Luke: Well, do you think the council should be reinstated?
Fey'lya: NO!
Leia: Why so adamant, Councilor?
Fey'lya: Well... the council didn't do the Jedi any good before, did it? I think they should be left to their own devises.
Thrawn: Jedi can be quite useful...
Leia: I was thinking Bothawui would be a good spot for a Jedi Academy...
Fey'lya: I don't think the Combined Clans will want Jedi there to scrutinize their financial... er, their everyday lives. People are suspicious of us enough already. With Jedi around, they'll think we're being watched...
Leia: People will think you're being watched, or you're afraid of being watched?
Fey'lya:: ears flatten:: None of your business!
Here's another question from Han Solo, another important person... "What's your opinion on equal rights for everyone?"
Thrawn: I'm all for equal rights, being an alien myself.
Leia: I'm absolutely for it. We need to be able to work together, and the only way to do that is if we see each other as equals. Isn't that so, Councilor Fey'lya?
Fey'lya: Being a Bothan, and often looked down upon, I can truly tell you that equal rights for all are a major concern to me.
Han: Well what about your little run in with Admiral Ackbar?
Fey'lya: Would you shut up about that? I thought your female was the diplomat of the family?
Leia: Alright then, Councilor, I'll ask. What about your little run-in with Ackbar?
Fey'lya: No one cares if their enemies die. And all those that are not on my side are my enemies. ::Pause:: That goes for you too, Councilor Organa Solo.
Leia: Are you threatening a mother?
Fey'lya: No one cares if their enemies...
Thrawn: We heard, Fey'lya.
Fey'lya ::sniffle:: Why doesn't anyone like me?
Moving on... Here's a question from Mara Jade, a trader... "What do you think should happen to Imperials and former Imperials?"
Fey'lya: No one cares if their enemies die.
Leia: Not this again.
Thrawn: Imperials should be left to their own devices. That way they can regroup and... I mean, that way then can deal with their personal emotions before becoming active members of society again. Former Imperials should die for treason.
Leia: I think we have to treat them with a certain respect. They're people too. They should be able to join the New Republic at any time, but they shouldn't be forced to. Peace with the Empire will come with time.
And you, Councilor Fey'lya? What do you think?
Fey'lya: They don't vote so I don't care.
Okay... How do you feel about women in the workplace?
Thrawn: If they're competent, then it's acceptable.
Fey'lya ::glances at Leia:: Well in my culture we don't let our females work.
Leia: Oh really?
Fey'lya: Well they can work, but we don't let them get involved in politics.
Leia: And why not?
Fey'lya: It's bad for them. They get conceited and start trying to run the galaxy.
Leia: Are you suggesting I'm conceited, Councilor? I think you're letting your personal interests and opinions interfere with your argument.
Fey'lya: Go feed your babies, female.
Leia: Why you furry...
Please, Candidates, let us get back to the debate! How do you feel about colonization?
Fey'lya: Well, my people have been involved in colonization for years. I myself was born on a colony world...
Thrawn::mutters:: Pity you didn't stay there....
Fey'lya: Excuse me, *I'm* talking.
Leia::sarcastically: Why, we didn't notice!
Fey'lya: Which only proves your stupidity. Back to my point, I feel that colonization can only be positive.
Thrawn: Colonies can be hard to defend militarily, but are also very useful.
Fey'lya: Ooh, the blue man's afraid to take a stand!
Leia::shakes head at the other two:: I would not consider colonization a major part of my policy. I think that we already have the necessary laws under the New Republic.
::yells for attention:: MOVING ON! Here's a question from a citizen who calls himself Darth Machiavelli... "How do you feel about the ends and the means?" (lol if you've read the Prince...)
Leia: How you get something accomplished is just as important as what gets accomplished. If you are going to go about accomplishing your goals in a way that is morally wrong, it doesn't matter what you accomplish.
Fey'lya: You all see, now, what happens when women get into politics? Clearly, as long as you keep your popularity and rise in power, it doesn't matter if you make a few "bad choices" here and there! You just have to hide it from the public!
Leia: I really wonder how you think you're going to get elected.
Fey'lya: Wouldn't you love to know?
And you, Grand Admiral Thrawn? What do you think?
