Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own Teen Titans or the song So I Thought by Flyleaf. Wish I did, but I don't.
Beastboy sighed heavily. Some days it was just too much. Some days he wanted to run from everything and pretend that there had never been a girl named wanted to pretend that life for him had been good. That he wasn't some freak and his girlfriend hadn't betrayed him and his friends to the worst super villain the city had to offer.
That was it wasn't it…he was a freak. He didn't deserve the happiness he had felt with her. He didn't deserve to feel love or to dream of a home where he really should have known better than to hope that someone could love him for who he was instead of hating him for WHAT he was.
Tears began to fall from his eyes silently as he stared out over the ocean to the city beyond the tower.
Remembering what had been and picturing what might have been was getting him nowhere but depressed.
All your twisted thoughts free flow
To everlasting memories
Show soul
The way she'd made him feel, the way she smiled at him and even those all too infrequent nights they'd spent just looking at the stars and laughing until the alarm would sound, signaling that the city was in trouble again. Those memories haunted him. They should be good memories, but instead they were like a dagger to his heart.
Kiss the stars with me
And dread the wait for
Stupid calls returning us to life
He sighed again. Maybe the rest of the team had been right. They really had been too young to be using the word "love", but that's what it was…right?
We say to those who are in love
It can't be true 'cause we're too young
I know that's true because
So long I was
So in love with you
So I thought
He was a totally different person now and even he could recognize the changes. It had been the longest year of his life, but he was now more likely to be found sitting in his room, listening to music (at an acceptable decibel level) and thinking to himself than playing video games and being the towers resident jokester.
'Would she even like me now?' He thought.
What if she'd still been here and they'd gotten married…or even had kids? Would she still love him? Would he still love her?
Beastboy grumbled, "Or would I even be this way if she hadn't left."
The rest of the Titans had noticed the differences too, but to him they seemed to be enjoying the new Beastboy. The only one who had even attempted to get him to open up was Raven. But he'd quickly made some excuse and flown away as fast as he could. He wasn't ready yet. Not even for her.
A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
Raven levitated slightly above the floor of her room, meditating supposedly, but really she had been lost in her own thoughts for hours.
While this wasn't unusual in and of itself, it was the topic of her thoughts that had even the empath herself confused.
On my knees
Dim lighted room
Thoughts free flow try to consume
Myself in this
Beastboy was acting strangely. Hell he'd been acting strangely for months now, and she couldn't figure out why. He was quiet and, while that was what she'd always wanted, it was unnatural for him and she didn't like it.
She didn't know what had put him in this funk but, dare she say it, she was worried about him. Yes, she knew she cared for him but how deeply those feelings ran was a mystery even to her. Her last attempt at romance had ended horribly.
Malchior was an abomination, to be sure, and she knew she wasn't the first person he had tricked…but that didn't mean that the betrayal hadn't hurt just the same.
For a long time afterward she had been reluctant to trust men…any man. That had included the ones who had at one time been her best friends.
She knew in her heart that she hadn't lost all faith in men as a whole or even in matters of the heart. She just didn't know if she could handle getting lost in someone again. If they left her…she didn't know if she would ever get herself back.
I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
If she'd never fallen for that stupid man and his stupid lies, maybe she wouldn't have gotten herself into this mess. Maybe she would have been capable of helping Beastboy with his problems without being hindered by her own. Maybe ignorance was truly bliss.
Those memories of how he'd made her feel, his promises to marry her when she freed him. The tales he'd spun of how happy they could be. All lies. He'd lied to her for 6 months. She wiped her eyes and struggled to keep from crying.
Ignorance is bliss cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods
You learn too much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears
With pretty smiles and lies
About the times
These people around her were her teammates and friends and they knew a little of what had happened, but she couldn't tell them all of it…not yet. She just wasn't ready.
A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
The times weren't right
And I couldn't talk about it
They were two young heroes who had already given up their childhood by taking up the mantle to protect their beloved city. Now, though, they had new common ground. They'd been hurt. They'd been tricked into thinking that they had been accepted completely, despite their particulars oddities, but though they'd each given their trust completely, it had been betrayed. Their hearts had been broken by betrayal and lies. They both just wanted to be loved, but what they didn't know was that they each hoped to find that love in the other.
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
They had more in common than they realized. More than just the hurt that prevented them from reaching out to each other. But the pain clouded their judgment and that kept them apart. They both silently prayed to whatever deity was out there that maybe one day the other would realize how they felt.
'Raven is the only one who could ever understand me…she's the one who might be able to accept me for me. I wish I could tell her how much I love her.' Beastboy thought to himself, sadly.
And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
So we can talk about it
Raven's eyes shot open. Had she really just heard Beastboy's thoughts? Had he just spoken to her through her mind?
"B…Beastboy?" She projected nervously.
Now it was the changelings turn to jump
"Raven? Where are you?"
"I heard you…in my mind…I swear I wasn't trying to invade your privacy."
Beastboy paled. Had she just heard him admit that he loved her?
"Y…you did?"
"Yeah…can we talk? I'm…well to be honest I'm tired of being alone."
Beastboy just smiled. Maybe everything would be alright after all.
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last between
Well that was longer than the last one. But I will admit that I was really disappointed. I know There For You was horrible, but ONE review? Thank you to those who read it and especially to the one lone reviewer, but did it really suck that bad? Anywho please review. It's what I live for