For all of those too old to believe but too young to let go…
Must be Santa
This Christmas held a handful of firsts for her. But what had her heart racing wasn't the huge, decorated tree, or the lights flickering silently to its own melody. Nor was it the blanket of snow outside, the warm glow of the fire inside, or the anticipation of her second favorite smell: the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.
Her all-time favorite smell belonged to the woman currently using her as a human pillow.
Ashley took a deep, languid breath, and let it out slowly, goosebumps covering her skin as her slender fingers snuck underneath an oversized hockey shirt, lazily drawing doodles on her sleeping wife's warm back. She kept her eyes closed, wanting to stay in the moment forever. It was moments like these she cherished more and more every day, not having the opportunity to wake up so peacefully every morning. And she knew if she didn't get her ass out of bed within the next couple of minutes, there wouldn't be peace in their little family for the next couple of years. Or quite possibly ever again.
A sigh escaped her, the same time her eyelids fluttered open dramatically, squinting to make out what time the digital alarm clock was displaying. She didn't even know why there was one to start with. Who needed an alarm clock while they were on holiday?
Ashley stifled a disgruntled moan. It was bad enough that it was still dark out. But 5AM? Really?
She couldn't believe she'd been talked into this. It's been years since she last had to get up so early. And it was never willingly. Neither was this, but it was the price she had to pay for wanting a fairytale Christmas with just her wife and kids.
So 5AM really felt like a first after so long.
It took some time to maneuver herself out from underneath her wife without waking her. For someone who could wake up before their kids even decided they'd cry, Spencer was really milking it this Christmas morning. Ashley was partly stunned, and partly worried that the blonde hardly twitched as her sleeping position changed. But a quick feel to the forehead and hand just below the collarbone confirmed that nothing was wrong; Spencer was just fast asleep, unfairly so.
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, her bare feet tickled by the soft rug covering parts of the cabin's wooden floor. Ashley blindly felt around the floor until her fingertips brushed against Spencer's fluffy bunny slippers, and without second thought, slid her feet inside.
With great reluctance, she finally pushed herself off the bed, immediately missing the comfort of Spencer's spastic sleeping habits, and the warmth it offered during their freezing Canadian winter holiday.
Which was another first for her. The cold, the snow, the scenery - it was all things Ashley Davies, born into fame and a lavish LA lifestyle, had never experienced. She smiled softly to herself, her heart warming at the realization of just how much Spencer's presence had changed her life for the better. Though they still lived in LA, and quite comfortably so, they were both on a journey of exploration and appreciation. Ashley sometimes more than Spencer - having grown up so differently from her tight-knit family-bound wife.
The thought of family warmed her even more. Years ago she couldn't grasp the mere concept of it. She thought of her own little family, a family that she created with Spencer, and a wide smile formed stupidly on her face.
She loved these quiet moments of epiphany.
And though she longed to share this one with Spencer, Ashley didn't want to wake her. It's been so long that Spencer last had a chance to sleep in. Or at least after 5AM.
She'd been in her own head for so long, her heart momentarily stopped when her eye landed on the digital clock again. 05:25AM. There wasn't much time left.
It was still dark in the room, but by now her eyes had adjusted enough for her to spot the extra large suitcase in the corner, skillfully packed with dozens of wrapped gifts.
Ashley grabbed towards the suitcase handle, almost grunting out loud when she realized how heavy it was. She'd forgotten how many gifts they'd had to drag along, all the way from LA. It was Spencer's idea to hide it in the suitcase, just like it was Spencer's idea that they had to keep the tradition going until the kids were old enough to realize their house didn't have a chimney and Santa had no way of breaking and entering to deliver gifts.
She wondered fleetingly who'd be first to figure it out. And how much she'd have to pay whoever to not ruin it for their siblings.
Carly was already nearing that time; at the age of ten she was too clever for her own good. But so was Brody, at the mere age of five. Brian, though not slow, enjoyed living in oblivion far too much. Ashley blamed it on the unhealthy amount of time he spent with his uncle on the basketball court. She loved Glen dearly, but sometimes she wished he'd realize kids Brian and Brody's age soaked up everything like a sponge. Especially foul language.