Thrawn: If you have competent people under you, you can't help but get the ends you want. And you don't have to worry about how you got there.
How.... Interesting.... Let's continue with a question from another member of the audience... "I was wondering how the candidates feel about tax reform."
Thrawn::smile:: I think that there's certainly a need for some... changes in current taxes...
Fey'lya: I also see a need for changes.
Leia: Well, at least we can all agree on this. I think that a small tax cut is in order...
Fey'lya: A tax CUT? ::fur ripples in polite surprise:: If we were to have a small increase now, we could use the surplus to help planets that were having financial troubles....
Thrawn:: snort:: Perhaps Bothawui?
Fey'lya: *You* shut up, you blue freak. At least the beings of the galaxy have *heard* of Bothans!
Thrawn: Although I agree with a small tax increase, I feel that it would be wisest to use it for erm....military and scientific purposes, not so a group of furred beings can try to dominate the galaxy. Rather, my military should domin..... nevermind.
Fey'lya: No, *you* want clones in white armor to dominate the galaxy!
Leia:: is getting impatient:: SHUT UP!
I couldn't have said it better myself, Councilor Organa Solo. On to a new question... (Before the Italicized Person can continue, Jacen & Jaina run over to their mother.)
Jacen & Jaina: Mommy! ::they run over to cling to her::
Audience:: "awwws" and "how cutes"::
Fey'lya:: trying to make the best of it, picks up a diapered Jacen::
Jacen:: smiles:: Me do poopie.
Fey'lya:: drops Jacen as if he's on fire:: Charming.
::Jacen & Jaina giggle and run away::
::stops laughing finally:: On to the question, how do you feel about smuggling?
Fey'lya: Smugglers are scum! Dishonorable, filthy, they'll do anything for credits....
::General disapproval from audience::
Han:: mutters:: Slippery little fuzzball...
Karrde:: mutters:: Never get information from *me* again..
Fey'lya: I DIDN'T ASK YOU!
Thrawn: Certainly, smuggling should not be tolerated. Yet again, we can agree, Councilor Fey'lya.
Fey'lya: And I can say with conviction, even knowing that he agrees with me, I do not change my stand!
Leia: Back to the QUESTION, obviously smuggling is illegal. And although I agree that many smugglers are bad...
Han: HEY!
Leia: ... There are also many kindhearted and generous smugglers, such as those who give the New Republic information about missing fleets and help save princesses from battle stations....
Fey'lya:: mutters:: He's with you for the money!
Leia: If I'd like your opinion, I'll beat it out of your furry hide.
Fey'lya: Is that a threat?? Security!
Thrawn: No one's going to kill you, you stupid paranoid Bothan.
Fey'lya: NOW YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME! AAAH!
Leia: Someone get a sedative or a tranquilizer, please.
Erm... in the meantime, we'll return after a brief commercial...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you long for a galaxy where you can trust your government? A galaxy where you feel that you have a say?
Then vote Leia Organa Solo for Chief of State.
If she can handle Darth Vader for a father, a Jedi brother, Han Solo for a husband, and two children who reprogram their nanny droid, she can run your government.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you feel safe and secure under the Empire? Do you want to be sure that your family is well protected? Do you want a leader who understands your culture better than you do?
Choose a new leader for a new galaxy: Grand Admiral Thrawn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He's not afraid to take a stand, even if it's unpopular.
He's been loyal to the rebellion from the start.
His people die to bring you information.
Borsk Fey'lya.
Vote for someone who's not an Imperial, and not an Imperial's daughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome back! We have returned just in time to bring you one final question for the candidates. To conclude the evening, we ask: If you were not running in this election, who would you vote for and why?
Thrawn: Well, I must admit, if I were not part of this election, I would be voting for Councilor Organa Solo. She has certainly proven herself a worthy enemy, especially in her work with the Noghri, although I do not agree with her policies.
::Leia's Noghri guards are all hissing and such at Thrawn::
Leia: Khabarakh, Irkhaim, stop that. Thank you, Grand Admiral. I have to say myself, you would have my vote. Although we may not agree on policy, as you said, you are certainly an improvement over Palpatine or Vader...
Thrawn: Thank you. I think.
