Ahem, my first attempt at a serious Lily/James fic... try not to be too harsh. And I apoligise if there's any confusion of characters at one point, I had originally written it differently and had to change things around. Let me know what you all think!
James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, McGonagall, and Amos all belong to JK Rowling, along with anything else from the Potterverse. Audrey was created by my lovely friend Sarah.
And now...
"Mournful Roses"
by running out of ink
It always amazes me how much people want to hurt other people.
James says people would rather be cowards and hide behind masks than confront anything.
I know he's right; they are cowards. That doesn't make anything better.
Speaking of James, I am really beginning to like him. I know I shouldn't be admitting this to myself- it'll only make things worse. I know he doesn't like me like that at all, and then there's Remus. I couldn't possibly dump him and date his best friend. Being Lily Evans can be kind of dramatic.
Advanced Transfiguration
"Settle down class! You all are supposed to be my advanced class, so let's see if we can't settle down. Today your task is to transfigure the chair you are sitting in into an animal- preferably a non-dangerous one." McGonagall made sure to look pointedly at James on this last comment. "You will be working with partners in order to help each other on technique and in case you 'accidentally' transfigure something dangerous."
She read off the list of partners, the gist of it being that I was placed with James and Remus was placed with Alice. I kissed Remus on the cheek and went and stood by James.
"Fine day for transfiguring chairs, eh Lily?"
"Not really."
"Why? Is it because you are absolutely devastated about being separated from your lover?" He batted his eyes a few times.
"No. That's not it."
James transfigured the chair into a cat and back again easily.
"So what is it, pumpkin? You can tell me."
"It's just stuff going on at home."
"Tell me. Please? I'll just ask Remus later if you don't!"
"You'll be wasting your time. I haven't even told Remus about it."
He put an arm around me comfortingly and looked at me. His voice softened a bit. "Alright, what's really wrong Lily?"
"It's just-" I felt bad telling James this before telling my own boyfriend, but then Remus hadn't even noticed that I was upset today. I guess it hadn't made the Daily Prophet. Figures- the Ministry was still trying to deny the seriousness of attacks on muggles. "-my house was destroyed in a fire last night."
"WHAT?" McGonagall glared in our direction but honestly I didn't care. It felt nice to have someone care. "Is your family okay?"
"Yeah, they were out to dinner at the time. But it's weird. I grew up in that house and now everything's gone."
"Do they know what happened?"
"Death eaters happened." I suddenly felt like crying. I'd been holding it in all morning, trying to go on as if nothing had happened.
"They're all bloody cowards, hiding behind their masks attacking innocent people."
"I know."
I bit my lip in hopes to stop any tears from falling but it was too late. One rolled down my cheek, stopping on my lips making them taste salty. James brushed it away and pulled me into an embrace. And right there- in the middle of transfiguration class- I finally broke down and cried.
He whispered comforting words into my ear and stroked my hair. Sometime in the middle of my sobbing I felt James let go of me. Remus took over and led me from the room, but he only made things worse. His arms weren't as warm as James's; his words weren't as comforting; his fingers through my hair made me want to punch him and rip my hair out at the same time. Here he was trying to console me and make everything alright and he didn't even know what was wrong with me.
Eventually we got to the common room and I went up to bed- not even bothering to say anything to Remus. I didn't care that it was the middle of the day, that Remus was my boyfriend, that my family was fine, I was mad. I curled up in a ball on my bed, and cried, cursing the world.
Two weeks later
It was our two year anniversary today. I am a horrible person.
By the lake
There was a blanket with food laid out by the edge of the lake, and it looked like it had been there for hours. The blanket was all soggy and covered in mud. Only half of the food was covered, therefore only half of the food wasn't soaking in a puddle of rain water. It was a sweet gesture- a Two Year Anniversary picnic from Remus. There was even a vase containing a dozen roses, but it had toppled over and the roses looked a bit mournful. Yes, Remus had thought of everything- except the weather. And I suppose I could be to blame for some of this mess.
Two hours earlier I had been sitting in the common room, feet propped up on James's lap as we talked.
"So, are you and Remus doing anything special today?"
"Well, we had planned on studying for that Charms exam."
"Today?" He seemed confused that our Sunday night plans involved studying.
"Yes? What else are we supposed to do on a Sunday?"
"Well I just thought since it was your two year you guys would be doing something special." I think he might've winked at me, but I was too busy having a panic attack. I had completely forgotten our two year anniversary. He was saying something else too, the words 'surprise' and 'picnic' floated into my mind, but really I didn't hear anything else. James tickled my feet a little bit. "Anyone home, Lily?"
I pulled my feet away from him and sat up. "James- Would you think I was the most horrible person in the world if I said I had forgotten our two year anniversary?"
"You forgot?!"
