Chapter 1: To be the Fastest Man Alive
Summary: Cisco, Caitlin and Barry talk about what it means to be the fastest man alive. Post 3x15 episode
Barry Allen grunted in pain as he settled in front of the main screens in the Cortex. Tapping the mic in front of him (and assured by the static buzz), he leaned forward, ready to get this over with. He had to do this. Every Tuesday, no matter if he were happy, sad, depressed, dying – emotions didn't matter. And he had to say it the same uplifting tone.
Barry took a deep breath in as he started, "My name is Barry Allen," he started just as the music score played in the back, and Cisco and Caitlin walked into the Cortex. He smiled towards them, acknowledging their presence. "And I am the fastest man alive – "
"Woah, wait," Cisco interrupted, a small frown forming on his face just as the music scored fizzled to silence in the background and Caitlin and Barry turned to glare at the young engineer; they would have to record from the beginning again.
"You can't be the fastest man alive, right?" Cisco continued, deciding to settle into his favorite revolving chair. "I mean, I can list of a bunch of new additions to the show who are definitely faster than you."
Caitlin looked up thoughtfully, while Barry responded with a quick and curt response. "Nope, still the fastest." At the dubious glances he received in return, the scarlet speedster challenged them, not wanting to lose his position (and pride) as the fastest. "Fine, try listing them."
"Well, for one, there's Reverse Flash. You know Fake Wells/Eobard Thwane," Caitlin started.
"Doesn't count. He kind of died when Eddie sacrificed himself," Barry pointed out.
"Yeah, until you created Flashpoint." Cisco grumbled.
"I thought we got over that." Barry turned away from the conversation, deleting the current recording before adjusting his mic. "Besides, when he was alive (before Eddie, I mean) he didn't have all his speed. That's why he needed me to be faster. And when he came back last year, well, he's technically not alive. We killed him after that time, so he's kind of like a memory or something."
"And Flashpoint…" Cisco drawled.
"Still not alive. Although Professor Stein told me something about spear of destiny or something," Barry responded. "I think it's supposed to restore Thwane, but you know, I'm not too worried. Legends got this."
"Fine, but there's still Zoom."
"I defeated him. Plus I matched his speed before. And if you're talking about how he still exists in the speed force, he's technically not alive."
"Trajectory? Jesse? Supergirl? Wally? Grodd? Jay Garrick – the real one?"
"Trajectory's dead. And really, Jesse? She's quick but not fast enough," Barry replied, shrugging. "Supergirl's a different universe. And I'm faster." At his teammates dubious glances, "I broke the dimensional barrier. I can literally go fast enough to jump between universes. You don't see Supergirl doing that!"
Cisco coughed something that sounded suspiciously like 'Tacheyon Devices' and maybe 'Vibe'. Barry chose to ignore it and continued.
"Wally's fast, probably faster than me, but he's also stuck in the speed force."
"So, what, now we consider anyone in the speed force 'not alive'?" Cisco asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Not exactly alive." Barry responded, before he heard a sob come from the hallway in the Cortex. The speedster turned around just in time to watch Jesse Quick speed out. "Poor choice of words," Barry said sheepishly as he turned back to face his team.
"I'll go after her," Caitlin replied, taking a couple of steps forward before coming back. "Too fast. I'll track her down first."
Barry apologized again, before turning to Cisco. "And what about Grodd?"
"Well, Gideon said Grodd taps into speed force in the future," Cisco said, pointing an accusing figure in the general direction of the time vault.
"Even if he did, he's still not ever going to be the fastest man alive. There's a lot of conditions in that statement," Barry finished almost smugly.
Cisco shrugged, deciding to sip from his cup of coffee in response. "And Jay was never faster than me. I mean, Savitar challenged me, not Jay."
Cisco's eyes widened as he found his trump card in the debate. "Savitar! Savitar's faster than you."
Barry opened his mouth and then closed it, almost like a fish out water. Just before the CSI could formulate an answer, Caitlin interrupted the argument. "Guys, I found something!"
"Jesse?"
"Yeah, and she's battling Savitar." The biochemist quickly began typing, transferring the video from her screen to all the screens in cortex. "Weird, she's holding on pretty well." She glanced at Barry.
"Yeah, well he was in the speed force the first time I battled him!" Barry defended himself.
"Guys, Jesse removed Savitar's mask," Cisco started hesitantly. All three faces whipped towards the screen, just as Savitar raised his clawed hand (the other claw, that wasn't ripped from his body armor).
Four pairs of eyes stared at the identity of Savitar in shock, just as Barry began to smile. "I'll go save Jesse, Cisco. But I think this just proves our debate." With that the scarlet speedster sped out.
"Damn it." Cisco mumbled, saddened that he lost the battle. He watched as their Barry went to stop Savitar-Barry from impaling Jesse. "Guess he is the fastest man alive."
A/N: My first try at humor. You know, people who write humor actually have to be smart, and witty (qualities I don't have). A for effort, I guess. Well, it still a good debate to have.
Thank you for reading. I don't think I've hit every fast person on the show … I feel like I'm missing some. Let me know who I missed! Please review and leave comments.