There's a knock on my door and I know in an instant who it is. Who else would show up right after I've arrived at the training centre in the Capitol? I sigh and get of my bed to unlock the door.
He's leaning against the wall, hands tying and untying knots in a little rope, eyes cast down but with a grin on his face. "Hey princess."
I slap him on his arm. "It's not because you consider yourself royalty that I do too, Finnick."
I say it with an angry voice but a smile appears on my face and I let him in.
"Well no, but you're my best friend and when you're best friends with royalty it makes you royalty too," he says while making himself comfortable on my bed. "How have you been?"
I just shrug and walk over to the bathroom but I leave the door open. "Same as everyone except for Brutus and Enobaria. It sucks. I feel miserable but at least I'm one of the few Victors who is capable of hiding that particular feeling. How have you been?"
I look at him in the mirror while applying a thick layer of mascara. He says nothing for several minutes. He just stares at my ceiling, his hands folded under his head.
"Hmm," I say, putting the brush back in the tube of mascara, "guess you're not that good at hiding that particular feeling as I am. But then again, when have you ever beaten me?"
I turn around and smile, my hands on my hips, showing off my body and face. "How do I look?"
He lifts his head a little and looks at me, his lips sticking forward as if he's thinking really hard what to say. "You look like someone who could win the Hunger Games twice. And for the record, I have beaten you several times at…stuff. But I won't beat you in these Hunger Games."
I grab one of my sweaters of the drawer and throw it at his head. "Stop being so miserable about being a tribute again and just tell me how I look."
"Do you even care if you look good or not?" he asks me. "I thought you didn't even try anymore. You know, to look good on your dates."
I roll my eyes at him. "I still don't. I'm just trying to get your mind off things and to fucking answer my question!"
He jumps off the bed and walks over to where I stand. "You look good, Jo. Just…"
"What? What is it?"
"Your hair. It doesn't go with that dress like this."
"What the hell? It's just hanging loose. What's the matter with that?"
"I told you, it doesn't go with the dress! This dress has no back so I would, if I was your date, prefer your hair to be up. You have a nice back, so show it."
I stare at him in amazement. "Since when have you become my stylist, Odair?"
He smirks and puts his hands on my arms to turn me around. "Let me just fix your hair for you."
Five minutes later and my dark brown hair is up. It does look nicer although I would never admit this out loud. Finnick sees is anyway. He knows I like it more now. I turn around again when he speaks.
"Why do you have a date now? I mean, the tribute parade is like, in four hours or so. Where are your stylist and escort?"
I sigh and grab my purse. "I guess no one really thinks I'll survive these Hunger Games so they want to have me while they still can. They gave me a list of all the people who have 'reserved' me. I had to pick one for every day. So, I'll be back in an hour. Okay?"
He looks at me, his eyes drowning in pity. "Don't look at me like that, Odair. It is how it is."
"Not for long if everything goes well," he says while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"When has anything gone well in my life, huh?" I say with a chuckle. "Anyway, after my date, I want to cut my hair. Turn into the ruthless killer I once was."
I give him a peck on his cheek and wave goodbye as I leave for my date. Before the door falls into its hinges, I hear Finnick shout "You may not have killed people in the last six years but you're still ruthless, princess!"
Before I close the door completely, I turn around and peek my head around it. "And, fix my hair? Really? You're such a girl sometimes, Odair!"
"Been spending a lot of time with them. Girl rubs off on me," he answers before coming over to close the door himself.
Right, make yourself at home, I think.
"Come on, Jo. You really want to cut your hair? It's so nice like this, so long. I like it!" Finnick says while letting his hands touch my hair.
I'm sitting in a chair, ready for him to cut my locks . This time, I insisted he cut it. I didn't want my prep team to do it. Let them have the shock of their lives in thirty minutes.
"Snow likes it too this long. That's why I'm cutting it," I answer.
He drops the scissors immediately and rushes over to the other side of the chair so he faces me.
"What?" he shouts. "Snow will want to kill you if he finds out you did this to infuriate him!"
I smirk. "Seriously? He has wanted to kill me ever since I entered my arena. I guess now he actually found a way to do it: by putting me in the arena with Victors who are much stronger than me."
