Irreplaceable
What if Aaron had took his self-harm that step too far?
POV FIC (Chas, Adam, Hazel, Paddy & Aaron (after death))
PART ONE - Chas' POV
I'll never forget it, Never. It's scarred me, physically, mentally, emotionally. Nothing's the same anymore. That day I walked into your room and found you, your grey hoodie unzipped, you lying on the bed, sobbing, blood pouring from a cut on your stomach. I thought at first you'd been in some kind of trouble, you'd been stabbed, but nothing, absolutley nothing prepared me for the trouble you created yourself, onto yourself. I phoned for help and stayed with you, desperatley trying to stop the blood, stroking your sweaty forhead and telling you things were gonna be ok. You whispered to me "I'm sorry, Mum. I'm so sorry..." I gripped your hand and that's when I knew. You'd hurt yourself. the blade in your hand sliced though mine and I sobbed, My legs gave way beaneath me and I fell like a lump of jelly against your bed. I could hear the sirens already, they weren't far. I thought you were going to hold on, but you couldn't. You willingly gave up the fight and let yourself slip away. If I had got to your room earlier, You might still be here, I might have been able to save you., but you're gone now, and it kills me to know I'll never see you again. My beautiful, Irreplaceable Aaron.
PART 2 - Adam's POV
You could of come to me. You could have talked to me about it. You knew I always had your back.. Did you not trust me? Is that it? Were you scared of telling me because of how I betrayed you when I found out you were gay? Is it because I was so wrapped up in Mia (And Ella!) that you felt I'd neglected you? I thought you were getting better. I knew things were tough after the court case. I knew how badly you wanted to be sent down, but this...Mate...To think the amount of times i saw grazes on your hands and you always dismissed it or tried to change the subject...I should of known then something was wrong. When you collapsed chasing that little chav git, I should have known then too. You were falling apart, and it breaks my heart to think you didn't trust me enough to tell me about it. I still can't forget that phonecall. Your mum sobbing hysteriucally down the phone. all she could say was "He's gone.." I didn't understand, I thought you'd done a runner. I was out on my quad bike for hours searching for you through the woods and the back fields. It was only when I got back to the village, and saw the woolpack, that the whole horror of the situation hit me. Your mum was sitting out on the steps, sobbing hard, Cain at her side trying his best to consle her. Villagers already laying flowers outside. You really were gone mate. You hadn't ran away. You really were gone for good. My best mate, funny, incredible, Irreplaceable You.
PART 3 - Hazel's POV
I blame myself for this. I know a lot of people blame me too. i gave in to easily. I made a promise to my boy that slowly destroyed your life. I've moved on since your death. It was made clear I wasn't welcome in the village. I'm back travelling the world, but the pain of losing both of my boys is still so raw. I know we had so many differences and arguments after Jackson's accident, I forced you to stay with him. Maybe if you hadn't, and I had let you go, If Jackson had let you go. You'd be ok. When we were in Whitby, and you'd said to me "He's my boy too", my heart swelled with pride for you. 19 years old and dedicating your life to my son. But when he'd made his mind up, and the depression got too much, I had no idea what a downward spiral you had been on. You tried everything to get punished when the courts found you not guilty. But no-one would pay attention, no-one would give you that punishment you so deperately needed so you decided to do it to yourself, but you became addicted. Your mum told me there were several scars on your body. Maybe you didn't intend to kill yourself, Aaron, but now, we'll never know. I just hope that, wherever you are now, you're at peace, that all of the guilt and hate has gone, that you are happy. If you see my boy up there, give him a hug from me. Kind, Generous (when you wanted to be!), Irreplaceable you.
PART 4 - Paddy's POV
This is wrong. I shouldn't be sitting here planning a 19 year old boy's funeral. I should never have agreed with Rhona about you moving out! You always came to me with problems. It took you a while, but you did it...Then I got with Rhona, and I neglected you. Just like your father did whe he met someone new. I always promised myself that you would always come first. Rhona and me broke up shortly after you died. I couldn't forgive her for demanding that all of my attention should be focussed on her and Leo. If I hadn't done that...But it's no use for if only's now, is it? I was too late. As usual. I let it get too serious every single time, I let you get in too deep, but this time, I couldn't save you. You always said to me you felt I was the only person you could trust and I pretty much turned my back on you. I loved you like you were my own and i did that to you. What kind of horrible person does that make me? Even I noticed cuts and grazes before, like that time you came into the pub and your hand was bleeding and you told your mum and Zak you forgot to put gloves on while using the punchbag. You didn't though did you? You hurt yourself delibrately and we all dismissed it. We all believed you. Oh Aaron you could have told us. What did you think we were going to do? We could of helped you, supported you in anyway that we could to make things that little bit more bareable for you...but you found your own way, and we found out too late. Rest In Peace Aaron. Funny, Amazing, Irreplaceable you.
PART 5 - Aaron's POV (After Death)
I never intended to kill myself, you know. Never. I just wanted to hurt. To punish myself. I knew when I couldn't stop the bleeding I'd cut too deep. I knew then I was going to die. i couldn't just go downstairs casually and tell Mum what I'd done. It hurt to breathe, never mind move. Then when she came into my room...I wish I could go back sometimes and turn back time and not let her see me like that. I wish i'd locked the door or something and just slipped away quietly. It's weird, I always thought that people being able to see a light when they have a near death experience was a load of crap, but it wasn't. I could see one, and in that light I could see him. I knew right then that I didn't wanna lose him again. I know it sounds like a load of soppy crap but he was there...STANDING there, with his hand held out, willing me to go with him. I had to. I had to go. I knew if I went back that I would be forced to go to councelling and I was scared that I'd do it to myself again. I got closer to the light and I grabbed his hand. I didnt want to go back, end off living happily ever after with some other bloke. It wasn't enough. That wasn't keeping me going. It was making me feel sick. The thought of another man but Jackson touching me, kissing me...Jackson was all I wanted and now that I've got him back, I know that no matter what, nothing will ever come between us again. My beautiful, amazing, Irreplaceable Jackson.