Just an uber angsty one-shot. Warning: Character Death.
Set some time in late 4th season.
Sam was not Sammy anymore. Somewhere along the way he'd started giving into the darkness inside him. Dean had seen it, of course. He'd tried so hard to catch him before he fell completely but he'd been too late. Seeing Sam drinking that demon's blood had been the he final act of the long-running horror story of their lives. Dean saw now that he had failed. The promises he'd given to his brother and his father…the promises he'd made to himself…they lay in utter ruin. Darkness had finally claimed his baby brother and nothing he did could change that now. It was time to keep the one last promise he'd made to his brother. The one he'd never ever wanted to ever have to keep.
Sam woke to the feeling of being watched. Shifting in the dark, he identified the source of the feeling, knowing the one watching him in the intimate nature that breeds from living with the person almost all your life. Sam reached out, fumbling blindly with the unfamiliar contours of the lamp until at last he found the switch. Leaning up on his elbows then shifting a little more upright, he propped himself up against the headboard. At last he turned his attention to his big brother.
Dean sat there, outwardly calm as he studied Sam while Sam studied him. Neither said anything for a long moment until finally Sam, it was always Sam in the end to talk first, until he spoke up.
"Why you watchin' me, dude?"
Dean didn't respond verbally, just shifted the gun in his hand slightly so that it was more visible to his brother.
Sam swallowed hard, playing it cool, fear starting to bloom in his chest. Deep inside, though, Sam felt something else stir, something that was bristling with anger and hatred. That grotesque being in his body…in his blood…it gained control of him before he even realized what had happened.
"What's with the gun, big brother? You gonna kill me? You couldn't kill me before, couldn't even stand to live without me without sellin' your soul…You were weak then and you're even more weak and pathetic now…" Sam sneered.
Deep inside, Sam recoiled at the words he was hurling at his big brother. He knew deep down that his brother was the strongest, bravest person he'd ever known but he did have one weakness: his family, especially his baby brother. Sam knew what he was saying was going to wound the man, but somehow he couldn't stop himself.
"Fucking pathetic…you really think you're gonna kill me with that gun?"
Dean's eyes teemed with despair. He looked at the gun for a long moment before looking back to his brother.
"No, Sammy…not gonna kill you with this…" Dean whispered brokenly, tipping the gun a little turning it away from his brother.
Sam smiled a twisted little smile.
"Not gonna kill you with this, Sammy…" Dean repeated. "'Cause I already killed you with this, little brother…" he said, reaching into his pocket to retrieve the vial of poison he'd slipped into his baby brother's mouth as he slept.
It was then that Sam registered the strange numbing sensation in his body. His mouth fell open in shock and he began to feel lightheaded.
"Dean…" he breathed. "What have you done?..."
Dean rose slowly, walking to his brother's bed and setting himself on the edge, facing Sam.
"I'm keeping my promise, Sammy. I never wanted to have to keep that promise, but I've got no choice anymore. I tried to save you, Sammy…I tried so damn hard. I failed you. I'm so sorry, little brother. I failed you…" Dean's voice broke as a lonely tear broke free and trailed down his face in a scalding path of remorse.
"Dean…" Sam wheezed as the world began to tilt and dim. He blindly reached out for his brother, who caught his hand in his own, holding it tight even as he gently stroked it with the rough pad of his thumb.
"It's ok, Sammy…It's better this way…I couldn't watch you falling to darkness anymore…knew it was only a matter of time before you left me completely. At least this way, your soul can still be saved. I know you are a good man, little brother…I think God could forgive you and maybe let you into Heaven. Maybe you'd get to see Jess again. Maybe you could see mom…see what a beautiful person she was. Wish you coulda seen her, little brother…She was amazing…Maybe you'll finally get to see her like I did. After everything I've done, I don't think I'll be seeing you up there. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger…I'm sorry I'll have to go to a place where you can't follow me again. I love you, Sammy." Dean said quietly as he helped his baby brother slide down to lay more comfortably on the bed.
Sam's mind was battling to stay awake, desperately trying to find a way to tell his brother all the things he always meant to say…to scream at him for doing this to him…to tell him he forgave him for it…to tell him how sorry he was to make his brother have to do this in the first place… Most of all he wanted to tell he loved him, that he was a great man, a selfless man and that he had never deserved any of the terrible things that had happened to him his whole life. Sam couldn't though…he couldn't say anything at all. He felt himself sliding down the headboard, felt the strong, gentle hands that caught him. He felt his brother help him down to lay on the bed. Dean's hand never left him, it rested softly on his face, his thumb stroking his cheek bone, soothing him in the darkness and quashing the fear of what would await him there. He knew his eyes were still leaking tears, but he felt them sliding shut for longer and longer periods of time. It was becoming so hard to open them anymore until finally, he couldn't open them at all. His whole body, at once so tense, finally just let go. He melted into the bed and was still, the last breath seeping from him slowly, heavily, as he slipped away completely.
Dean closed his eyes, tears welling heavily as he felt his brother slip away. It took an eternity before he could muster the strength to open them again. Bending low, he placed a gentle kiss on his baby brother's forehead, as he was wont to do for so long now. He placed his brother's arms in a restful pose, thinking of how young Sammy looked just now, his heavy heart breaking even more.
Rising, he strode around the bed, setting down on the edge for a moment. Knowing what he was going to do, he had packed everything carefully. He had paid up the room for a week, leaving strict instructions to be left alone. Management was shoddy at best, so he thought they'd probably leave them alone as long as they were paid up. Dean left everything to the one person he had left: his almost-father, Bobby Singer. The man had been more of a father then his own father had ever been to him. He saw that now, but there was nothing that could change the past. What was done, was done. He willed his car and all their earthly possessions to him when he left him the message of where to find them. Strict instructions to salt and burn them this time had been left, as well. Dean slid down bonelessly on the bed, his hand fumbling in his pocket on last time. Raising a twin vial to the one he'd shown Sam briefly before it slipped now from his rapidly numbing fingers.
"Killed me, too, Sammy…" he said in a slurred whisper. "Killed me, too…"
Dean let himself go, his last task done. He melted down into the bed, his arm collapsing, falling, fittingly, on his brother's forearm, connecting them in death as they had been in life. It was like Dean was giving Sam one last sign that there would be someone there to guide them in what was to come.
Breathe slowed, then finally stopped within Dean's chest. With the last of his mind and soul, he had given up one last prayer to a God he wasn't sure he believed in that Sam would be taken in and saved, even if he himself was not.
And so it was that the brothers left not in a hail of bullets or apart from each other and on opposite sides, but instead, quietly, together. They were unified in death as they had been once in life, though it had been slipping away from them since he'd been brought back. At last they would be as they should be: side by side to face anything they universe saw fit to throw at them.
A/N: Been in an angsty mood lately. Thankfully, my girlfriend is coming to visit so I'll hopefully be back to my usual ornery self again soon. I hate having a long distance relationship…it sucks out loud. I miss her terribly and I think that's what's up with the angst lately. Anyhoo, please R&R!! Reviews are the most beautiful and treasured things for me. Thanks for your time!
Please be sure to ask about my Supernatural replicas of jewelry from the show as well as my Supernatural-inspired pieces of my own collection!!!