He looks at me with a confused look on his face. "What's the matter with you? Since when don't you consider yourself the strongest, the smartest, the best?"
"What's the matter with you? Since when have you become my mother? Seriously Finnick, stop worrying about me, stop fixing my hair, just stop hovering! Now cut my freaking hair!"
"No! If you want your hair short so president Snow won't like it anymore, that's fine. But I won't be responsible for your death, do you hear me?"
He looks at me with the same look Effie Trinket always has on her face whenever her tributes show no respect to 'manners'. It would be incredibly funny if it wouldn't be this serious.
"Please Finnick, don't sugarcoat yourself. You're already responsible for my upcoming death, just as I am responsible for yours. We weren't supposed to be this close, we weren't supposed to be best friends. Snow didn't want this and we knew it yet we continued our late-night drinks and our endless phone-calls when we were apart. So if you didn't want to be responsible for my death, you should've walked away six years ago."
Right when we are in the middle of our angry-staring-at-each-other my prep-team and escort come in. "Out, Finnick," Belli shouts while she makes weird hand-gestures at the door, "Your prep-team is waiting on your own floor. Not that you need to be prepped…" she adds with a little wink. I just roll my eyes at him and he smiles. Argument long forgotten.
"Guess what you're wearing, Johannaaaa!" Belli asks me a little bit too enthusiastically after Finnick has left the room. I swear, if I roll my eyes at everything my escort says, they would've fallen out a long long time ago!
My prep-team is holding up a huge hanger with a bag on it that has weird bulges. Of course, a tree.
"Oh please, I'd rather go naked!"
Belli clicks with her tongue. "No dear, I know most Victors aren't prudish but some new Victors might feel a little uncomfortable. They're so fresh, they haven't even been spending much time in the Capitol so …" she trails off but my mind is already working overtime.
"Excuse me, Belli!" I shout while heading towards the elevator as quick as I can. I ignore all the angry yells and screams they throw at my head and push on the button that says '4'.
"Johanna? What..?" Finnick says when he sees me coming out of the elevator, a wide grin plastered on my face.
"Wanna have some fun, Odair?" I simply ask.
"What do you have in mind, miss Mason?"
"I don't know, we could have a little bit of fun with the newbies, Katniss and her loverboy. Want to put money on who she hates more by the end of the day?"
His grin widens and so does mine. We know each other so well we could've been identical twins. With weird mind-reading and such.
"Oh please, keep your clothes on this time!" he says, as if disgusted.
I take my face closer to his and narrow my eyes, smile still lingering on my lips. "I have my ways, you have yours, Sugar." putting emphasis on the last word.
"Oh my god!" Finnick's escort chimes in dramatically, "That would be such a scandal! Panem's most loved couple leaving each other for Panem's most seductive two-some! Oh, the gossip, the gossip!"
Finnick and I look at each other in confusion and burst out in laughter. "See you in an hour, Finn!" I say when walking towards the elevator, still laughing.
I see Finnick walking over to Katniss, who looks very destructive by the way. She makes me want to take my freaking fucking ugly clothes off this instant. For the obvious reason that she looks destructive and I don't although I am definitely the most destructive and vicious of all the women contributing. I look like a freaking tree and Finnick looks like a freaking fish caught in a net. Why the hell would Cinna pick District 12? Ugh!
Finnick leans casually against a horse and gets closer to Katniss with every word he says, every once in a while popping a sugar cube in his mouth. She obviously feels uncomfortable but I know I can do better, I'm just waiting for the right moment.
Finnick comes over to me, raising his eyebrows as if asking Well, how did I do?. I just laugh mockingly.
"Okay," he says, "then show me your thing. Come on, go!"
"No," I answer, "I'll just wait for the right moment." While I say it, I pat his cheek with my flat hand.
He grabs my wrist before I can slap a little harder, like I always do, and asks me when that right moment is.
"Well, look at them. After the tribute parade, they will be full of themselves because of all the success. That's the right moment. Just watch and learn, little Odair."