The trip downstairs almost turned out disastrous. Ashley had to keep the heavy suitcase off the floor to make it quietly to the overly decorated living area. But Spencer's slippers were living up to its name on the polished wooden floors; and several times Ashley saw herself being airlifted to the closest emergency room.
A huge sigh escaped her as she finally lowered the suitcase to the floor, the muscles in her back and arms burning from the strain. She was thankful that everybody was responsible for their own packing and logistics after unwrapping the shameful amount of gifts.
It took a great amount of time to unpack the suitcase and neatly stack the gifts in such a way that Spencer wouldn't complain. If it was up to Ashley, she'd had left it all in the suitcase and just unzipped the lid, but Spencer insisted everything had to be unpacked, and be put under the tree. Ashley duly complied, excitement starting to rise as she stared at the picture-perfect creation in front of her.
She almost wished she was still young to believe in the magic too.
But compared to seeing the joy on her own children's faces, Ashley wouldn't trade places for anything in the world.
She hid the now empty oversized suitcase in the empty linen closet situated under the beautifully handcrafted wooden stairs, and sauntered over to the large kitchen area, wishing again that she could share this moment with Spencer. She was torn between waking her wife to witness this or let her sleep in and get in some much needed sleep.
On the kitchen island counter sat three plates filled with goodies, each accompanied with a glass of milk, and she chuckled heartily at her children's personality traits. She could distinguish without a doubt which plate belonged to which child.
Brody was the easiest. Like Spencer - exactly like Spencer - his plate had only one Oreo but eight carrots. Of course Santa was already looked after by everyone else, so he didn't need any more delicacies - according to the two blondes. They were more concerned about the reindeer, and Ashley snorted at the irony that it was exactly these two blondes who had the worst sweet tooth of all of them.
Carly's plate was neatly organized; four Oreos, each with one side removed, exposing the white filling. Carly must have used a skewer to carve out the music notes into the cream. Creative as always, Ashley admired her daughter's handiwork.
Brian was a typical kid. There were more than a dozen Oreos stacked onto his plate, and Ashley knew he had help from his older sister to pack it neatly into a pyramid.
She felt bad having to ruin their hard work. She grabbed for Spencer's camera on the counter, thankful that her wife had left it there, and snapped a couple of shots before popping an Oreo into her mouth while grabbing a lunchbox from a kitchen cupboard. She emptied the plates into the lunchbox, knowing Spencer would love their midnight snack later on. She gulped down all the milk, and with minutes to spare, raced back upstairs to jump back into bed before the kids started waking up.
"I told you so."
"I always thought it was grandpa. Isn't Santa supposed to be a man?"
"Did you not see Mom carry that heavy suitcase downstairs? She's stronger than a man. Maybe Mom is Superman too!"
"Mom would be way cooler as Batman."
"Could you two shut it? I'm trying to read here."
"So if Mom is Batman, who would Mommy be?"
"Cinderella!"
"Cinderella's not a superhero, doofus."
"Stop calling me a doofus!"
"Stop being so whiny."
"Stop it, both of you, or I'll tell them you know."
Ashley frowned, stopped dead in her tracks, and listened carefully. She was almost sure she just heard herself being compared to Batman.
Which meant the kids were awake, having a conversation that sounded far too eerie for her liking.
So she backtracked and leaned against the doorframe of the large guest room, listening with interest as the twins fought over Spencer's superhero status. Brody was ever so sweet to think his Mommy was a Cinderella. She pictured her wife more as a Harley Quinn type of girl. Her kids had obviously never seen their mother's crazy side.
Yet.
Her ears perked when Brian accused his brother of being a doofus, and she hissed, cursing Glen under her breath. He was the only person Brian could have picked that up from.
Carly reprimanded both of them, and she decided to step in and quiet them down before they woke Spencer.
"Tell us you know what?" Ashley asked, making her presence known.
She almost laughed at the guilty expressions on their faces. Carly averted her eyes and hid behind her book while Brian shrugged and Brody's cheeks turned bright red. He was such an easy target that Ashley felt sorry for him.
