AN: I love Angel. I hope I captured her in this one, I'm a little nervous about it. Thoughts, pretty please?
Disclaimed.
Sometimes I watch them.
It hurts, but it makes me feel better, knowing that they are getting along without me.
Mimi is doing better since her visit. She and Roger seem almost happy, and to me, that's fantastic, and I know it'll get better once she's completely clean.
I miss her so very much. I miss girl nights, and talking about boys, and I miss how she would scold me whenever I said I didn't look good in something. I miss being there for her to cry on. I miss crying on her.
I miss Tom the most. And I think he feels the same way. Sometimes I see him looking at pictures of me, and he looks so heartbroken, and I just want to hug him, and kiss him, and tell him I'm fine, and that I'm waiting for him, whenever he's ready. I'd never, ever go on without him. I couldn't face the unknown without him at my side. I need protection, you know?
Once in a while, when I'm feeling really rotten, I want them to hurry up and die, so that we can be together again. Then I feel awful, wanting to deprive my best friends of the sort of happiness that you can only achieve when you're capable of change. I want Mimi to be a mami, like I know she wants to be. I want Tommy to reconcile with his parents. Find a student worthy of his knowledge, and pass it on. I would love to see them become much older and wiser than I was.
But, I'm afraid of them forgetting me. Of being left behind, them growing up and becoming these people that I don't know. It's selfish, I know, but I want my Mimi-chica to be my Mimi-chica when I see her again. And I want my gorgeous loverboy not to have outgrown me.
It's scary, and confusing, knowing that they are moving onwards. I'm not, I'm stuck exactly as I was. My character is sealed, and so is my physical form. For now, at least. I suppose if I were to actually continue into whatever the real afterlife is, I might change, but I don't want to go by myself. I'm not ready.
When I'm rational, I know I can wait. And I've always enjoyed being rational. So, I can wait. Even if it takes another seventy years. At the very least, I have something to do. And sometimes, I think they can hear me. So, maybe it's not as bad as I thought.
I'll wait for them. But, tomorrow is for me. They owe me.