- - -
Disclaimer: No part of Ugly Betty belongs to me. If it did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.
AN: A one-shot, set after 209 and before 210. Focus is on the Meade siblings, Daniel and Alexis. I solemnly swear that this is the last dead daddy fic I will write. Special thanks to MaskedDevera, for being very patient and extremely helpful. Enjoy.
Summary: For Daniel and Alexis, grief is a powerful force that cannot be denied.
- - -
The Storm
By Tathariel
- - -
"If I could just see you, everything would be all right. If I'd see you, this darkness would turn to light." - Lifehouse, Storm
- - -
A storm is brewing, and Daniel is alone.
He said goodnight hours ago, and now he is home in his apartment. Mode magazine is safe for yet another day.
Daniel is sitting on the couch, his knees tucked up under his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs as he contemplates life. It is a cold night, but Daniel is warm and comfortable in a loose-fitting tracksuit and socks. It has been a long day, and he is tired, but Daniel cannot sleep.
"Dad would be so proud of you."
The words echo loudly, and Daniel can't help but wonder.
Even in death Daniel's father haunts his steps. Daniel wants so much to believe his father would be proud of him, but he still has doubts. Daniel needs to hear it from his father, but now he never will. His father is gone. An invisible hand clutches his chest and squeezes. Daniel closes his eyes and forces his breathing to stay even. Daniel cannot cry.
Displays of emotion have always been heavily frowned upon by his father. Daniel has known that since he was a boy. Daniel didn't cry when his father passed away, or at the funeral. His mother shed tears, but Daniel knows his father would have forgiven her for that. Alexis didn't cry. Daniel couldn't.
They are family, Daniel and Alexis, but they are dissimilar from each other in many ways.
Alexis is independent and confident. She is fearless, sophisticated, and unaffected by other's opinions of her. Daniel feels like he is forever standing in her shadow. Daniel is dependent, always relying on his quirky assistant Betty to support him, encourage him, and reassure him. Daniel is insecure, and unsure, and easily affected by what other people think.
And now the rug has been ripped from underneath his feet, leaving Daniel more exposed and vulnerable than ever before. Daniel will never again talk with his father, and he will never know for sure just what his father thought of him.
The storm has been lurking for some time, rumbling thunder accompanied by flashes of lightning, but it is only now that it begins to rain. A spattering of thick, heavy raindrops is quickly followed by a deluge, a loud roar as it splatters against the building roof. Large raindrops splatter wetly against the glass of the window, and water rushes through clattering downpipes.
Daniel opens his eyes and shifts, lifting himself from the couch and crossing the floor to the window, where he rests his palms against the sill and leans forward. He presses his forehead against the cool glass and breathes heavily, momentarily fogging up the transparent surface. The rain is thick and heavy, and Daniel can barely see through the glass window out into the world beyond.
There is a loud clap of thunder and the night sky lights up in an eerie brilliance. Daniel wonders if the sun will ever shine again.
He can still scarcely believe his father is gone.
Over the roar of the rain Daniel imagines he hears three sharp knocks on his apartment door. He tears his gaze away from the rain, and crosses the room to the hallway beyond. The distinct knocks come again, and he knows now that he did not imagine them. They are real. Someone is knocking on his door. Daniel crosses quickly but quietly on his socked feet and peers through the peephole to the hallway beyond.
It is Alexis. In his surprise, Daniel's grief is momentarily forgotten. Immediately several thoughts cross Daniel's mind. First, Alexis has a key, and she hasn't been hesitant about entering without knocking in the past. Second, she hadn't called him to tell him she was coming. Third, there is a storm about.
Daniel opens the door to his decidedly frazzled sister. She is standing in his hallway, soaking wet and dripping. Her hair is plastered wetly against her scalp, her makeup has run, her clothes are clinging to her skin, and she is holding her shoes in one hand, a purse in the other. She isn't wearing a coat, and Daniel knows she must be freezing cold.
Daniel blinks.
"Alexis, why are you here? You're so wet. Were you walking around in the storm?"
Alexis is silent for a moment, and Daniel frowns as he notices her begin to shiver. He reaches out to clasp her forearms.
"Come inside."
Daniel guides his sister into the entranceway and closes the apartment door behind them.
"I'll grab some towels."
Daniel disappears down the hallway to gather some towels from his linen collection. He returns to find his sister exactly where he had left her. She is standing in her wet clothes still, her arms at her sides and her head bowed as rain trickles from her hair down her skin. The shivering has become more pronounced.
Daniel drops the towels in a pile on the floor, and then moves towards his sister.
"Alexis?"
She is silent, and motionless, and so Daniel reaches out to pry her wet shoes and purse from loose fingers. He drops them to the floor, and grabs a towel.
"Alexis, you're all wet. We need to get you dry," Daniel tells his sister. She is unresponsive, and so Daniel hesitantly begins to towel dry her exposed skin; her arms, hands, neck, and face. He then moves on to lift her wet hair and settle the towel around her shoulders. He steps away to grab another towel, but movement catches his eye. He turns back, watching in alarm as the shivering intensifies. Alexis lifts her head to gaze at him. Her lashes are as wet as the rest of her.
Daniel is struck into silence at the raw grief visible in his sister's eyes. He reaches a hand out to her, but stops short and lets it fall to his side once more. He doesn't know what to do.
Daniel swallows thickly, but it is Alexis who speaks, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Daniel."
Daniel nods.
"I'm here, Alexis. What's wrong?" Daniel already knows what is wrong, but he asks it anyway. Saying it makes it real.
Alexis looks down again.
"Dad's gone."
Daniel can anticipate what happens next. He steps forward suddenly, grabbing his sister awkwardly as her face crumples and her knees buckle. They both crash to the floor, Daniel's knees impacting painfully with the unyielding polished concrete as he takes the brunt of the fall.
Alexis is sobbing; huge, gasping sobs that shake her frame. She presses her face against his shoulder and her hands grasp at his shirt, and Daniel can do nothing but hang on to her as she cries. She is wet, cold, and crying, and Daniel wants so badly to take her grief away, but he knows exactly how she feels. He understands the pain in her eyes, and in her tears. It is the same pain he feels within his soul.
They have lost their father.
Burying him makes it indisputable. He is gone.
In that respect, Daniel and Alexis are the same. They are two children who constantly sought approval from a father who had expectations that could never be filled. They had both suffered at their father's hands, they were both damaged through his behaviour towards them, but they both loved him regardless. They will both miss him. He is gone, but he will never be forgotten by his children.
Daniel feels his earlier grief creep up on him again, and he tightens his grip on his sister as her sobs intensify. Alexis is openly expressing what Daniel cannot. Their father's passing has left a wound that is raw and painful. They are free of his controlling influence, but they will never be able to talk to him again. They would give anything for more time with their father.
Daniel can do nothing but clutch his sister to his chest as she breaks her heart. He can't make things right. Daniel's heart is breaking, too.
They are brother and sister, Daniel and Alexis, but they are different people who are different from each other in many ways. In many ways though, they are also the same. Huddled on the cold, hard floor of his apartment building, hugging his sister against him as they grieve, Daniel sees clearly both their differences and their similarities. On the surface Alexis is independent and confident, while Daniel is dependent and insecure. Underneath the surface they are both fragile and damaged, and fatherless.
Daniel vows to himself that from now on, they will weather storms together.
- - -