Fey'lya: Well, I would... HEY WAIT A MINUTE! ::glares at Leia:: You'd vote for him over me?
Leia: Well... I'm just not fond of Bothan politics...
Fey'lya: Well... well! I wouldn't vote for either of you! So there!! ::glares:: Stupid smurf over there, and YOU! ::snarls at Leia:: Dumb, short, ugly, snobby.....
Leia: Better dumb, short, and ugly than a big furry hypocrite.
Well that's all we have time for this evening. Thank you candidates and thank you for watching our debate. Please remember to get out there and vote on election day!
Disclaimer: It belongs to George. Read. It's funny.
Welcome, ladies and gentlebeings, to the first Presidential debate of this election! We gather here to hear the candidates speak about the political issues before the election due to the untimely death of Mon Mothma. Our candidates this evening are:
At the head of the polls is Leia Organa Solo, Councilor of the New Republic, Wife of Han Solo, Sister of Luke Skywalker, and mother of twins. Her work for the Rebellion and the New Republic is well known and we welcome her this evening.
Following her is Borsk Fey'lya, another New Republic Councilor. He was a spy during the Rebellion and stepped up to become the Bothan representative to the New Republic. We welcome him also.
Last in the polls tonight, though certainly not least, is Grand Admiral Thrawn, the Supreme Leader of the Imperial Forces. He is the last living Grand Admiral and we welcome him as well.
If I may begin, here's a question from an audience member.... "Do you think art is important to the galaxy?"
Thrawn: Yes, of course! You can tell a great deal about a culture from their art. It's most valuable to me in my military planning...
Fey'lya: I request a seating change. I am NOT sitting next to that crazy smurf for this whole debate.
Leia: Let's keep in mind, Councilor Fey'lya, he has just as much a right to speak as you do.
Fey'lya: He's an Imperial! You have Imperial loyalties! Treason!
Leia: It's going to be a long debate.
Back to the question at hand...
Leia: Of course. Art is valuable to every planet's unique culture, and it should certainly be appreciated. I don't see it as a military tool myself. Councilor Fey'lya?
Fey'lya: It's beneath my notice.
Right then. On to the next question, this one from a member of the New Republic Military... "What do you see as the role of the military in the government?"
Leia: I think the New Republic has done an admirable job of managing the military. They are definitely a needed part of our government, and they will be until peace is restored to the galaxy. Under my government, the funding for the military would remain the same, although improvements and ideas are welcomed.
Fey'lya ::sigh:: Let me explain something to you, Councilor. The military is useful only as a tool for me to extend my influence. I believe I've said enough?
Leia: Yes, Councilor, you've said enough.
Thrawn: The military is valuable to me in order to conquer... er, assist... the people of this galaxy. So long as its members are competent, I think we should let it grow in power.
Moving on now... Here's a question from a prominent person in the galaxy, Jedi Luke Skywalker... "How do you feel about the Jedi Order?"
Fey'lya: Skywalker?? You were supposed to die on the Katana with Solo!
Thrawn: On the Katana? C'Boath said he could handle you!
Leia: Back to the question. I feel that the Jedi Order was a great help to the Old Republic and that as the New Republic becomes better established, the Jedi should also re-establish themselves. Gentlemen?? Anything to say?
Thrawn: I will get you to C'Boath, Organa Solo. Don't think I won't.
Leia: I was referring to the question.
Thrawn: Oh, yes... Well I have no objection to working with the Jedi, I promise you that.
Fey'lya: I don't have anything to say.
Leia: Somebody write down the date!
Fey'lya: Oh shut up.
Thrawn: I think you're hiding something, Councilor Fey'lya.
Fey'lya: I have morals.
Leia: I'm sure.
Luke: Well, do you think the council should be reinstated?
Fey'lya: NO!
Leia: Why so adamant, Councilor?
Fey'lya: Well... the council didn't do the Jedi any good before, did it? I think they should be left to their own devises.
Thrawn: Jedi can be quite useful...
Leia: I was thinking Bothawui would be a good spot for a Jedi Academy...
Fey'lya: I don't think the Combined Clans will want Jedi there to scrutinize their financial... er, their everyday lives. People are suspicious of us enough already. With Jedi around, they'll think we're being watched...