So she turned to Carly instead. "Tell us what, Carly?" She took a couple of steps into the room and closed the door behind her, letting them know she was going to stay until she had answers.
Carly sighed and reluctantly lowered her book down to her lap. Bright blue eyes dulled slightly and her shoulders sagged as she broke the news. "We know it's you. Santa, I mean."
Ashley's shoulders sagged the same way her daughter's did just seconds ago. She plopped down on the double bed, feeling deflated as she stared at her kids, dumbfounded. "How? You're not supposed to know! You're only babies!"
"Mom, we're almost six," Brody answered matter-of-factly.
"And I'm a pre-teen, my teacher says so," Carly added, rubbing salt in the obvious aging wound.
Ashley felt tears pooling onto her bottom eyelids, her lip quivering as her gaze shifted between her children. Where have all the years gone? What had happened to her babies? Spencer was going to be devastated!
"You can't tell Mommy!" she blurted out, imagining how heart-broken Spencer would be if she found out. "You have to pretend that you don't know!" A frown formed on her forehead. "How long have you known?"
She wasn't sure if her children was just trying to spare her feelings when Brody quickly quipped that they'd only found out this morning. He continued without a breath to explain their master plan to capture the entire Santa experience on camera; all from how they came up with the idea months ago up to the moment they saw her stuff an Oreo into her mouth and drink all the milk. They had to bolt back to the room after that and pretend that they were still fast asleep.
"Are you sure you only found out now?" Ashley tried to convince herself that this could still be fixed. They could still fool Spencer. She was gullible like Brody.
"Well, I knew for a while. Grandpa Arthur isn't fat like Santa on TV," Carly admitted softly. "But I didn't tell the twins, I promise."
Ashley sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, her mind racing at how they'd be able to keep this up for the next twenty years without Spencer finding out.
"Okay, so here's what we're going to do. I'm going to go back to bed, and you wait for half an hour then come wake us up. And you better act excited. If you manage to pull this off, I'll add ten bucks to your allowances for a year."
She watched three heads nod vigorously in agreement, and satisfied that her children would play along, Ashley finally got up from Carly's bed and padded to the door. "Remember, excited. And surprised. And Brody, don't forget to go look for reindeer droppings."
"Eew," Carly breathed out.
"Mommy, look! Santa gave all the carrots to his reindeer!"
Ashley made sure to stand behind Spencer so her wife couldn't see how hard she was trying to hide the smile - and guilt - from her face the entire time her poor kids had to act surprised and excited.
She felt terrible for lying to Spencer, but it was one of those times when it was absolutely necessary - she couldn't bear the thought of crushing Spencer's holiday spirit by telling her that Carly was a pre-teen already and that the twins were almost six!
So they all played along, musing at the emptied milk glasses, Oreo crumbs left behind in the plates, and the abundance of gifts stacked under the Christmas tree, an obvious sign that Santa visited during the morning hours to do his delivery to the Davies-family.
Ashley was especially entertained by the way Spencer ate it all up.
She diligently handed out the neatly wrapped gifts, amazed and thankful for having in-laws and her own mother who loved their kids like true grandparents did. There were even gifts from Glen, Clay, and Kyla; the same way Ashley and Spencer had bought gifts for their nieces and nephews.
Christmas lunch preparation was a combined effort between the two of them while the kids were enthralled with their gifts.
"Ash, thank you for this," Spencer whispered, a loving smile on her face as she glanced into brown eyes.
Ashley felt her cheeks redden. "Of course, Spence. It's been an amazing morning."
Spencer put the knife down on the cutting board, pausing her duties for a moment to hug her wife. "It's been incredible. Thank you for getting up early to do everything. It really means a lot."
Ashley gulped to swallow down the guilt. Despite the good intentions of the little white lie she shared with her children, it didn't make her feel good to know she was deceiving her wife.