"Well, not so much forgot as failed to remember in time."
"Did you get him a gift or anything?"
I felt my face turn red from shame.
"Come on then." He took my hand and pulled me up. "We're going to Hogsmeade! We just have to be back before Remus finds out."
He led me to the secret passageway behind the statue and we walked to Hogsmeade in silence for a few minutes. Finally, James piped up a conversation.
"I can't believe you forgot."
"Neither can I."
"Are you and Remus okay?"
"Oh sure, we're fine."
I think he might've been giving me a critical look, but the light from our wands made him look a bit sad instead. "You've always been a terrible liar, Lils. So, what's going on between you two? Are you in a fight?"
"No. We never fight," I thought about what I'd just said. It was completely true- we never fight. People think we're the perfect couple, but if I'm being entirely honest here we're not perfect, just perfectly boring.
"You don't fight, do you?" He was probably thinking the exact same thing as I was.
We didn't get to finish our conversation until after I'd found Remus a gift because James and I got into a debate over what to get the Boyfriend Wonder.
"Get him a book," Was James's suggestion. I said that Remus had too many books and needed to get out more. I mean, I love the kid but he's as pale as a ghost sometimes. A little sun would do him a lot of good.
"I was thinking something fun," What's fun? A board game?
"Like what?" But I couldn't think of anything worthwhile, so I ended up buying him a book.
We were in the tunnel on the way back when I remembered our earlier conversation.
"James?"
"Yes, love?"
"Can I tell you something? You might hate me for it, which I will understand because I am a horrible person."
"Lily, I could never hate you, even if you were the most horrible person ever."
I smiled. "Oh, you say that now."
"And I mean it."
"Right, well, I think that I'm not really in love with Remus anymore. I've actually been thinking about breaking up with him."
He looked completely taken aback.
We arrived at the end of the tunnel.
Thunder sounded from outside the thick castle walls and all I could think to do was kiss James Potter. And kiss him I did.
I'd completely lost mind and, apparently, so had he because he kissed me back.
"Lily? James?" Recognizing the voice, we jumped apart and looked around. Standing there, a silhouette in front of the stained glass window, was a completely soaked, extremely hurt looking Remus Lupin.
James tried to talk to him; I just stood there looking ashamed of myself. I'd probably single-handedly ruined their friendship.
"I didn't- Remus- I'm so sorry."
"When you came to me saying you liked Lily I was fine with it James- but hell! I didn't expect you to actually ACT upon your feelings!"
Oh man, Remus is blaming James for everything when it was all me. I ruined their friendship and he thinks James likes me. Wait- James likes me? Oh my God.
"Remus," I had to try to say something. "Remus it wasn't James. It was me. I kissed him."
He looked absolutely heartbroken. I knew I should've waited for a better time. A more private moment perhaps, but I couldn't.
"You've known things have been weird between us for a long while now. I still love you Remus, but I'm not IN love with you."
James left, and Remus and I had a long talk with each other. I apologized for kissing James; we talked about how we just weren't right for each other anymore and in the end I think we parted on pretty good terms. I asked him not to hate James because I was the one who made the first move and then we both went our separate ways to think about things.
The storm cleared up and I went outside, where I found the remnants of a picnic lunch. I sat down on the muddy blanket and cried- not for any particular reason. Maybe just because I realized it was over- what I'd lost. Remus was too good for me- too perfect and pure. I was nothing like that. I picked up a rose and looked at it. Someone cleared their throat behind me. It was Sirius Black- that other best friend of Remus.
"That was a pretty messed up thing to do Lily," he said quietly and sat down beside me.
"I know. I don't need you to tell me how horrible a person I am," I sighed. Couldn't a girl get some alone time?
"Remus is really upset," he said it like that was going to change my feelings.
"I know."
"You shouldn't have kissed James."
"I KNOW SIRIUS. I KNOW."
"Listen, Lily, I know we aren't really friends, but Remus and James are my best friends and I don't want you messing with them."
"I'm not just messing with them, Sirius. I've known for a while that I wanted to break up with Remus, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides, should you really be talking? I mean when you and Audrey dated you didn't even pretend like she was important to you. You used her."
"That was a bit of a low blow- it was nearly two years ago."
"That doesn't change the fact that it still happened."
"How is Audrey?"
"She's still dating Amos," I stated and we both cringed at the thought. Neither of us has ever liked Amos Diggory, mostly because we both think he's a lying, cheating, egotistical jerk, but try telling that to Audrey. I guess you could say our dislike of Amos was the one thing the two of us have had common.
"So, you've got the hots for James?" he asked, and I, rather uncharacteristically, blushed.
"Yeah."
He ruffled my hair and put an arm around me, and you know what? Life really is a funny thing because in that moment Sirius Black and I became friends.