Leia: People will think you're being watched, or you're afraid of being watched?
Fey'lya:: ears flatten:: None of your business!
Here's another question from Han Solo, another important person... "What's your opinion on equal rights for everyone?"
Thrawn: I'm all for equal rights, being an alien myself.
Leia: I'm absolutely for it. We need to be able to work together, and the only way to do that is if we see each other as equals. Isn't that so, Councilor Fey'lya?
Fey'lya: Being a Bothan, and often looked down upon, I can truly tell you that equal rights for all are a major concern to me.
Han: Well what about your little run in with Admiral Ackbar?
Fey'lya: Would you shut up about that? I thought your female was the diplomat of the family?
Leia: Alright then, Councilor, I'll ask. What about your little run-in with Ackbar?
Fey'lya: No one cares if their enemies die. And all those that are not on my side are my enemies. ::Pause:: That goes for you too, Councilor Organa Solo.
Leia: Are you threatening a mother?
Fey'lya: No one cares if their enemies...
Thrawn: We heard, Fey'lya.
Fey'lya ::sniffle:: Why doesn't anyone like me?
Moving on... Here's a question from Mara Jade, a trader... "What do you think should happen to Imperials and former Imperials?"
Fey'lya: No one cares if their enemies die.
Leia: Not this again.
Thrawn: Imperials should be left to their own devices. That way they can regroup and... I mean, that way then can deal with their personal emotions before becoming active members of society again. Former Imperials should die for treason.
Leia: I think we have to treat them with a certain respect. They're people too. They should be able to join the New Republic at any time, but they shouldn't be forced to. Peace with the Empire will come with time.
And you, Councilor Fey'lya? What do you think?
Fey'lya: They don't vote so I don't care.
Okay... How do you feel about women in the workplace?
Thrawn: If they're competent, then it's acceptable.
Fey'lya ::glances at Leia:: Well in my culture we don't let our females work.
Leia: Oh really?
Fey'lya: Well they can work, but we don't let them get involved in politics.
Leia: And why not?
Fey'lya: It's bad for them. They get conceited and start trying to run the galaxy.
Leia: Are you suggesting I'm conceited, Councilor? I think you're letting your personal interests and opinions interfere with your argument.
Fey'lya: Go feed your babies, female.
Leia: Why you furry...
Please, Candidates, let us get back to the debate! How do you feel about colonization?
Fey'lya: Well, my people have been involved in colonization for years. I myself was born on a colony world...
Thrawn::mutters:: Pity you didn't stay there....
Fey'lya: Excuse me, *I'm* talking.
Leia::sarcastically: Why, we didn't notice!
Fey'lya: Which only proves your stupidity. Back to my point, I feel that colonization can only be positive.
Thrawn: Colonies can be hard to defend militarily, but are also very useful.
Fey'lya: Ooh, the blue man's afraid to take a stand!
Leia::shakes head at the other two:: I would not consider colonization a major part of my policy. I think that we already have the necessary laws under the New Republic.
::yells for attention:: MOVING ON! Here's a question from a citizen who calls himself Darth Machiavelli... "How do you feel about the ends and the means?" (lol if you've read the Prince...)
Leia: How you get something accomplished is just as important as what gets accomplished. If you are going to go about accomplishing your goals in a way that is morally wrong, it doesn't matter what you accomplish.
Fey'lya: You all see, now, what happens when women get into politics? Clearly, as long as you keep your popularity and rise in power, it doesn't matter if you make a few "bad choices" here and there! You just have to hide it from the public!
Leia: I really wonder how you think you're going to get elected.
Fey'lya: Wouldn't you love to know?
And you, Grand Admiral Thrawn? What do you think?
Thrawn: If you have competent people under you, you can't help but get the ends you want. And you don't have to worry about how you got there.
How.... Interesting.... Let's continue with a question from another member of the audience... "I was wondering how the candidates feel about tax reform."
Thrawn::smile:: I think that there's certainly a need for some... changes in current taxes...
Fey'lya: I also see a need for changes.
Leia: Well, at least we can all agree on this. I think that a small tax cut is in order...
Fey'lya: A tax CUT? ::fur ripples in polite surprise:: If we were to have a small increase now, we could use the surplus to help planets that were having financial troubles....
