Okay, so this is my first shot at a song fic. The song is from the musical, Wicked (which is amazing, btw). I've had this sitting on my computer for a few months, and with a little tweaking, was able to write it for what's currently going on in the show. It's mostly Brennan doing a self analysis because of the song.
I do own either Bones or Wicked. Both are way too successful for me of even dream of owning.
Brennan sat in her office working in on her book. Her publisher was expecting the second chapter of the next book by the end of the week; this normally wouldn't be a problem, however she was having trouble writing anything involving Andy and she had started this chapter with the fictional agent in it several weeks ago. Every time she would type in Andy's name, she would begin to think about Booth- which was completely illogical since Andy was not based on Booth, despite what everyone thought.
Brennan had noticed that the Booth was on her mind more and had been ever since that night in the car. No, that's not true, she corrected herself. Since that night outside of the Hoover building he's been in more of my thoughts. Brennan quickly pushed the thoughts away. Over the past couple of months she had been trying, without success, to push her feelings for Booth away. He had Hannah; he was in love with Hannah. Brennan wanted him to be happy. He deserved happiness after everything he had been through.
Angela entered her friend's office, noticing she had seemed a little off the past few days. And currently the anthropologist was staring at her screen, oblivious to the artist. It wasn't the first time she had found her friend like this in the past couple of days. "Hey, Bren, are you okay?"
Brennan jumped and looked at Angela, before turning back to the computer. "I'm having writer's block," Brennan sulked.
"Do you want to focus on the social aspect of your book?" Angela usually helped with that part of her books, anyway.
"No, I feel like that would only increase the problem."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"There isn't much to talk about. Whenever I begin to write, I get lost in my own thoughts, which don't relate them to my book."
"Well, what are you thinking about? Maybe you can incorporate it into the book."
"I doubt that Booth could be used in my novel." Angela fought back a smirk. This was definitely more interesting than the science part of Brennan's book. Hell, this was more interesting than anything Angela could have come up with for Brennan's novel.
"You can't stop thinking about Booth? Sweetie, that's not writer's block. That's something very, very different."
"Ange," the anthropologist replied in a warning tone.
"Fine. If you're trying to get inspired, then why don't you try listening to music or something?" Brennan nodded at her friend's comment. Only one problem with it.
"I don't have my iPod though." Angela dug through her purse and pulled out her music player.
"It's already on shuffle."
"Thanks, Ange." Angela left her friend; she had a lunch date with her husband, anyway.
After Angela left the office, Brennan placed the earphones in her ears, and pressed the play button. The first song that came up was one that Brennan had never heard before. I'm Not That Girl performed by Idina Menzel. Brennan was always open to new music- she just hoped it would be more appealing than Tin Zeppelin, or whatever the band name was.
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:
Brennan was quickly intrigued by the lyrics. They touched her emotionally. I've felt all of those things, and only around one man, Brennan thought. I believe Booth and I have experienced some moments like that. Brennan quickly shook her head; those were the type of thoughts she needed to get rid. Apparently, though, her subconscious .Her subconscious, which was suspiciously beginning to sound like Angela, had other ideas. She continued to listen to the lyrics.
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
The first two sentences had allowed Brennan a quick moment of stability. They were ideas that she agreed with. She knew not to let her imagine go wild; it would cause false hope that would end up disappointing her. She had learned that when she dreamed of her parents would save her from the foster system. But the rest of the stanza threw her mind straight back to the irksome voice. You've thrown a guy into a fantasy where both of you crossed a certain line. And when have you ever been happier than when Booth's been around? Definitely not since your family walked out on you. Brennan finally fought back against the voice. "But Booth has Hannah. Plus, we could never work. We're too different. And Booth is my best friend; am I not supposed to be happy around him?" she muttered under her breath. You can be happy, the voice replied smugly, but to be completely happy you have to admit the truth to yourself. Brennan gave up on the internal fight for now, and listened to the music again.
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Brennan was not one to fantasize unless she was writing. She was happy that her subconscious couldn't use this line of music again her… or so she thought. Come on, Brennan, you're 'story' about the night club owners. That story was completely about if you and Booth had met another way. And you think about all the what if's from the first case. What if you and Booth had gone home together? What if Booth hadn't fired you? What if Booth hadn't opened up to you? What if you hadn't said no to Booth? The only time you're not thinking about something like that is when you see him and Hannah together. And then you feel like he's betrayed you. But you're the one who told him no. So all that pain you feel is your fault. You missed your chance, Brennan. Now he's all Hannah's. Brennan was getting very frustrated with the voice in her head. It was not letting her forget these feelings that she so desperately needed to.
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:
Hannah, the voice said without a second to spare. Brennan knew it was true- all of it. Hannah was beautiful, and definitely sociable. Brennan had no problems with her, except she's dating Booth. She was also blonde with a slight wave to her hair. And Booth had asked the reporter to move in with him. If Brennan looked at his previous relationships, excluding Catherine and Cam, had been fair headed. Brennan was not any of things the song mentioned. No one could call her blithe, especially if they knew her past. She was very uncoordinated, as well. She was also very socially awkward and emotionally distant; many found they did not enjoy her company. But Booth always had since the beginning, at least until after that night… "Snap out of it," Brennan ordered under her breath. Brennan was beginning to give herself hope of a relationship with Booth again, unknowingly of course.
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl
Brennan took a deep breath. Now instead of driving Brennan to believe the insane the song was keeping her rational, much to the voice's dismay. Ignore this line! It doesn't relate to you! It practically screamed to her. Of course, her rational brain was gaining control again. She knew the song was absolutely right. When she dreamed, she only ended up being hurt, usually by those she let too close. So, that's why you turned Booth down! You were afraid of being hurt again, the voice said sadly. You lost him once because you were afraid of being hurt. But weren't you hurt anyway? You're finally willing to open yourself up to a relationship with one man, and he pushed you away. But it's Booth, he won't ever really leave you. Brennan shook her head. She would love to agree with the voice but she didn't get a happy ending. She never had one before. Some people were born lucky and she wasn't one of them. She never won the man. But I'm not that girl.
So, I'm curious what everyone thinks... Let me know with a review?