Introduction:
Sunlight streamed in the windows of the fifth year boy Gryffindors' dorm. Everyone was currently in the common room studying, or else sneaking snacks out of the kitchen. The room was quite barren with all of it's neatly made beds. Silence. Such a lovely sound fills the air.
Wait. I, the author of this chapter, am quite mistaken! There is one bed, over by the wall, yes that one, with the curtains drawn shut that noises are coming from. I do believe that it's none other than the bed of Ron Weasley. Oh, my! Is it just me, or did those moaning sounds just sound like Ron saying, "You look just like Ritchie Rich."
Let's take a closer look:
Beginning of actual chapter:
Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley were snogging. Yes, on Ron's bed. They had been going out secretly for a week now, and just could not resist any longer.
Ron had liked Draco ever since. well. never. But we're going to say he did ever since. um. well he just has for a long time okay? Draco, however, had only recently discovered his rather potent feelings for Ron, the past week, in fact, when he had caught Ron trying to cop a feel in potions. They had been going out since.
"Ron.?" The light haired boy managed to squeeze in between frenching.
"Yes?" Ron tried to say this while snogging, and Draco didn't understand it, but pulled away for a moment to finish the question.
"Why me? When you know that you could have Hermione?"
Ron shrugged, anxious to get back to snogging, and moaned, "You look just like Ritchie Rich." This was good enough for Draco, who immediately started kissing Ron again.
Harry was beginning to get worried. Where was Ron? He had said that he would only be a minute. Potter, of course had no way of knowing whom Ron had discovered waiting in his bed for him, as he was ignorant of the relationship. He hoped that he hadn't fallen out a window or something, it sounded like something Ron might do.
Ah well, he had better go check on the poor boy. Harry had noticed that Ron had become especially clumsy over the past week. Perhaps he had finally admitted to Hermione that he liked her or something, although that relationship hadn't been any different.
He continued to ponder this worriedly as he went up the stairs to the dorms, unaware that he was about to pull a Natalie of sorts. And he did scream, once he had opened the door. Ron appeared to be tangled up in his bed curtains from his point of view, because he couldn't see through them, but he was afraid that his friend might be suffocating.
Hearing the noise, Ron poked his head out.
"Oh! Hi, Harry!" He said, as Draco scrambled for cover.
Harry somehow managed to stop yelling. "Oh, hi. Right. Are you okay? I thought you might be dying judging by the sounds coming out of there."
"Er. no. I'm fine. Couldn't be better. Smashing, in fact. I think I'll go for a walk."
Even Harry wasn't that dense. He sighed, "What are you hiding?"
"N-nothing." Ron stammered, as Draco tickled his feet. Draco never did have any idea how to keep cover. Ron couldn't help but laugh hysterically. He's very ticklish, you know, although not so much as Draco. but that comes later.
Harry frowned. He knew Ron was lying, especially because he kept laughing like that. Harry wondered stupidly what he should do. He stood there, staring perplexed at Ron. "Tell me what it is!" He finally shouted.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Nyah nyah nyah, I can't hear you!" Harry sang with his fingers in his ears. "Wait! I don't have to take this!" He stomped over to Ron's bed and pulled aside the curtains, revealing Draco. Once again, Harry screamed like a schoolgirl.
"Calm down!" Draco shouted at him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed in anguish. HE was supposed to be the one paired with Draco in slash fan fiction. Ron just wasn't special enough. It wasn't fair.
Ron gave Harry a bewildered look because of the very odd Natalie that he was pulling. "Um. Harry? I can explain. see-"
Harry couldn't take the insult any more and fled the dorm. He was still shouting when he ran into Hermione in the common room. Everyone was staring at him.
Hermione was doing some of her famous "light" reading. It was rather an interesting book, actually, all about the fine points of why 2+2 have to equal 17.2. However, she wasn't able to concentrate. Images of Ron, the boy she felt she might never be able to admit that she likes kept floating into her head. She was just about to give up when she heard Harry's girly scream coming from upstairs.
She closed her book, wondering what it was THIS time. It stopped briefly, and then started up again as he ran in the room, nearly knocking her off her chair. He finally stopped making that dreadful noise and gasped for air.