My escort and stylist call me to go to my carriage so I turn around and do as they say but not before giving a mischievous glance towards Peeta. Finnick chuckles and makes his way over to his carriage where Mags is already standing. It's sad actually. Mags is such an old lady, one of the only Victors who still have my respect, and there's she clad in the same net as Finnick. I suppose she doesn't really care. She volunteered for Annie, she wants to give her life to make Finnick happy so why would she care? She's old enough to die so why not die for a good cause? I would've done the same as her. Finnick may mean a lot to her but he means a lot to me too so I would've volunteered to take Annie's place as well. Mags probably did it to protect Annie. I would do it to protect Finnick. With Annie in the arena, Finnick wouldn't stand a chance; he would give his life for her from the very first second. I sigh.
"You nervous?" Blight asks me when I have mounted the carriage.
I glare at him. "Me? Seriously? If you don't know anything smarter to say, than you should just shut up." He shrugs at my answer and looks at Katniss and Peeta in their glowing catsuits.
"They look good!" he says.
I let out a frustrated groan. "Like I said: shut up!"
The parade begins and I must admit I feel a little bit proud hearing my name a lot. Not as often as Katniss' or Peeta's but that's just because they're the new ones and without each other, they're nothing. I on the other hand, am an individual, not a pair with someone else. I smile arrogantly at that thought.
When I get off my carriage, I pass by Haymitch and give him a high five with an mocking but still well-meant 'Congratulations, this is the very first time I see you this sober'.
"How did I do?" Finnick asks when I arrive at his carriage and he had to push through the crowd surrounding him to get to me.
"Terrific, sweetheart. Mommy's so proud of you!" I say with a peck on his cheek.
He pushes me aside. "Shut up, Jo. Don't be this scornfully."
"Don't ask stupid questions."
"Deal. So, when's your big moment?"
"You'll have to wait for it just a little bit longer."
We just continue talking for the next ten minutes until I see Katniss and her crew leave for the elevators so I nudge Finnick and nod towards them.
"Now?" he asks. I nod again and follow them casually, Finnick right beside me.
I hurry a little bit so I'm walking right next to Katniss and start talking animatedly about girly stuff like clothing (not really the perfect moment to throw my 'fashionable' headband away but anyway). Even the topic of conversation makes her uncomfortable. It's like she hates everything that says 'girl'. Fine, I'm not that girly myself but I do care about fashion and stuff. The good fashion, that is, not the thing my stylist considers fashion. But she is just so…I don't know… oblivious, innocent, stupid. I glance sideways and see Finnick raising his eyebrows, questioning if this is my 'big moment'. When we're all waiting for the elevator to come, I decide this is the right time so I unzip my dress, which is supposed to resemble a tree, and let it fall to the ground. I see Katniss cheeks turn scarlet red and have to suppress a smirk. I notice even Peeta has to keep himself from laughing at Katniss' face. Peeta. Bingo. When a loud ping! announces the arrival of the elevator, I make sure I'm in the same one as they are and start talking to Peeta about his paintings (Finnick told me Peeta's specialty was painting) and watch amusedly how furious Katniss is getting. Mission accomplished. Pay up, Odair.
After having stared at the ceiling of my bedroom for the past 45 minutes, I decide to go to the roof of the training centre. I have the feeling there might be some other tributes there but I don't care. It's not like I am going to run into them, the roof is big enough. I'm glad with my decision to bring a blanket with me, it's quite chilly this night. I drape the blanket around my shoulders as I walk over to the edge at the north side of the rooftop. Finnick, Haymitch, Chaff and I made it our little place. It's pretty well hidden although there's a bench, a table and a liquor cabinet. This dates from five years back. Haymitch and Chaff never came here again: they were too busy having drinks downstairs which caused them to be too drunk to be able to get up here. So it became the place of just Finnick and me. Tonight, it appears, I'll be the only one sitting here so I open the cabinet and take out a bottle of my favorite liquor. I'm not drinking with the cause of getting drunk, just to have something to do. I settle myself comfortably on the bench and look up. I wish the Capitol had thought of putting stars in the sky. I mean, they can control everything so why not the sky? With their so-called 'eye for beauty', they should've thought about that.
After an hour or so, I hear footsteps behind me so I turn around only to look at a very colorful Finnick. I raise my eyebrows. "Thought you didn't have a date tonight." I say.
He nods several times, takes my feet of the bench and puts them in his lap when he's sitting down as well. "Turns out I did. She was part of the prep team for District 10."
