Summary: Comical version/ mocking of when the marauders discover that Remus is a werewolf….
In the dormitory Sirius, James and Peter are waiting for Remus to get back from his Aunts deathbed.
"Which Aunt was this again?" Sirius asked his friends. Remus had had a lot of sick relatives, mainly Aunts, ever since he came to Hogwarts.
"Uhh Aunt Mathilda I think…Peter do you know?" James was situated lazily on his bed, writing out a copy of his notes for Remus.
"…" Peter did not reply but preferred to stare into space.
"Whatcha say Petey ol' boy?" Sirius eyed Peter with a look of mock concern on his face.
"…" Once again, Peter did not answer.
"Pete what's 2 plus 2?" James grinned, thinking anyone would know that but was slightly startled by Peter's answer.
"…" Or lack thereof.
"Hmm you know St. Mungos has a Psychiatric ward with people like you." Sirius jested as usual and picked up a Quidditch magazine
"…" Peter did not even blink at this statement.
"What's Sirius' middle name?" James smirked, awaiting the outburst that was to come.
"Hey! You can't speak that name in this room! I will kill you! I will become a werewolf and eat you! I will destroy the part of your body you need to get Lily! You won't be safe anywhere! I will hunt you down boy!" He looked very serious indeed, no pun intended.
"…" Peter remained unaware of anything happening.
"Geez I was just kidding. Seriously Sirius." James eyed his friend with a mock look of seriousness but there was humor in his eyes.
"Wait a minute…werewolf. Yesterday was the full moon! I wonder if Remus heard a werewolf at his aunts." Sirius smiled at his realization and jumped up from where he was sitting.
"Come to think of it Remus is always gone at the full moons…Maybe he has a lycanthropic relative! And and and he's the only one who can stay with him." James was now standing, having dropped the half-written notes on the floor.
"That's it! You gotta be right. Or or or or or uh, Remus could be a girl and not wanna tell us. He could be PMS-ing!" After he said the words, he grimaced and shook his head.
"Naw, On the full moons? Although he's never taken his shirt off in front of us.." James seemed to be slightly considering the option.
"…" Peter remained in La-La land.
"Well he's 13 like the rest of us. And we have noticed his voice changing…guess I got carried away there?" Sirius grinned sheepishly and eyed the floor with great interest.
"Ah, whatever Sirius. Hmmm why does Remus disappear on the Full moons and come back with scratches and bruises? His sick Aunt can't of done that. She's died at least three times." James scratched his head in thought, clearly stumped by the issue.
"Lily had a silver necklace on yesterday. It fell off." Sirius began mimicking James' head scratching.
"Whoa random moment. What does that have to do with Remus? I mean I know I'm going to marry Lily but how's giving her necklace back gonna make us find out what's wrong with Remmy?" James eyed Sirius suspiciously.
"Remus saw it and wouldn't pick it up." He sighed heavily wondering why he even mentioned it.
"That bastard! How dare he treat my girlfriend like that?!" James appeared to be seething.
"She hates you. No wait, that's an understatement. She would love to see you humiliated by Snape. He's a Slytherin who calls her that terrible word and she likes him more than you. Sorry mate but you have no chance." He watched James for his reaction, readying himself to jump under the bed.
"Um thanks Siri that helps a lot." James had sat back down on the bed, next to the ever emotional Peter.
"I knew it would." He smiled in a clueless manner.
"I know…Remus won't touch silver…" He jumped off the bed with a look of realization on his face.
Suddenly Peter jumped off the bed and made eye contact with James. "Remus is a werewolf!" Both Sirius and James's faces mirrored each other in shock.
"Yes! I was just going to say that!" James was bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Werewolves are cool. Can we keep him?" Sirius had a joking look on his face as if he was trying to make the best of the situation but James took it rather seriously.
"He's not our pet, you dolt. Remus is his own person, not owned by any one. He will remain un-prejudiced by us! His friends! We will unite or die trying!" James had a look of determination etched into his face, hazel eyes sparkling.
"Die?" Peter fell to the floor and burst into tears.
"You prat! If you truly love your friends than you'd die for them if they were in trouble! It's the most Gryffindorly like thing to do! Slytherins are the ones who will abandon their friends when they're in trouble. We must not do this to Remus! He needs us! Understood?" Sirius was yelling in a military sort of voice.
"Yes Sir!" James and Peter exclaimed in unison.
"I don't know what I've been told!?" Sirius was marching in place now.
"I don't know what I've been told!?" Now James and Peter were marching in place.
"I uh, don't know the rest." He kept marching smiling to himself.
In perfect rhythm, James and Peter shouted, " I uh, don't know the rest!"
"Ok I'm done." Sirius sat down on the floor and was joined by Peter and James.
"Ah, the sweet smell of victory." He sniffed the air and smirked. "Or the sweet smell of three pubescent boys without deodorant."
"What we win? Do we get a trophy! Oh boy!" Peter was looking eagerly from James to Sirius.
"Nothing Pete." Sirius replied solemnly. "Nothing but the love and trust and devotion and happiness and safety of our friend, the werewolf!"
"Ok so we tell Remus we know as soon as we see him?" James had a pensive look on his face.
"Yes." Sirius nodded in agreement.
"Oh boy oh boy will there be popcorn?" Peter was licking his lips excitedly when the door opened.
"Popcorn? What's going on?" It was Remus, looking very tired and sickly but smiling at his friends nonetheless.
"Oh, um Rem, why don't you join us here on the floor." James looked at him apologetically.
"We've got something to tell you." Sirius offered a smile to his friend as he sat down, somewhat hesitantly.
"Remus, we've noticed that you've been disappearing on full moons." James began. Remus started to edge away from the circle of boys.
"We've come to the conclusion that you must be a werewolf." Sirius searched for Remus' face for a reaction. Well, it wasn't too hard to find one.
He stood up abruptly and walked over to his nightstand. As he pulled everything out of it, he began to shake slightly.
"Remus what are you doing?" Asked Sirius who remained the only boy still on the floor now. James and Peter had gotten up and sat at the bed.
"I have to leave Hogwarts. You guys wont want me around, right? I'm a werewolf for crissake." He began throwing stuff into his trunk.
"Remus, why don't you sit down and tell me how you feel." Sirius smiled kindly and looked the part of a shrink.
"You honestly think we're going to abandon you just because you're a werewolf? Hell, no Rem." James stared hard into Remus' tear-filled eyes with a look of maturity that would fit Albus Dumbledore.
"Come on Rem," Sirius stood up and walked over to him. "We don't mind. We're your friends forever, mate." He enveloped Remus in a hug.
"Group hug!" Peter exclaimed as he and James joined in.
"Marauder's forever." Remus whispered.
"Marauders. I like it." James and Sirius replied in unison.
"Guys, I still want popcorn…" Peter whined somewhat jokingly.
REVIEWWWWWWWWW or I'll die of some unheard of disease