Harry pointed at the staircase, apparently trying to tell her something.
"What?"
He kept pointing.
"What, are the stairs going to eat you?"
He looked quite frightened for a moment before shaking his head. "Ron-"
"Ron's going to eat you?"
He shook his head, still out of breath, "and Malfoy-"
".are going to eat you?" Hermione had a one-track mind when she was hungry, but didn't believe for some reason in stealing food from the kitchen.
"-snogging."
"WHAT?" How dare the authors of this fanfic! SHE was supposed to be paired with Ron, not Draco. How dense are they? Besides, she was generally shocked at the prospect that HER Ronnie was gay. Wait, if she liked one gay guy, did that mean that VIKTOR was gay? She shuddered at the thought.
Harry nodded, still looking shocked himself.
Hermione pulled a Vinnie and a Bria at the same time. (That means she leapt into his arms and fainted, all of you people not up on your MA jargon)
Harry dropped her and she got up.
"What happened?"
"I turned you into a newt."
"A newt?"
Harry paused. "No, but it sounded cool."
Hermione shrugged. She was used to these odd comments from Harry by now, after all of the strange fanfics they had been through together. "I guess I got better."
"Hmm."
Her eyes suddenly narrowed as her memory of the previous few moments returned. "We have to break them up."
Harry grinned maliciously. "I agree. I truly agree."
The rest of the common room, who had been attempting to follow this conversation, looked at each other are shrugged. "What's a newt?" Neville asked the seventh year sitting nearest to him. *Facefault*
After Harry left, Malfoy turned to Ron. "Well. that was productive."
"It was?"
"Sarcasm, dear."
Ron came back to his senses. "Oh, yeah. Duh. Anywho, what should we do?"
"Nothing. They'll have to give us a chance to explain eventually." Yeah, the authors are really going to do that. Uh-huh. Sure. Keep fooling yourself kid. It's way too much fun to watch you SUFFER! BWAHAHAHA!
Ron, oblivious to the thoughts of the author, shrugged. "I guess you're right."
They couple then returned to their snogging session, which the author of this chapter really doesn't want to describe in very much detail, so we'll move on.
Ginny was listening to Harry and Hermione plot. As far as she could tell, they had a foolproof plan. She only wished that it was to get her together with Harry, not Malfoy.
"Now," Hermione was saying, "Remember, we have to pretend like we're okay with it, or it won't work. Reverse psychology may just be that turning point."
Harry nodded vigorously. "Yeah!" He had no idea what she was talking about, but it sounded good.
After a while, their meeting of sorts broke up, and Hermione and Harry went off to their own dorms. ("Oh, get a room!" was Harry's comment when he saw Ron and Draco still at it. They ignored him.)
Hermione nearly ran Ginny down as she went up the girls' staircase.
"Oh, hello, Hermione." Was all she had time to say before Hermione began to yell at her.
"Were you just listening in to my and Harry's conversation? I've told you, stalking a guy is NOT the answer!" (The authors beg to differ) "And anyway, you should be studying!"
"Are Ron and Malfoy really going out?" Ginny asked.
Hermione sighed; her friend would never let her finish a rant. Why was she friends with her anyway? She wouldn't even let her rant! She hid her feelings very well however, when she answered calmly, "It certainly does appear to be that way."
"And does Harry REALLY want to break them up just to go out with Malfoy?" Hermione could tell that Ginny was close to tears.
"Well, that's what he says, but I think he's faking it to deny me the trouble of admitting I like Ron."
"You like Ron?"
"What rock have you been hiding under?"
"That one. Over there." Ginny pointed to a large boulder that had suddenly appeared in the common room. It seemed to be made of Limestone, and smelled vaguely of fish sticks. No, the authors don't know why they cared what a rock smelled like, so give it a rest already!
"I see." Hermione rambled. "Anyhow, would you like me to get you and Harry together too, as long as I have a large plan."
"If it's not too much of a bother-"
"Oh, not at all! Just a little revising here and there. yes, this should work out nicely." She licked her lips in anticipation. Oh, what an interesting fanfic this was turning out to be, what would the two authors do next?