"I noticed," I say, pointing to his face which is painted with purple flowers.
I start laughing and he joins me immediately. "I know, it's ridiculous. But I wanted to show you. How do I look?" he says, quoting me from prior this day. I kick my foot in his face but he pulls his head back so I miss.
"Jo, why did you dress up so nicely this afternoon?" he asks with a serious face, his hands firm around my feet.
I cast my eyes down. "I wanted to look nice when I still could. That's the truth."
"That's the truth?"
"Would I lie to you?" I ask, my eyes piercing his. He shakes his head.
I shift my whole body so my feet are at the other side of the bench and my head is resting on his shoulder. "Since we are being sentimental, can I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
"What will you miss the most?"
"You mean when we're in the arena and there's a very big chance we'll die in there?"
I nod.
He seems to think about it a very long time. Such a long time that I'm starting to think he has fallen asleep. When I lift up my head, I see his eyes are still open and he's trying to rub off the flowers on his face. I suppose he doesn't want to answer the question and start to lighten the mood again. "My complements to the prep-girl. She sure knows which make-up is the most resistant!" I say with a laugh and start rubbing his cheeks. He suddenly answers my question.
"I'll miss the ocean, the freedom of water, the destructive force of it. I'll miss my family. I'll miss –"
"Yeah, I get it. You'll miss a lot. But what will you miss the most?"
"I'll miss the girl I love the most." he answers while turning his head to face me.
"Annie," I breathe with a hint of a smile on my lips.
He looks at the sky for a moment or two before he says anything.
"The weird thing is that I don't know who I'm referring to."
I look at him, confusion very clearly on my face.
"I don't know if I mean Annie or you, Jo."
The confused look becomes even more apparent now and I have absolutely no idea what to say or what to think.
"Listen. I love Annie. I do. But I love you too. As my best friend, yes, but also something more. I don't know how to explain this the right way but there's a very big difference between those two loves. I love Annie because she needs me, I'm like the only medicine that works for her…episodes. And I love her for her innocence, her fairness. And then there's you, who is supposed to be just my best friend. You and your arrogance, bluntness, dark humor, aggression. You're the complete opposite of Annie. And yet, you fit me too. It's like I'm made up of two parts: one part that matches Annie and one part that matches you."
"Double personality? They call it schizophrenia." is the only thing I can come up with right now.
He sighs. "Johanna, I don't understand it myself. Well, I do actually but I don't know how to explain it. Annie's just…gone. I mean, she comes back a lot of times and then she's my Annie again but most of the time, she's somewhere else where I can't reach her. And you are always within reach. Whenever I need you, you're there. Whether it's on the phone or in real life, you're always there. No one knows you this way. You're the same person with me as you are with other people but you're more open. I get to see underneath that cold, hard layer of cruelty. And guess what, you might not know it but you have a great personality. You're dark and twisted, yes, but you're a great girl and I love you for … all of that!"
"Could you please stop with the corniness? You make me want to vomit. Prep-girl fed you a love potion?" I say with a smile on my face.
I do hate his cheesy speech but I don't hate the meaning of it. Not at all. It had taken me a long time to realize that I felt more towards Finnick than just friendship but I never told him because a) it didn't seem fair to Annie because she wouldn't be here to defend what's hers and b) I wasn't sure how I would drop the bomb. But now, I didn't have to because he already blew up the whole village, (continuing my metaphor).
"You really hate what I just said?" he says hesitantly.
"Why do you think I put up with your boyish tantrums and stupid topics of conversation for so long? Do you really think I would have stuck around if I didn't love you? God, you can be so oblivious, Odair!" I say laughing.
He smiles back at me and pushes my head back on his shoulder so he can rest his head on mine. I feel him smiling against the top of my head. I shift so I can face him and before I can register what I'm even doing, what we're even doing, I'm pressing my lips against his, my hand resting on his cheek and his around my waist to hold me steady. I have been dreaming of this moment for a very long time but I always knew it would stay that, a dream. Yet here I am, kissing my best friend as if my life depended on it. It took our death sentence to realize what we felt for each other. I have to give thanks to Snow for this. I feel Finnick deepen our kiss and I feel nothing but happiness for the first time in six years.