Thrawn:: snort:: Perhaps Bothawui?
Fey'lya: *You* shut up, you blue freak. At least the beings of the galaxy have *heard* of Bothans!
Thrawn: Although I agree with a small tax increase, I feel that it would be wisest to use it for erm....military and scientific purposes, not so a group of furred beings can try to dominate the galaxy. Rather, my military should domin..... nevermind.
Fey'lya: No, *you* want clones in white armor to dominate the galaxy!
Leia:: is getting impatient:: SHUT UP!
I couldn't have said it better myself, Councilor Organa Solo. On to a new question... (Before the Italicized Person can continue, Jacen & Jaina run over to their mother.)
Jacen & Jaina: Mommy! ::they run over to cling to her::
Audience:: "awwws" and "how cutes"::
Fey'lya:: trying to make the best of it, picks up a diapered Jacen::
Jacen:: smiles:: Me do poopie.
Fey'lya:: drops Jacen as if he's on fire:: Charming.
::Jacen & Jaina giggle and run away::
::stops laughing finally:: On to the question, how do you feel about smuggling?
Fey'lya: Smugglers are scum! Dishonorable, filthy, they'll do anything for credits....
::General disapproval from audience::
Han:: mutters:: Slippery little fuzzball...
Karrde:: mutters:: Never get information from *me* again..
Fey'lya: I DIDN'T ASK YOU!
Thrawn: Certainly, smuggling should not be tolerated. Yet again, we can agree, Councilor Fey'lya.
Fey'lya: And I can say with conviction, even knowing that he agrees with me, I do not change my stand!
Leia: Back to the QUESTION, obviously smuggling is illegal. And although I agree that many smugglers are bad...
Han: HEY!
Leia: ... There are also many kindhearted and generous smugglers, such as those who give the New Republic information about missing fleets and help save princesses from battle stations....
Fey'lya:: mutters:: He's with you for the money!
Leia: If I'd like your opinion, I'll beat it out of your furry hide.
Fey'lya: Is that a threat?? Security!
Thrawn: No one's going to kill you, you stupid paranoid Bothan.
Fey'lya: NOW YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME! AAAH!
Leia: Someone get a sedative or a tranquilizer, please.
Erm... in the meantime, we'll return after a brief commercial...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you long for a galaxy where you can trust your government? A galaxy where you feel that you have a say?
Then vote Leia Organa Solo for Chief of State.
If she can handle Darth Vader for a father, a Jedi brother, Han Solo for a husband, and two children who reprogram their nanny droid, she can run your government.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you feel safe and secure under the Empire? Do you want to be sure that your family is well protected? Do you want a leader who understands your culture better than you do?
Choose a new leader for a new galaxy: Grand Admiral Thrawn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He's not afraid to take a stand, even if it's unpopular.
He's been loyal to the rebellion from the start.
His people die to bring you information.
Borsk Fey'lya.
Vote for someone who's not an Imperial, and not an Imperial's daughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome back! We have returned just in time to bring you one final question for the candidates. To conclude the evening, we ask: If you were not running in this election, who would you vote for and why?
Thrawn: Well, I must admit, if I were not part of this election, I would be voting for Councilor Organa Solo. She has certainly proven herself a worthy enemy, especially in her work with the Noghri, although I do not agree with her policies.
::Leia's Noghri guards are all hissing and such at Thrawn::
Leia: Khabarakh, Irkhaim, stop that. Thank you, Grand Admiral. I have to say myself, you would have my vote. Although we may not agree on policy, as you said, you are certainly an improvement over Palpatine or Vader...
Thrawn: Thank you. I think.
Fey'lya: Well, I would... HEY WAIT A MINUTE! ::glares at Leia:: You'd vote for him over me?
Leia: Well... I'm just not fond of Bothan politics...
Fey'lya: Well... well! I wouldn't vote for either of you! So there!! ::glares:: Stupid smurf over there, and YOU! ::snarls at Leia:: Dumb, short, ugly, snobby.....
Leia: Better dumb, short, and ugly than a big furry hypocrite.
Well that's all we have time for this evening. Thank you candidates and thank you for watching our debate. Please remember to get out there and vote on election day!