Daughter to Father
A/N: I'm back. This is one of the pieces I wrote during the hiatus. Please let me know what you think.
Raven couldn't do it. She couldn't speak about him without her emotions rising. She couldn't think of him without losing control He made her that way. Made her weak, made her powerless.
Her Anger was always the first to rise. She raged, and she roared in the safety of her mind. She screamed and cursed, cursing the man, cursing the life her had given her. She damned him with every word, damned him to the furthest, deepest depths of hell. Damned him to an afterlife in purgatory. Anger consumed herself and roiled into Rage. He made her that way.
As anger cooled, Hurt took its spot. Hurt, who constantly suffered. She didn't rage, didn't roar. Instead she built up walls, locked herself away. Kept out more pain and kept everyone away. She wallowed in the pain, let in sink into her very skin. She questioned her worth. She wondered how she could've been different, how she could've been better, made him love her more. She wondered what she'd done wrong, to make him want to see her suffer the way she did. Hurt allowed herself to fester and transform into self-loathing. He made her that way.
As hurt subsided, Grief took its place. Grief who mourned him, mourned the life they both had been dealt. Grief who suffered in pain and in sadness. Grief who mourned the loss of a relationship between two so dear. Grief who mourned the fact the fact that they could not be a family. Grief was the one who cried at night, whose heart tore at the mention of his name. Grief who missed him, grief who loved him, grief who still wanted him to be a part of her life.
She hated that he did that to her. Hated that he made her feel so much. Hated that she felt for him at all. He was her father, true but still she didn't want to feel for him. She wanted to act like he was nothing, like he meant nothing, especially to her. Wanted to act like he didn't exist, didn't play a part in her life.
But she couldn't. Try as she might she couldn't ignore the fact that he played a rather large time in her life. That he played a part in making her who she was today. His absence in her life made her need to be stronger, made her skin a little thicker. Her being alone made her mind a little quicker. It also made her heart more fragile, made the walls around it higher. It made her wary of whom she trusted made her careful of whom she loved. His absence made her question her worth, question herself. Made her realize that she didn't need him, that she could survive without him.
So yes, at times thoughts of her father and their relationship did wreak havoc on heart, did cause chaos in her soul. It did leave her weak and powerless. But those same thoughts also made her stronger, they also reminded her to feel. They made her.
A/N: This is a rather personal piece. I can relate to everything that I have Raven feeling in this piece. I know it may not make sense and it may not flow correctly but I needed this catharsis desperately and this was the best outlet at the time. So let me know what you think.