Sunlight streamed in the windows of the fifth year boy Gryffindors' dorm. Everyone was currently in the common room studying, or else sneaking snacks out of the kitchen. The room was quite barren with all of it's neatly made beds. Silence. Such a lovely sound fills the air.
Wait. I, the author of this chapter, am quite mistaken! There is one bed, over by the wall, yes that one, with the curtains drawn shut that noises are coming from. I do believe that it's none other than the bed of Ron Weasley. Oh, my! Is it just me, or did those moaning sounds just sound like Ron saying, "You look just like Ritchie Rich."
Let's take a closer look:
Beginning of actual chapter:
Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley were snogging. Yes, on Ron's bed. They had been going out secretly for a week now, and just could not resist any longer.
Ron had liked Draco ever since. well. never. But we're going to say he did ever since. um. well he just has for a long time okay? Draco, however, had only recently discovered his rather potent feelings for Ron, the past week, in fact, when he had caught Ron trying to cop a feel in potions. They had been going out since.
"Ron.?" The light haired boy managed to squeeze in between frenching.
"Yes?" Ron tried to say this while snogging, and Draco didn't understand it, but pulled away for a moment to finish the question.
"Why me? When you know that you could have Hermione?"
Ron shrugged, anxious to get back to snogging, and moaned, "You look just like Ritchie Rich." This was good enough for Draco, who immediately started kissing Ron again.
Harry was beginning to get worried. Where was Ron? He had said that he would only be a minute. Potter, of course had no way of knowing whom Ron had discovered waiting in his bed for him, as he was ignorant of the relationship. He hoped that he hadn't fallen out a window or something, it sounded like something Ron might do.
Ah well, he had better go check on the poor boy. Harry had noticed that Ron had become especially clumsy over the past week. Perhaps he had finally admitted to Hermione that he liked her or something, although that relationship hadn't been any different.
He continued to ponder this worriedly as he went up the stairs to the dorms, unaware that he was about to pull a Natalie of sorts. And he did scream, once he had opened the door. Ron appeared to be tangled up in his bed curtains from his point of view, because he couldn't see through them, but he was afraid that his friend might be suffocating.
Hearing the noise, Ron poked his head out.
"Oh! Hi, Harry!" He said, as Draco scrambled for cover.
Harry somehow managed to stop yelling. "Oh, hi. Right. Are you okay? I thought you might be dying judging by the sounds coming out of there."
"Er. no. I'm fine. Couldn't be better. Smashing, in fact. I think I'll go for a walk."
Even Harry wasn't that dense. He sighed, "What are you hiding?"
"N-nothing." Ron stammered, as Draco tickled his feet. Draco never did have any idea how to keep cover. Ron couldn't help but laugh hysterically. He's very ticklish, you know, although not so much as Draco. but that comes later.
Harry frowned. He knew Ron was lying, especially because he kept laughing like that. Harry wondered stupidly what he should do. He stood there, staring perplexed at Ron. "Tell me what it is!" He finally shouted.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Nyah nyah nyah, I can't hear you!" Harry sang with his fingers in his ears. "Wait! I don't have to take this!" He stomped over to Ron's bed and pulled aside the curtains, revealing Draco. Once again, Harry screamed like a schoolgirl.
"Calm down!" Draco shouted at him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed in anguish. HE was supposed to be the one paired with Draco in slash fan fiction. Ron just wasn't special enough. It wasn't fair.
Ron gave Harry a bewildered look because of the very odd Natalie that he was pulling. "Um. Harry? I can explain. see-"
Harry couldn't take the insult any more and fled the dorm. He was still shouting when he ran into Hermione in the common room. Everyone was staring at him.
Hermione was doing some of her famous "light" reading. It was rather an interesting book, actually, all about the fine points of why 2+2 have to equal 17.2. However, she wasn't able to concentrate. Images of Ron, the boy she felt she might never be able to admit that she likes kept floating into her head. She was just about to give up when she heard Harry's girly scream coming from upstairs.
She closed her book, wondering what it was THIS time. It stopped briefly, and then started up again as he ran in the room, nearly knocking her off her chair. He finally stopped making that dreadful noise and gasped for air.
