Pony Time
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...
It was a beautiful day...somewhere else...in the wastelands west of Equestria, it was just hot and desolate...but mostly HOT. Naturally, most sane people avoid it...
So of course...
"How you talked me into this, I'll NEVER know!" Shouts an exhausted Bon Bon to her soon to be EX-Best Friend Lyra as they wandered the wasteland. Lyra just smiles as she looks over her map. "Don't worry buddy! Just one more dune to go!" "You said that FIVE dunes ago!" Shouts Bon Bon annoyed.
Lyra just chuckled nervously, "Yeah...sorry about that, I only realized an hour ago that this map went by the metric system-
"Is that another made-up human thing?" She asks annoyed. Lyra looks at her hurt, "Hey come on, don't be like that-
"Were lost in the desert, were out of food and water and I'm pretty sure I'm getting heatstroke! All to indulge your crazy 'secret surviving human village' fantasy! I'LL BE LIKE WHATEVER I WANT!" She then turns around to storm off-
CRACK!
GAH!
Screamed Bon Bon as she fell through the sand and landed in a underground cavern...right in front of a vault door marked 001. Lyra uses her unicorn magic to levitate down, "YES! I knew we were close! Now I just need to input the code on the map."
Bon Bon's eyes went wide, "Uh, Lyra. Maybe we shouldn't be so hast- But Lyra had already taped it in...and like magic...the vault began to open...
"Greetings humans! My name is Lyra Heartstrings! What's yours!" She shouts happily into the depths of the vault-
BANG!
"...for the record...I blame you for this." States a drowsy Bon Bon covered in tranquilizer darts. "That's...fair." Admitted an equally drowsy Lyra...right before a bunch of mysterious figures grabbed them and carted them off into the vault...
And so...no one noticed the blinking light above the vault...or how an antenna began to extend...and sparkle...
...
Finn the human, clad in only a loincloth stalked through the jungle towards his prey, he briefly looked up at the 'sky'...most of the simulated sky had failed over the years..the top of vault 43 was visible in patches...
Finn remembered the tales of his mother...how their ancestors were promised deliverance from the mushroom wars by a false profit named 'Vlt Tooch oVRR-sEEr'...he promised them sanctuary in the vault...but then swindled them off their clothes and possessions...and then left them to rot in this strange underground jungle...filled with all manner of viscous predators.
But Finn's people were strong and resourceful, despite many losses, they survived and adapted...eventually they found 'Vlt Tooch's' and his followers hiding place and had them lynched, burnt alive and eaten...sadly despite their best efforts...none could make the vault open...such knowledge had long been lost to them.
Finn saw his prey, a vicious panther...and jumped for it-
SMACK!
Only for his freakishly large genitals to pop out of his loincloth at the last second and whack painfully into a branch, the pain tripped him up and he fell into a briar patch.
His yelps of pain as the thorns poked his privates, attracted the panther toward him.
Finn panicked, he'd lost his spear! How-
HI-YAH!
And like that, the Panther's head went flying. Finn groaned, "Of course...no wonder my luck went bad." Finn was a competent hunter...he really was...but for some reason, whenever a cute girl was watching...his luck always turned bad.
Especially with HER around... JP liked to wear tribal war paint that permanently died her skin green and her hair purple. she wore a broken skull on her head like a crown...which was topped with an actually golden crown she won in a hunt contest...she also wore golden bracelets...also won in hunting contests...that bear-skin bikini looked like it was on the verge of popping off...
sproing!
OW!
Cried out Finn as his stupid wang decided to have an erection in the middle of a stinking briar patch, JP turned around to Finn and laughed... "Thwarted again, eh Finn? Glob must have a wicked sense of humor to 'curse' you with boing-loings that large." She teased playfully.
Finn flustered in shame...it was true...his junk was freakishly huge...unlike the rest of the men who had normal microscopic junk...his was a shameful hazard; constantly tripping him up, getting smacked by Evey piece of fauna in the jungle, almost getting bitten off by every time...the girls of the village would always mock him for how it was impossible for him to make love to anyone...And Finn knew they were right...he was worried he'd injure a girl...
JP sauntered over to him, her body hunched at just the right angle for Finn to get a nice view of her cleavage...Finn just couldn't calm down!
"Uh- Nice to see you tity- I mean JP! Got go, bye!" He quickly tried to jump out of the briar's-
RIP!
JP burst out laughing, "Oh, my!" Finn groaned, "Oh, come on!" A now naked Finn with his 'mast' still at full height frantically tried to grab his loincloth back-
ERK!
Only For JP's lightning reflexes to grab him by his 'mast' and twist, causing Finn to whimper...
"Why so excited? Was it because of me?" She asked teasingly as she stuffed his loincloth into her satchel. Finn whimpered, but nodded.
"And who's the best hunter?"
"You." Whimperd Finn as she twisted some more.
"Who own's you?" "You." Said Finn filled with shame.
"Do you think I'm cute?" She twisted again. "Yes!" He cried out in desperation.
"Do you think I'm sexy?" She twisted even harder. "yes!" He shouted out sincerely.
"Would you sleep with me if I let you?" She twisted so hard, Finn thought it might get ripped out. "YES! I admit it! I fantasies about you, I hunt to try and impress you! My deepest wish is for a girl like you to respect me, treat me like an equal and a hero!"
JP's eyes widened, she quickly let go. "Okay...I may have taken this too far." She realizes remorsefully.
"Uh...sorry about that...here, you can have credit for this hunt...again, sorry." Sh admitted flustered as she quickly left.
Humiliated...but not wanting to question his good fortune he went over to claim his prize...only to realize something...she still had his loincloth! He was STILL naked!
He cursed up a blue streak...
...
Fortunately, he was quite strong so he carried the panthers body over his shoulder...while using it's head to cover his crotch...not wanting to draw anymore attention to himself then he probably already would...he took a short cut through 'Vlt Tooch's' lair...although the centuries has caused it to be reclaimed by the jungle...it still seemed less wild and dilapidated then the main jungle...
In any case all he had to do was grab some supplies that could still be found here -an electro-net, yes! -go past the shattered remains of the false prophets followers...go past the open vault door and-
Finn did a double-take...the vault...THE VAULT DOOR WAS OPEN! Finn dropped the panther corpse astonished...he knew he should immediately tell his tribe about this...but this...this was...this was...
ADVENTURE TIME!
Shouted Finn as he ran happily naked out into the world...Finn took a deep breath of fresh air...and realized. "I'm the first of my kind to step outside since the mushroom war...Can this day get any better?!"
Then he hears a noise nearby and looks over to it...and smirks... "It can..and it has...MATHMATICAL!"
...
"Come on girls!" Shouted Twilight as she lead the way. "That whole thing with the bridge and the 'Shadowbolts' took up way too much time! We need to find the elements of Harmony before Nightmare moon-
THWAP!
ZAP!
GAH!
The electro-net descended on them, zapping all six of them...they then fell unconscious...one by one...
Finn whistled a happy tune as he dragged them back to the vault. "Such exotic food...the tribe will have to see me as a hero now!"
...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me