I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he held me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground
-Florence + The Machine
Heavy
Katara gasped and sat upright, a cold sweat already forming on her brow. The dream had come again; it plagued her every night and quietly waited during the day. It had been years and still whenever she closed her eyes visions of that night would come swimming back.
Malicious golden eyes stared coldly at her as if he were a hunter who had captured his prey. A cruel smile curled at his lips as he began to touch her roughly, kneading her bare skin. His scent was everywhere, the smell of ashes and destruction filled her nostrils. He spread her legs and forcefully entered her. A sharp pain coursed through her, she would've have screamed had she been able to, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything; her entire body was numb and her throat was dry. All she could do was close her eyes and wait for this misery to end.
She felt her eyes watering at the memory and suddenly it felt too hot in the room. She had to get out.
Katara gently removed the arm around her waist so as not to wake up the person next to her. She slowly got out of the bed and silently made her way outside.
The cool night air soothed her burning skin and the damp grass tickled her feet. It was a three-quarter moon, but she still felt that restless energy inside her, begging to be released. She went over to the small pond and reacquainted herself with her element. At first she did simple motions, steady pushes and pulls with a few orbs of water mixed in, but tonight it was not enough. Tonight the element that usually calmed her was making her anger rise and boil until it was suddenly too much. Soon simple water whips turned into ice daggers going every which way in a torrent of rage as the haunting memories came back to her. Whirlwinds of water spun around her and the once damp grass was now dried and brown. She was screaming now, she didn't realize when it started, but didn't want to stop either. It could've been a few minutes or several hours later when she finally collapsed from exhaustion.
Katara fell to a heap on the cold, unforgiving ground. Silent tears turned into body racking sobs, her nails dug into the dirt, clenching and unclenching the brittle grass. She didn't want to stay, but she didn't want to leave. She didn't know what to do anymore, but somehow didn't have the will to care either.
Then warm, strong arms wrapped around her limp body. He brought her close to him and she buried her face in his chest. The familiar scent of firewood and jasmine filled her senses and her sobbing slowed.
"Shh, its okay, Katara. It's okay, I'm here," said his raspy voice as he rubbed soothing circles on her back.
She clung to him, her fists wrapped aroung bundles of his thin shirt and she didn't let go, couldn't let go. And he held her, held her like he had so many times before when the memories had been too much. When the thoughts consumed her and confusion was all she knew, he was always there.
He gently lifted her chin and looked at her with warm, amber eyes.
"I'm here, Katara."