I was bored, so I asked a friend for a story prompt. Bad idea, but obviously I'm crazy enough to still roll with it.

I don't normally do crack fictions, but that's what this is going to be. You've been warned.

AU, NaruSasuNaru. Crack. Drabble.

Disclaimer: I am but your average fiction writer. I do not own, even though I wish I did.

For the fish, Days Knight, and her scrambled egg mind. Love you Day, even though you scare me sometimes.

Implied Slash, and some sexual references. Rated T. Consider yourself warned.

Because he practices safe sex and they were on sale.

As the final bell rang, Sasuke sighed with relief. Today there had been a grade-wide presentation on STI's, prevention, teenage pregnancy, safe sex methods, and other general information on the subject of sex.

Sasuke had had to sit through two periods of Naruto and Kiba being immature about the whole thing while he'd tried to sink farther into his seat and not be noticed for some of the demonstrations…

He was going to kill Naruto.

Jiraiya had asked for volunteers for the typical demonstration of putting condoms on bananas, and of course, considering he was one of Jiraiya's favourite students, Naruto ended up getting chosen, much to Sasuke's horror.

And even worse was when Naruto showed that he was well practiced in the art. Sasuke was sure some of their friends who knew about them dating had looked at him as he slouched down in his seat trying to disappear. Sasuke had ignored them and continued glaring daggers at his boyfriend at the front of the classroom.

It had only gotten worse after that, with the immature comments during the movies, more demonstrations, and worse, at the end when Jiraiya had given out free condom packets promoting safe sex. Sasuke could see the logic behind the action – better prepared than not - but Naruto was being ridiculous about it, and Jiraiya was only encouraging him.

Sasuke was ready to go home, that was for sure. He only had a few steps to his locker, three quick flicks of his wrist to open the lock, grab his calculus homework, shut the locker and get the hell out of there and hopefully avoid people until he got a few blocks from the school and was well on his way home.

He reached his locker and quickly spun his combination in, opened the door, and was bombarded by condoms not just falling out of his locker, but practically launching themselves at him. He took one look at the pile on the floor, and the amount still in his locker, reached in grabbed his textbook from underneath them all, shut his locker and turned away.

He was amazed that he hadn't reacted yet.

The people who witnessed the event were amazed he hadn't reacted more than blinking.

What they didn't know was that later that night when Naruto snuck in through Sasuke's bedroom window was that there was a trap waiting for him.

-x-x-x-

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Sasuke growled as he flicked on the light.

Naruto who was currently hog-tied on the floor, after being ambushed when he slid into the unlit room looked up at his boyfriend's angry face and swallowed thickly.

"Because I believe in safe sex and they were on sale?" he more asked than said, attempting to put an innocent look on his face.

"He was giving them away for free," Sasuke said scowling.

"All the more reason to stalk up!" Naruto exclaimed.

"You're an idiot."

"I'm amazed you haven't killed me yet for the stunt at school actually," Naruto said non-chalantly, still tied on the floor.

"There are worse punishments than death I can think up Naruto," Sasuke said darkly.

Let's just say that those condoms didn't get used for a long while.

Poor Naruto. Not. He so deserved that.

Review?

~Drama Llama