Harry pointed at the staircase, apparently trying to tell her something.
"What?"
He kept pointing.
"What, are the stairs going to eat you?"
He looked quite frightened for a moment before shaking his head. "Ron-"
"Ron's going to eat you?"
He shook his head, still out of breath, "and Malfoy-"
".are going to eat you?" Hermione had a one-track mind when she was hungry, but didn't believe for some reason in stealing food from the kitchen.
"-snogging."
"WHAT?" How dare the authors of this fanfic! SHE was supposed to be paired with Ron, not Draco. How dense are they? Besides, she was generally shocked at the prospect that HER Ronnie was gay. Wait, if she liked one gay guy, did that mean that VIKTOR was gay? She shuddered at the thought.
Harry nodded, still looking shocked himself.
Hermione pulled a Vinnie and a Bria at the same time. (That means she leapt into his arms and fainted, all of you people not up on your MA jargon)
Harry dropped her and she got up.
"What happened?"
"I turned you into a newt."
"A newt?"
Harry paused. "No, but it sounded cool."
Hermione shrugged. She was used to these odd comments from Harry by now, after all of the strange fanfics they had been through together. "I guess I got better."
"Hmm."
Her eyes suddenly narrowed as her memory of the previous few moments returned. "We have to break them up."
Harry grinned maliciously. "I agree. I truly agree."
The rest of the common room, who had been attempting to follow this conversation, looked at each other are shrugged. "What's a newt?" Neville asked the seventh year sitting nearest to him. *Facefault*
After Harry left, Malfoy turned to Ron. "Well. that was productive."
"It was?"
"Sarcasm, dear."
Ron came back to his senses. "Oh, yeah. Duh. Anywho, what should we do?"
"Nothing. They'll have to give us a chance to explain eventually." Yeah, the authors are really going to do that. Uh-huh. Sure. Keep fooling yourself kid. It's way too much fun to watch you SUFFER! BWAHAHAHA!
Ron, oblivious to the thoughts of the author, shrugged. "I guess you're right."
They couple then returned to their snogging session, which the author of this chapter really doesn't want to describe in very much detail, so we'll move on.
Ginny was listening to Harry and Hermione plot. As far as she could tell, they had a foolproof plan. She only wished that it was to get her together with Harry, not Malfoy.
"Now," Hermione was saying, "Remember, we have to pretend like we're okay with it, or it won't work. Reverse psychology may just be that turning point."
Harry nodded vigorously. "Yeah!" He had no idea what she was talking about, but it sounded good.
After a while, their meeting of sorts broke up, and Hermione and Harry went off to their own dorms. ("Oh, get a room!" was Harry's comment when he saw Ron and Draco still at it. They ignored him.)
Hermione nearly ran Ginny down as she went up the girls' staircase.
"Oh, hello, Hermione." Was all she had time to say before Hermione began to yell at her.
"Were you just listening in to my and Harry's conversation? I've told you, stalking a guy is NOT the answer!" (The authors beg to differ) "And anyway, you should be studying!"
"Are Ron and Malfoy really going out?" Ginny asked.
Hermione sighed; her friend would never let her finish a rant. Why was she friends with her anyway? She wouldn't even let her rant! She hid her feelings very well however, when she answered calmly, "It certainly does appear to be that way."
"And does Harry REALLY want to break them up just to go out with Malfoy?" Hermione could tell that Ginny was close to tears.
"Well, that's what he says, but I think he's faking it to deny me the trouble of admitting I like Ron."
"You like Ron?"
"What rock have you been hiding under?"
"That one. Over there." Ginny pointed to a large boulder that had suddenly appeared in the common room. It seemed to be made of Limestone, and smelled vaguely of fish sticks. No, the authors don't know why they cared what a rock smelled like, so give it a rest already!
"I see." Hermione rambled. "Anyhow, would you like me to get you and Harry together too, as long as I have a large plan."
"If it's not too much of a bother-"
"Oh, not at all! Just a little revising here and there. yes, this should work out nicely." She licked her lips in anticipation. Oh, what an interesting fanfic this was turning out to be, what would the two authors do next?