"I wish we could stop the clock for a while, you know? I don't want our babies to grow up. What are we going to do when they find out Santa's not real? Do you think they'll be mad?" Spencer sighed out loud, not even waiting for Ashley to respond. "I mean, I remember so clearly when I found out. I was fourteen and the kids at school teased me forever about it. I was heartbroken for months. It's only when Carly was born when I started truly feeling excited about the whole thing again. You know, the vibe and excitement and everything. Is that wrong of me?"
Ashley's heart broke for so many reasons. She bit her lip to suppress a smile at Spencer's will to believe for so many years that Santa was real. But at the same time it saddened her to hear how heartbroken her wife was, and how sad the memory still made her. Cupping Spencer's face in her hands, Ashley stared into bright blue eyes, trying to decipher the millions of emotions flashing through them in a frenzy.
"It's not wrong of you. And we'll keep the tradition up and going for as long as we can, okay?" Ashley left out the part where she'd have to explain paying extra pocket money to their kids for the rest of her life. She was just thankful that they hardly seemed bothered that it wasn't real, and had fun in playing along.
"I love you, Ash."
Ashley planted a kiss on Spencer's nose and pulled back, eager to get lunch on the table and check out her own gifts afterward. "I love you too, Spence. Let's finish up here, shall we?"
"Wow, I can't believe it's been ten years. It's sad that Carly couldn't make it this year."
Ashley grunted with a nod as she hauled the heavy suitcase into the master bedroom, relieved as she pushed it into the corner to hide it away from curious eyes for the night. Despite Carly's absence, the extra large suitcase was still filled to the brim, and as heavy - if not heavier- as it was ten years ago.
Ashley dropped down on the queen sized bed, her head landing on the pillows with a puff. "Well, considering how heavy that thing is, I'm actually relieved she's not here this time around."
From the corner of her eye, Ashley watched her wife stare at the suitcase, a loving smile on her face. It was the very same smile Spencer sported when she thanked Ashley for playing the Santa role ten years ago. She played it well - it's been ten years and Spencer still believed her kids thought he was real.
The white lie still made her feel guilty, but the years of happy Christmas holidays afterward was well worth it.
They followed the tradition religiously; ensuring the kids were settled and ready for bed, an intimate night spent together on Christmas eve, Ashley waking up at 5AM - leaving Spencer to sleep in a little, hauling the heavy suitcase downstairs to unpack the gifts, munching on an Oreo and gulping down milk while tossing the rest into a lunchbox, and stop by the guest room to negotiate new terms and the ever increasing hush-money.
"One fifty."
Ashley's eyes nearly bulged out. "A month?"
Brian nodded with a smirk, making Ashley want to slap it off his face.
"No way. That's too much. Mommy will definitely find out. Plus, how do you go from ninety to one-fifty?" Ashley mused, her gaze shifting between the twins.
Brody shrugged. "Inflation, Mom. Have you not being paying attention to how expensive life is?"
Ashley felt like a fish out of water. The twins knew they were going to get away with this, they knew she couldn't let Spencer find out after all these years. Her mouth opened and closed, her brain unable to make it utter out the figure she wanted to offer.
"A hundred is just not enough, Mom," Brian taunted knowingly. "One fifty, take it or leave it. But you know Mommy's going to be devastated."
Ashley huffed out an expletive under her breath and finally agreed with a nod. "Fine. One-fifty. But this is the last year for increases. I can't afford it anymore."
The twins high-fived as Ashley left the room, their whispers hushed as the door closed behind her.
"So, one-fifty from Mommy, and one-fifty from Mom. Do you think they'll ever figure it out?" Brian mused excitedly.
Brody laughed heartily. "Well, they haven't for ten years. I just can't believe Mom thinks Mommy is so gullible. She's so not Batman anymore."
"Yeah, no way. Mommy earned her villain status, though. Harley Quinn? What do you think?"
"They're both crazy to have set each other up like that. If Mommy's Harley Quinn then Mom needs to be The Joker. They're perfect for each other."
Both twins laughed until their sides hurt, willing to keep up the Santa secret for as long as they could. It wasn't so much about the hush-money - which they used to buy Christmas gifts - as it was the spirit of Christmas and keeping the loving smiles on their mothers' faces…
Hope you all had a fantastic Christmas! Thanks for reading!