Give it all away
I was laying there staring at my ceiling. The darkness shrouded me in a comforting blanket as I felt so utterly helpless about life. I was there for eternity not knowing what to do with myself. The pang of loneliness didn't help much either as I reached out into space searching for something to hold on to. There was nothing there, just the empty air. I brought myself into a fetal position and sobbed silently until not a single drop of pain was left. But, as always, it would come back soon after. I couldn't sleep, and thinking hurt too much. All I could do was just lie there as an empty shell until the sun came up and I had to search for work again.
I was almost asleep when I felt the warm strong hands of him rub my shoulders gently. I smiled slightly as I turned to face him.
"Hey, baby. Sorry I'm home late… What's wrong? You look upset," he said in such a soothing voice that made me leap into his strong protecting arms. Nothing could hurt me when he held me in those arms. I was amazed that he could tell in the dark. I didn't answer him and he didn't bother making me confide to him what was wrong. I was pretty sure he already knew. I buried my face in his neck and took in a deep breath of his earthly scent. As I exhaled a sigh, he cradled my head and ran his fingers through my hair. This went on until he was sure that I was feeling better, and I was… a little.
"It'll be alright, I'll help you get through this thing."
I don't say anything, but just nod in response. He leaned in and pressed his warm lips against mine and a feeling of consolation washed over me.
"I need you tonight," I said. That's all there was to it. We made love that night, both of us yearning endlessly for comfort.
"Is she dead mommy?" a little boy's voice came from what seemed like far away.
"Jacob! What are you—put that stick down!"
"Is she dead?" The boy repeated.
"No she isn't dead. I think she's just aslee—Stop poking the poor girl with a stick!"
"I think she's dead! She's not waking up! Wake up!"
I opened my eyes to find the cutest boy staring at me with big blue eyes and jabbing my arm with a pointy stick. I winced and he screamed.
"Aiiiieeee! Mommy! It's a zombie!"
"Hush sweetie," she cooed as she came over to grab the boy's arm and shoo him away. "I'm so sorry for all this trouble he's caused you. I blinked, trying to process what just happened, then I smiled and chuckled remembering where I was: sleeping on a bench in the park. The woman grunted looking for a consolation that I didn't take offense. There wasn't one. She wrinkled her petite nose as though she was the one offended. I studied her. She was amazingly beautiful with long golden locks and deep brown eyes. She didn't have any make-up on and was a little chubby after having kids.
"You poor girl," was all she said while shaking her head and rummaging through her purse until she found her wallet. "Take this. But, just don't by drugs or booze okay?" again, I didn't say anything, nor did I try and take the money from her. She stared at me in bewilderment until she just finally dropped the twenty dollar bill on my lap. I picked it up and was going to give it back to her, but she was already walking away.
I didn't get off that bench all day. I just sat there and watched all the people pass by. Some gave me money just as that lady did, but others stared at me with disgust probably wondering why people like me deserved to be on this planet.
People like me, I thought and chuckled. There are many homeless people out there, but none of them are like me. At least I hoped that there wasn't. Knowing that there was another person like me would be awfully sad. There shouldn't be anybody with a story as sad as mine.